***I will read your messages pretty quickly but I don't usually respond right away. I wait until I'm in front of a real computer which sometimes is that day and sometimes is a week later. Sometimes it's even longer as I tend to prioritize other areas of my life (sorry, not sorry?). This doesn't relate whatsoever to my level of interest. Avoid butt-hurtedness. PS: I've decided that it's necessary to add this detail: this does not just apply to new messages from new people. You might catch me when I'm on a computer all day for a day or two and we might send a bunch of messages back and forth and then there will be this long pause on my end. Re-read this disclaimer and relax. :)
***I just had a baby! He was born on Feb 13th so I've been adjusting to being a new mom. I had just moved back to Spokane to live with my parents so I can afford to have the baby, which I'm doing all on my own. The father will still be involved in the future life of the child, but he and I are no longer together and I will have full custody so it'll mostly just be me. He lives in VA still.
So that means I'm probably not in the best place to be jumping into things... so I'm just open minded about meeting people, making friends, creating a new social circle and seeing what happens. If I meet someone on here or through one of those circles and we click and want to date and that individual doesn't mind the fact that I come with a little baggage, then great. If not, friends are always good.
***I am most comfortable in a polyamorous relationship. If you are already experienced in polyamory, that makes things easiest for everyone. For those of you who don't know what polyamory is, it isn't just hooking up with a bunch of people. "Polyamory is the practice, desire, or acceptance of intimate relationships that are not exclusive with respect to other sexual or intimate relationships, with knowledge and consent of everyone involved. It has been described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy". People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships. Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships, which commonly consist of people seeking to build long-term relationships with more than one person on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationships. In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized according to those participating. For many, such relationships are ideally built upon values of trust, loyalty, the negotiation of boundaries, and compersion, as well as overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural standards." I will not be your secret girlfriend. If our relationship has to be kept secret from anyone important in your life, I'm not interested in having one with you.
***DON'T MESSAGE ME IF YOU'RE CHEATING ON YOUR PARTNER. I only have relationships that are open, honest and healthy. So even if your partner begrudgingly allows you to go outside your primarily relationship as long as you don't talk about it... that doesn't qualify as healthy. Fix your situation at home. I will not be a part of your "Don't Ask/Don't Tell".***
NOW, I encourage you to set the mood with the music style of your choice:
Thoughtful and provoking: http://youtu.be/Wq2jhs19_V8
Fun and fanciful: http://youtu.be/qJi4hG9Ttp4
Flirty and ridiculous: http://youtu.be/sUJVzez1mT0
Fucking badass: http://youtu.be/w5IOou6qN1o
Music from a band I'll always be more in love with than you: http://www.wimp.com/thatvoice/
I've dated someone who was trying the polyamorous lifestyle on for size, and honestly, it's just too hard on the head and heart to simultaneously fall for someone while helping them realize that the lifestyle isn't one that works for them. So if you're already experienced with responsible non-monogamy, I heartily encourage you to race to the front of the line. I'm not interested in re-activating the slutty days of my youth, however, so please be interested in some kind of more-than-sexual connection to me. Bonus points if you're romantic and help me re-engage with the poet buried under years of being an adult working human in America. Negative points if you say "LOL" at any time or misuse the appropriate versions of your/you're or there/their/they're. PS: THIS: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/04/alot-is-better-than-you-at-everything.html
ATTENTION COUPLES SEEKING A UNICORN:
I'd like to make the Star Wars joke that this is not the unicorn you're looking for, but I just might be. It depends. I might be the unicorn you're looking for IF:
• You're looking for more than just sex
• You are open and honest about your lifestyle with friends and loved ones, so I wouldn't be a secret to anyone ever.
• You're really awesome unicorn hunters
Okay... summing up the personality is a bit more of a challenge. The two hemispheres of my brain are in a battle for domination worthy of Newton's Law of Motion. I am logical, straightforward and direct, honest, analytical, critical and sarcastic. Equally and oppositely I am emotional, compassionate, artistic, curious and in constant awe and wonder of the universe. It's like having a boy's brain and a girl's heart, for lack of a better description. Of course, all of us progressive humans acknowledge that the way I just described my duality is using a gross stereotype of men and women. I celebrate the rainbow of genders, but it's also decent shorthand for the hoi polloi.
