26 Chicago, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I was voted "Most Likely to Open an Erotic Bakery" in high school. Time will tell.

I'm very passionate about movies, tv, and theater. I'm a bitter cynic but a total sap deep down. I constantly joke around and tend to like most people. I love people with whom I can talk to about everything from the Oscar race for best picture to the impressionist movement in art to whether or not God is a lesbian. (She is.)

I'm basically a mix of Abbey from Broad City and Pam from Archer. If this sounds appealing, you should probably up the dosage on your antidepressants and/or ask me out.
What I’m doing with my life
Carpe Scrotum; Grab life by the balls.

Currently working toward a career in digital marketing. Or porn.
I’m really good at
Singing, counseling friends, and inserting pop culture references into conversations.

Sometimes I like to watch this to remind myself that I used to be talented.
The first things people usually notice about me
Lame answer: Eyes, self-deprecating sense of humor

Saucy answer: Latin dance hall ass

Honest answer: Adorable displays of vulgarity and a passing resemblance to Eli Manning, a wet ferret or Little Foot from the Land Before Time, depending on how much effort I've put into my appearance on any given day.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books- Grapes of Wrath, The Joy of Lesbian Sex

Movies- Ghost World, Boogie Nights, Kill Bill, In The Loop, Melancholia, The Hours, Black Swan, Addams Family Values, The Opposite of Sex, Whip It, Pulp Fiction, American Beauty, Little Children, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Amelie, Romy and Michele's High School Reunion,

Shows- Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Breaking Bad, Orange is the New Black, Hannibal, Archer, Game of Thrones, Parks and Recreation, Workaholics, United States of Tara, Girls

RIP- Futurama, Sopranos, Strangers With Candy, Pushing Daisies

Music- St. Vincent, Fiona Apple, Frank Ocean, Classic Rock, Broadway Musicals, Regina Spektor, Lana del Rey, Pink Martini, ELO, ABBA, Lily Allen, Florence + the Machines, etc.

Food- Mexican food that might give me indigestion (read: diarrhea) and cheap Asian food that might give me a tapeworm (read: diarrhea).
The six things I could never do without
A little bit of Oliver in my life.
A little bit of Aaron by my side.
A little bit of Ethan's all I need.
A little bit of Tristan's all I see.
A little bit of Simon in the sun.
A little bit of Harry all night long.
A little bit of Jonathan, here I am.
A little bit of you makes me your man.

I know that's eight things. Bitch, don't kill my vibe.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
"Dog food lid" backwards is "Dildo of God." Try it as a meditation chant.

What I want to do with my life.
Burt Reynolds' mustache.
The meaning of life.
Nicknames for my genitals.
On a typical Friday night I am
Bluffin' with my muffin.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I can do the splits, due largely in part to a semi-traumatic trampoline accident when I was six. Worth it.
You should message me if
You wanna eat Sarpinos and smush to Erykah Badu