32Birmingham, United States
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My self-summary
“I think a man only needs one thing in life. He just needs someone to love. If you can't give him that, then give him something to hope for. And if you can't give him that, just give him something to do.” Flight of the Phoenix 2004

So what am I doing hoping for love… reaching up, building pillars, some boys catch fireflies, while I pursue angels? What kind of man would I be if I finally caught one, more to the point what kind of man am I to dare such a thing.

A dreamer without a doubt but how does one dream about one he’s never known, something he’s never had and I suppose as others feel for a God I have not seen I only believe in this feeling, for someone out there who has yet to know me. A hopeless romantic, though not in the traditional sense of fairytales, I root for Peeta, yearn to be Tobias/Four, and would give anything to be Christian Grey, just to name a few. As Winston Smith put it, “Look, I hate purity. Hate goodness. I don't want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone corrupt.” A thought-criminal to be sure a monster looking to love such a woman of such innocence and virtue as such lust could demand so, I seek an angel to love.

“All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible.” T. E. Lawrence

This I did this I do, want, need, and desire… an artful love of lust; this is my passion, a reason, and a way I am in the process of continual learning. Another way of putting this is literature, learning, and libertine; indeed my passions can be defined by far more but my nature brings to mind these three.

As Henry Miller put it "The best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature." and so I am a writer of hundreds of poems and believe it or not, nine unpublished books. I read all that I can and over the past few months that has included… The Fifty Shades Series, The Hunger Games Series, The Divergent Series, His Dark Materials, and last but not least, Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook, along with several texts from the Marquis de Sade. I have been afforded the luxury of attempting to understand my sexuality and for now this lies in Sadism, Dominance and Submission, and learning several concepts in the world of BDSM such as Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Role-Play etc.

“When you look at me, when you think of me, I am in paradise.” William Makepeace Thackeray

Are you scared or do you dare to tumble down the rabbit hole a little further… to ask how far I would take you, I answer, somewhere only we know.

I have found beauty from picnics on Midsummer’s Day, a walk in the park, or maybe a hike in the woods, maybe we could sit by a lake, perhaps watch a horror movie in a graveyard; to be more traditional maybe a horror movie in a theater or one of my favorite books brought to life. Of course I can do better, would you ever go to an adult theater or bookstore, perhaps entertain you in my “Red Room” or would you dare somewhere more… public?

"She's mad but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire." Charles Bukowski

Dauntless, Selfless, Submissive, and yet my very own “Girl On Fire” all that I want in a woman and far more, all that you are, all you can be and will be… with me is the rub. Being shallow would be all the simpler I suppose and yes I can be but the heart, mind, body, and soul; however is one to bring them into sync.

Girls from worlds fondly remembered, Katniss Everdeen, Beatrice “Tris” Prior, Anastasia Steele/Grey, Fiona Belli, (yes I was a gamer) Hentai etc. I adore intelligence, someone who reads and seeks knowledge of all they can, artistic yearnings especially writers, and an innocence, a goodness that shares such light with me. Let that light be a fire… a fallen angel, someone who would revel in virtue but would long to sin and would defy such virtue, with me.

Angelus Errare.
What I’m doing with my life
Is it truly my life to begin with… I remember this quote from the film Schindler's List “he who saves one life, saves the world entire” and I like to think of my life perhaps as a cell to the greater life of ourselves. However on average I find that not to be the case at all, the average life I see is in service to other lives and then that begs the question who are these other lives?

If I had my way to touch one life which brings about knowledge, beauty, love, or salvation is what I hope to say someday. To somehow enrich this planet with something that prolongs its existence for the better wouldn’t be so bad either. I look at my dog and wonder is he happy, does he feel loved, have I given him a life worthy of living and I would be proud to say that my life gave him love.

Yet with this life… I go to work, I do everything that I can to improve the business to which I am employed but I would be lying if I said that it fulfilled me. Those that gave me life; what should I say… that’s just it, there’s nothing there and while I once found as the song goes “and I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad” this is just the norm. Of the other lives around me, my dream is to share what life I have with just one, which would be a start I suppose.

You ask me about my life but honestly that is nothing to write home about so why not instead write about a life I would consider. As always I leave this to whoever it may concern about what my life is seeing as how we live for the most part what some others may wish.

I am a writer, that's what I am; I once thought it was perhaps my gift to the world, then again why lie, and now there is what I feel. Sometimes I feel as though I am in the pursuit of knowledge and reason, which there can be none of when it comes to affairs of the heart.

As I said before if you have been reading my profile, I have written but not yet published nine books, novellas, short stories, poetry, and full fledge novels. I try to write something every day if but a few words of actual meaning, though it can be mistaken for madness at times. When I find the time I intend to get my blog back up and running again but my life is not my own, and if it were only for my dog I wouldn’t mind that at all.

The knowledge of oneself is very important to me and could be define with the words that we surround ourselves with, the words that touch us, and that enrich our lives. I read for these two reasons… the first being to gain knowledge and fulfillment; to have what has long since been denied through sharing the vision of another and for a while now that has been love. The second is of course to help hone my craft, while I have no formal education in writing the desire has been quite resolute throughout my life and so I do.