My favorite magazines are Scientific American and People. I love art and theatre and poetry as much as video games and vegging. I wish I traveled more. I like social activities as much as solitary ones and need time for both. I was positive I was an extrovert from birth until about 28 and in the last few years I've realized that I was just overcompensating. I'm an introvert. I need down time to recharge and one on one time with my partners often enough to feel a good, strong connection. I like to go to bed early, unless there's something really cool to do and I don't have to get up too early the next morning. I used be a regular burner of the midnight oil, but I've found that if I give my body the amount of sleep it truly wants, I am a much more joyful soul.
I handle pressured situations well and would thrive in the Zombiepocalypse. There's a part of my brain that just takes over, shouts orders and gets shit done. On the other hand, I am a wimp when it comes to emotional confrontation. I am such an over-communicator and will always bring the issues necessary to my loved ones, but I do so with anxiety. I often will write out what I need to say and THEN have the face to face conversation. This is a strategy I learned from my mother, who had difficulty talking to me about serious subjects and would write me letters instead. I'm not a fan of "sweeping things under the rug" however, and when I sense something is wrong in me or in a partner, I make sure that we deal with it together to some sort of resolution. Just sometimes that starts with a letter or email. Because I'm a baby.
All of the various pictures of me on here show wildly different hairstyles. My hair grows REALLY fast and I often just tell the stylist to do whatever they'd like. My current hairstyle could reflect any one of those photos, so let's hope you're flexible on hair.
I'm in the process of covering half of my back in a very extravagant and geeky tattoo. So.... if the used canvas look isn't something that appeals to you, your loss. Geeky stuff is the best stuff. And tattoos are rad.
I like to dress girly from time to time, but in general I wear comfortable clothes, sarcastic t-shirts and no makeup. If you like your lady plain, you're looking in the right place.
Some of my favorite things:
• Deep philosophical conversations for which there are no right answer(s)
• Psychology, sociology, sexuality and the things that make humans do the things that they do
• Violent weather
• Comfortable beds
• Writing and/or poetry that stops your heart
• Scary movies (psychological thriller types, not torture porn)
• Games of all types (board, card, video, role-playing, you name it)
• Peppermint chocolate
• Powerful lyricism and moving crescendos
• Animals and babies (yup, I'm a cliché)
• Fallout 3
• Really sweet clementines
• Being danced, dance me
• The ocean before the sun comes up
• The ocean every other time of day
• The word "cunt"
• Being surprised
TL;DR: I am a lot of things. If it was too long, we're probably not a match. Praise be verbosity!
I used to be in the Army, which was a shocker to everyone (including myself!) as a little, artistic, non-conformist, anti-violence chick like me doesn't seem the Army type. There were a lot of things I ended up liking about it but I got in trouble for asking "why" too often or refusing to do things I felt ethically opposed to.
I used to spend my days engaged in various performance arts. Acting, dancing, singing, magic, stand-up comedy... there's not much performance-wise that I haven't at least dabbled in.
I just recently listened to my soul's desire to take a break from real life. I quit my job and have been doing fun, silly things ever since. Now that I'm a new mom, a lot of my focus is on my beautiful son. I spend a lot of time with my girlfriend and her kids.
I plan on taking some time off (CHECK, see above), re-engaging with myself and getting back into touch with the things that used to drive me with passion. I'm going to take some classes eventually and will do so with no educational "goal" in mind beyond learning about things I'm interested in. Philosophy, art, theatre, sociology, bio-ethics, writing, criminology, Spanish... just whatever floats my boat. Eventually I would like to start my own business. I've had several different ideas of what this would be, but recently I've felt pretty strongly about it being a game store. Not a lot of money in it, but money isn't really what I'm after. Aside from that, I'd like to spend more time reading, writing, painting, drawing and re-establishing my more creative and expressive self.
