29 Lynchburg, United States
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My self-summary
I'm Brent Fitzgerald Woodroof.
Facebook. Go.

Did you look?

Seriously asshole, go. Ok, welcome back. Instead of some scripted BS on here, you saw candid me, and that's a little bit more valuable than anything I can write in this nifty little box. That and I've got nothing clever to say, and that hurts me on the inside a little.
What I’m doing with my life
I was a baaaad student. I don't follow rules well, and when Gamestop offered me a store manager position, I took it and ran. That worked out well >_> I recently (5/02/11) lost my job, and I'm taking the next couple of weeks to see what my options are. I deserve a vacation, trust me. I want to finish school up, and that's a major priority. Other than that, I'm all about self-improvement; but if you mapped my path it'd be a twisted knot of self-deprecating confusion.
I’m really good at
Makin' folks giggly. If I could make a commercial selling myself it would go something like...

"Do large men make you uncontrollably happy? Do you find yourself literally shaken out of your seat by the vibrations surging through your body at the thought of meeting someone named Brent?"

I'd have some testimonials. Real "Man on the street" style stuff, you know? I'd make millions @_@
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm fat? That's the first thing I'd notice. Quick second, though? Awesome fat. Not like... nasty redneck fat. I get compared to Chris Farley a lot. Is that a good thing? I don't know. But I do know, I have no intention of dying of a drug overdose, and for that I'm already one up. Your move, Farley.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don't read a ton, mostly because I'm scared of wasting time on a book I won't finish. I love Ayn Rand's Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged and I enjoy mostly non-fiction like Malcolm Gladwell's extremely informative books.

I'm nerdy enough that I should probably read comics or manga or something, but I never got hardcore into it. Doesn't mean I don't know what Cap's shield is made out of. Wikipedia FTW.

Vibranium, by the way. The shield.. it's vibranium >_>.
The six things I could never do without
You know what? Let's jam. Let's really take some time and break this shit down.

1. People.
They don't even have to be friends or anything. I mean, friends, awesome. We can chill, laugh, have a good time together. But! Have you ever been in a situation where the mood struck you just to be a prick to someone you really didn't like? That's the magic of strangers. Normally there are "consequences" to your actions, but when you're five states away from home with your next flight leaving in 10 minutes, telling a five-year-old that Santa has an urgent message for him in the men's room at gate B47 is a hoot. Strangers folks, they're just people who don't know how awesome I am yet.

2. Animals.

What the Hell else am I going to eat? I mean, pets are cool and all; I have a cat that wears ties wherever he goes (No one steals a cat important enough to wear a tie, that's bad ju-ju) But the real issue here is I don't want to live in a world economy where only crazy vegans live. A world without your chihuahua? Boo-hoo. A world without Dollar Menu Double Cheeseburgers? I can't afford to live anymore.
Now let's widen the scope a bit. Every fast food chain goes of out business. Grocery stores lose half their business. Every business related to fishing becomes useless. Yeah, suddenly Your cell-phone doesn't seem so essential on this list anymore. Go ahead, back out and edit your profile and copy this word for word. We're just getting the news out. Animals: They're important shit.

3. Standardized units of currency.

Have you seen what happens in post-apocalyptic Earth? Shit gets crazy. Like... what are you going to trade for toilet paper? Suddenly Abe Lincolns face isn't worth what it used to be, and the only assets you had were worn out paying back that wandering pack of former NFL players for the warmth their large black bodies provided during the constant Nuclear winter. The Fed is a good thing. Don't know what the Fed is? Me either. Don't tell anyone, though, I'm going for cocky/pretentious here.

4. The Japanese.

What happens when you take the right to a standing military away from a isolationist gov't with strong ties to traditionalism and a weak Christian presence? Japan circa 2011, and boy is it a thing of beauty. I'm not much for the used-underwear vending machines and tentacle rape, but Japan is like the awesome autistic kid in the Sandbox we call Earth. No one knows what the Hell is going on in that head of their's, but the results have all the magnetism of a dude getting nailed in the crotch.

5. A central nervous system.

Think about all the times you cut yourself, burned yourself, broke a limb, etc. Now imagine that it didn't hurt. Would you have stopped what you were doing? Probably not. That's the magic of the central nervous system. I think. I'm working off of like 6th grade health notes here, folks. But for realz, whatever part of me tells me I'm in pain, I need that. And I condemn the rest of you for placing "friends" higher on the list.

6. Numbers.

I'm like... super bad at anything past arithmetic. That's the great thing about numbers, though. THEY DON'T NEED YOU! Numbers are like Beyonce. They're fierce, independent, they make their own money, and ain't no one but their daddy gonna tell them what to do. Think about it, math self-checks. If you do something incorrect with numbers, the numbers tell you! If I say 4+4 = 5, all of civilization falls apart if I'm correct. But because numbers are so bad-ass, they don't need me to be right, I'm just wrong. Unlike some things.. LETTERS. Look at language? That shit gets screwed up all the time. We don't even know where the phrase "O.K." comes from. But we just keep on truckin' like everything's cool. If I was numbers, I'd kick letters' ass. True Story.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how to maximize the amount of time I enjoy life and minimize the amount of time I'm around rednecks.

If this was a ven diagram, there would be two circles 5 miles apart labelled: "Time Enjoyed" "Time Around Rednecks".
On a typical Friday night I am
One time on a Friday night I figured out that Michael Jackson stole thriller from Velociraptors. Have you seen those guys? They're like always doing thriller. Way to go MJ, thought the grave could escape my scrutinous eye?

I spend way too many Friday nights doing the same things. You can only discover so many dances stolen from dinosaurs by pop legends.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
It pisses me off when I see visitors on here that I've messaged who never talked back, but I've done it before, too.

So.. I'm a hypocrite?
You should message me if
You want to get your humanitarian credit for the day and pretend to flirt with a fat guy. You know you want to. Mommy would be proud ^_~