Someday I would like to spend my life writing, in a way it’s putting the past behind me with my stories or maybe shining a path before me. At the moment I am seeking to explain myself but would much be reading the sequel to Divergent which is Insurgent.

What I am seeking right now from life is love and how can one love another until they love themselves; now while this is a long time coming I begin with the knowledge of what I am. Sadism… The deriving of sexual gratification or the tendency to derive sexual gratification from inflicting pain or emotional abuse on others.
In my so called life I am seeking to discover who I am and what I want out life but that in itself sounds somewhat harsh, I intend to give and to receive from life but then that begs the question what can I give? The answer I feel is feeling itself but what is it that I feel in general and that is nothingness, to be wanted, needed, desired and mostly importantly of all loved. Perhaps this is why I have studied different concepts of BDSM which most people equate with bondage and while I have never been one for the leather or whip mentality, the idea of capture, of power, of being the outsider looking in, the loss of innocence in exchange for knowledge of true freedom.

The idea of making someone deny their bodies desires, to make them give in regardless of morality, conscience, and reason for again when has true love ever been reasonable, seems a gift from one life to another. Is it truly life if it is not our own, I propose a world, two lives free from such, in its essence to live for one another… while some see dominant and submissive, master and slave, I see two people who are for each other. My purpose is thus, to have a girl want, need, desire, and love me as I have and will her.

How else would you know me; I would have you be my mine through and through and in that I will have what I most desire in life. What am I doing with my life, looking for love, looking for you
I’m really good at
"Don't try to be a great man. Just be a man, and let history make its own judgements."
Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

So I guess I can settle for good, as you can see I’m good at picking movies, probably even better at picking music, unless it’s gospel; for the most part there is nothing good about gospel music. I’m a good dancer when it comes to being in my bedroom, maybe making dinner and the right song comes on, being in my car and nodding my head, that I might consider myself great at, especially on a Saturday morning lying in bed, with a Youtube playlist on my kindle; level expert head nodder.

Before that I WAS a good singer but I was also a rather decent church going kid; you can poll the dog, he seems to enjoy my singing but he grew up watching and listening to the Disney channel. Speaking of which unless you’re talking about “Girl Meets World” my TV and viewing habits vary from horror to soap operas; to this day I’ve never seen Game of Thrones and I don’t watch sports except for professional wrestling (the kid in me), the Super Bowl… commercials, and the Olympics and I’m proud to be an American.

“Mercy is the mark of a great man. Guess I'm just a good man. Well, I'm all right.”
Firefly – Shindig (2002)

I would say I’m good with people but better with animals or an animal, my dog to be quite specific. What does it really mean to be good with people anyway, if it’s listening and observing then yes I am.

That’s what my dog teaches me every single day; I know what he wants and what he needs without one single word but like people he always wants more but he’s content. Most people aren’t sure what they want and so I can only observe and when I do have to ask… well it depends on the circumstances of the situation. I suppose I’m the same way but I’m good at holding stuff in, although if you’re still reading this, there might be some disagreement on that fact.

Not being much of a talker makes me a good listener in a way but most people talk only to hear themselves; it’s the new breathing. The miracle is actually knowing what to listen to, which keeps me out of trouble and not trying to hear what I want so I can respond with something. Reading between the lines, not all it’s crack up to be

“I want to be the person my dog thinks I am.”

Now I think that would make me a great man and it’s good if I’m making strides to be that guy every single day but who is he really. I’m good at reading for an hour daily, I want to constantly improve my mind and explore other ideas.

Some people might say I’m good at writing, not much of a big leap but if I’m not reading, I’m writing and I want to make that my life’s work because I could do it from practically anywhere giving me time for a family or so I hope. I would say I’m good at book selection but I stick to certain genres and in some ways books are like love affairs, some are one night stands, others are marriages, and some you wish you had never seen in the first place. With what I want out of life, my plans have gone from good to great but that’s just according to me and sadly I’m good at making plans but not so much with making them come true but step by step and so it goes.

I’m good at oversharing really because I’m not good at keeping secrets, or lies.

“Go find a woman and you'll find love”
Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynyrd

I want to be good at love but where or who do I look to when it comes to this; all the books I’ve read, all the movies I’ve watched, all the songs I’ve taken inspiration from aren’t teaching me how to be the nice guy or the bad boy. Now laughter, I can keep a girl laughing for quite awhile, but as the song goes… I absolutely love her, when she smiles.

No problems knowing what I want, I’m good at that, at being picky, at being sweet, and good enough to help other guys land the women of their dreams, regular ole “Cyrano de Bergerac”. I don’t snore or at least nobody has ever told me I do… the dog is quite tightlipped when it comes to these type of things. Name a movie and I can pick out the romantic parts, I’m the best with clichés though I also have quite the imagination when it comes to my own romantic endeavors.