• making people laugh
• making people laugh uncomfortably
• finding ways to enjoy just about anything
• planning for the zombiepocalypse
• learning/picking up things quickly
• saving random animals
• helping others hit the re-set button on their lives
• document and form creation
• witty comebacks
• safe sexing
• beating a dead horse when trying to explain something perfectly
• forcing the truth from my loved ones in a kind and caring way
• loving people for who they are and not for who I might wish them to be
• watching movies
I recently asked some friends of mine to describe me in two sentences or less (for a different project that may or may not come to fruition). Results were more flattering than I was going for, but others in my life may find me:
• "Hilariously awesomely badassedly sexily cool as shit. And you smell nice."
• "Short, like squirrel. Crazy, like moose. (said in best Borris accent)"
• "Fucking awesome."
• "A fun-loving, adventurous soul with the heart of a lion. You also give great hugs."
• "She's a funky spirit with a great rack that draws attention to her expressive heart. And she digs your mom."
• "A truly remarkable human."
• "Cassandra makes a zipper shirt happy. She also dances a mean polka."
• "Friend, you are a diamond, so many angles and perspectives to be seen from, something fun to be learned as one gets to know you!"
• "You have a warm, loyal heart. You have spunk and talent. You enjoy giving and receiving a good challenge, but you're always generous and kind about it. You're a talented illustrator. You admire talent in others. You're supportive. You put thought and effort into living well. You strive to be honest with yourself and others."
Someday I might even earn these compliments. The aforementioned project that originally called for these offerings might also eventually get done, but only if my friends start listing my less-than-desirable qualities as well. Such as:
• Prefers time at home to parties
• Isn't afraid to embarrass you in public
"Even Cowgirls Get The Blues" Tom Robbins
"The Complete Works" e.e. cummings
"Geek Love" Katherine Dunn
"Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers" Mary Roach
"Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex" Mary Roach
"Fahrenheit 451" Ray Bradbury
"Different Dances" Shel Silverstein
"The Perks of Being a Wallflower" Stephen Chbosky
"The Invisible Gorilla and Other Ways Our Intuition Deceives Us" Christopher Chabris and Daniel Simons
The Princess Bride
28 Days Later
Across The Universe
Back to the Future
The Brothers Solomon
The Fifth Element
Kiss Kiss Bang Bang
Stranger Than Fiction
Star Trek: TNG
The Walking Dead
The United States of Tara
So You Think You Can Dance
American Horror Story
Walk Off The Earth
Fallout: New Vegas
Space Channel 5
Mass Effect 2
2) My cellphone (although I turn it off for vacations, I use it a lot during my regular day to day)
3) Books and/or a pen & paper
7) MY SON! :)
I suppose I ought to at least confess one thing in the spirit of the prompt... it's just hard because nothing is really "private" to me unless it's someone else's business. Hmm... while living in the DC metro area I attended kink/BDSM events. I will often wear the same article of clothing several times before washing it. I wish I could switch genders at will as often as I liked.
• You have a zombie preparedness plan.
• You like heated philosophical discussions.
• You actually read my ridiculously verbose profile.
• You like poetry and romance.
• You want to sweep me off my feet and bring out all of my girly sides.
• You like to fly by the seat of your pants.
• You are an over-sharer.
• You are an open book.
• You are an experienced and responsible non-monogamist.
• You are really good at planning surprises.
• You find the fun in most things.
• You are not turned off by brash and blunt conversation.
• You are PRO honesty and love all the dirty, ugly little truths way more than kind fiction.
• You are not easily offended.
• You can take a good bite.
• None of your pictures are of you shirtless.
• If you're poly friendly. My partners all get a say in whether or not you're cool enough. So be cool.
DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF YOU ARE MONOGAMOUS LEANING OR HAVE A PARTNER WHO IN ANY WAY DOES NOT APPROVE OF YOU DATING OUTSIDE OF YOUR PRIMARY RELATIONSHIP. DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF YOU ARE IN A DON'T ASK/DON'T TELL RELATIONSHIP.
ALSO DO NOT MESSAGE ME IF YOU'RE JUST HOPING THAT "POLY" IS CODE FOR "SEX WITH NO STRINGS"; IT'S NOT.
I check my messages on here fairly often, so it may say I was just online, but it sometimes takes me days between actually responding because I prefer to do so from a computer where I can be as long-winded as I like. Try not to get too butt-hurt about waiting.