28 Oakdale, United States
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My self-summary
Your self-summary or a Dave Matthews Band lyric? The line is blurring.

As an overwhelming majority of you petty fuckers swiped left on my profile because you didn't like my pictures, I judge all I want.

-I was ghosted earlier this year. Don't claim that you're any different from other men, when you've proven yourself to be typical in the worst way possible. I'm far less offended by you asking me for sex than I'm offended by the mental gymnastics and broken promises.

-I don't want anything serious. Is it unrealistic that I just want to periodically spend the night out with you, have good conversations with you, and have sex with you (when I'm ready)? I need a friend and I want sex. A boyfriend is at the bottom of my list right now, a husband even lower, and breeding is THE lowest. I've spent the last several years of my life a fucking hausfrau and I'm bored! I'm sure there are lots of other women on here who are willing to fulfill your June Cleaver fantasy, go bother them.

-Despite the previous bullet point, I'm still practicing celibacy until I reach one of my weight loss goals: I'm fat, but I'm sure the Myspace angle experts and Anonymous super sleuths have already figured that out. Hurry up! Swipe faster!

Otherwise, I'm into BDSM and am looking for someone patient and understanding to introduce me to the lifestyle.

I still enjoy night life and would prefer if you did too. It's cool and all that most of you have partied enough to be bored with it, but I enjoy that sweet nighttime air...

I'm into guys with standards. It's nice to know when someone is talking to me because I earned their attention and they aren't just throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks. Unrealistic?

If you ARE going to message me, at least pretend you read my profile. I don't really feel like telling a stranger how my day went, much less 15 different strangers.

I'm more likely to respond to you if:

1. You don't send me a dozen consecutive messages or ask me where I've gone. I do have a job and currently no phone. I have better things to do than drop everything I'm doing to entertain you.

2. You have an actual profile filled out. Bonus points if we are a 75%+ match and have answered more than just sex questions.

3. You don't type like you have brain damage.

Finish this later.
What I’m doing with my life
Currently working in the food industry and hoping to continue educating myself in communications/journalism/similar soon enough. I'm not sure how much longer I can ride it out here before I find myself in prison...

I have a general idea what I want to do. I'd like to be a magazine columnist, but I think it'd be very fun to get into radio. My third option is to become a language translator.
I’m really good at
I write a mean manifesto.
Still destroying erections.
The first things people usually notice about me
Like, for real? "Where's your sister?!?!?!"

Or dating site answer? People don't. Shut the fuck up about my makeup, it doesn't count.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Clive Barker.

My favorite writer and inspiration is HP Lovecraft.

Movies: I'm obsessed with Evil Dead.
Hellraiser I&II, Bram Stoker's Dracula, Nightbreed, Candyman, The Crow, American History X, Evil Dead 2, Let the Right One In, The Craft, Wakewood, Lake Mungo, Lord of Illusions, Death Becomes Her, Superstar, Little Nicky.

Speaking of movies, I'd be happy if I never got to watch Talladega Nights or Dude Where's My Car? again, but I can't really bond with other people over movies so I don't care.

TV: King of the Hill,
My Name is Earl,
The Nanny,
It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia,
King of the Hill,
Metal Mania,
120 Minutes,
King of the Hill,
King of the Hill,
American Horror Story before it became too stupid this season,
King of the Hill.
Twin Peaks!!!

Music: Devil music. Opera IX, Darzamat, Cadaveria, Darkened Nocturn Slaughtercult, Ego Likeness, In Tenebris, Limbonic Art, Anorexia Nervosa, Carach Angren, Gehenna, Carpathian Forest, Inquisition, Dark Fortress, Nattefrost, Behexen, Horna, Sargeist, Beherit, Watain, Tsjuder, Nile, Skinny Puppy, Front 242, Psychlon Nine, CeDigest, God Destruction, Suicide Commando, Dawn of Ashes, Judas Priest, Metallica, Iron Maiden, Lacuna Coil, Fear Factory, Combichrist, Behemoth, Tactical Sekt, Hocico, Depeche Mode, Birthday Massacre, Hatemagick, Rammstein, Bauhaus, Sisters of Mercy, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Propaganda, Bathory.


Food: Steak, blue-rare. Also, Jack Links. Meat and dairy are a staple in my diet.
The six things I could never do without
I've spent almost an entire year in social isolation. I've realized I don't really *need* anything, but my existence is hollower than ever without any friendship, affection, excitement, variety, hope, or pleasure.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

I wish I were half as spellbinding in person as I am over the internet.

What the fuck is wrong with me?
On a typical Friday night I am
Crying, vomiting on myself, masturbating myself with broken glass playing Robot Unicorn Attack. All at once.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I feel ugly.
You should message me if
You're scary in a functional way.

You have standards and think I have the potential to meet them or want to help me meet them.

You dig female fronted metal bands that aren't The Pretty Reckless or In This Moment.

You like ancient Egypt.

You don't live on the other side of the planet and seriously want to go out on dates.

You have an attention span of two months or longer.