What am I really good at… I’m really good at dreaming but I want to be really good at being me, her and us

“A man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions.... He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer--because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

1. I’ll never tell
2. The Gargoyle by Andrew Davidson
3. The Immortals by Tracy Hickman
4. The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton
5. Ravishment: The Dark Side of Erotic Fantasy by Desmond Ravenstone
6. His Dark Materials Series (The Amber Spyglass) by Philip Pullman
7. Destroyed by Pepper Winters
8. Fever Series (Shadowfever) by Karen Marie Moning
9. The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins
10. Sex Zombies by S. Wolf

I can never give my favorite book away… parents shouldn’t have favorites but yes number one is the book that makes me the proudest. I was actually introduced to The Gargoyle by a friend and The Immortals I read during high school.

The Manual is my bible and yes I’m into BDSM, Ravishment is my particular fetish and can be the most problematic for people to understand and explains a few things. His Dark Materials was my school days as well and Destroyed sigh I get Fox in a way and for that I need a woman like MacKayla Lane, Dani, Katniss I could go on for awhile. Sex Zombies nothing like it


1. Star Wars Series (New Hope)
2. In Time
3. Repo The Genetic Opera
4. DOA Dead or Alive
5. Seeking a Friend for the End of the World
6. Let Me In
7. Great Expectations 1998
8. The Adjustment Bureau
9. Public Sex
10. Equilibrium

Normally I watch plenty of horror movies but the zombie movies are beginning to blend together and this list would be nothing but horror movies, zombies and psychopaths this is a more general list. Star Wars because who doesn’t like Star Wars I’m not an overall hater of Episodes I – III either the original if pressed has to be my favorite and I’m more with the Empire, Sith, and First Order than the Republic or rebellion.

In Time was a brilliant concept, Repo is my favorite Rock Opera, DOA because I’m a guy, Seeking a Friend for the End of the World and Let Me In because that is what I want


1. Containment
2. General Hospital
3. The Walking Dead/Fear The Walking Dead
4. Girl Meets World
5. Into The Badlands
6. RahXephon
7. Blue Gender
8. Are You The One
9. Modern Family
10. WWE

I’d give anything to have a love like Jake and Katie, Xander and Teresa, the only difference is those guys could get the girls before the infection. General Hospital I got stuck on and watch it every weekday because I don’t know how to quit it, yeah I might need help.

The Walking Dead and spinoff, I’m waiting for zombies, Girl Meets World because I was a fan of Boy Meets World and I had a crush on Topanga just like I had a crush on Winnie in The Wonder Years. Into The Badlands was awesome and I also must have my anime with 6 and 7, sadly I’m too old for Are You The One


1. Love Me Like You Do - Ellie Goulding
2. I Want It All/We Will Rock You Mash-Up
3. In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins
4. Atom Bomb Baby - The Five Stars
5. Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd
6. Poor Sweet Baby - Peppermint Patty
7. Kiss From A Rose - Seal
8. Beat It – Michael Jackson
9. That’s How You Know Nico & Vinz (feat. Kid Ink & Bebe Rexha)
10. I Don’t Care Anymore – Phil Collins

Ellie Goulding is my weakness I listen to plenty of her music and listen to this at least three times a day, guess where I first heard it? The Mash-Up is my personal theme song amongst other things, and In The Air Tonight or I Don’t Care Anymore are for when I’m pretty pissed.

Atom Bomb Baby… I could use a girl like that but Simple Man always makes me think of my mother though she never told me anything like it; Poor Sweet Baby from Peppermint Patty is my sick song, when I’m really tired, or when I’m hurting. Kiss From A Rose just speaks to me and Beat It always makes me want to fight I guess.


1. “Seafood & Chicken Box” Shrimp Dinner with Fries, Baked Potato, and Tatar Sauce
2. Shrimp and Pasta
3. Steak and Baked Potato
4. “Buffalo Wild Wing” Blazin' Wings
5. Grilled Chicken Salad
6. Subway Buffalo Chicken
7. Sour Gummy Worms
8. Tacos
9. Boston Market Salisbury Steak
10. Nachos

I never really eat out but when I have the money I splurge and Seafood & Chicken Box is pretty close by and is awesome. I can actually make a pretty good shrimp and pasta mix, grilled chicken salad, and even tacos though I normally go to Taco Bell for the tacos and nachos.

I haven’t had a steak and baked potato meal in a while, it was once my go to birthday meal that I’m sure the dog would like to try. Sour gummy worms are my go to meal and I was introduced to the Buffalo Chicken Sandwich, it’s all I ever order at Subway. When I don’t cook I have a Salisbury Steak meal in the freezer.


1. “The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me.”
― Ayn Rand

2. “A man's sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions.... He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer--because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.”
― Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

3. “I think a man only needs one thing in life. He just needs someone to love. If you can't give him that, then give him something to hope for. And if you can't give him that, just give him something to do.” Flight of the Phoenix (2004)

4. “Aut inveniam viam aut faciam” "I shall either find a way or make one."

5. “When she's abandoned her moral center and teachings...when she's cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor...when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure.....enticing from within this feral lioness...growling and scratching and biting...taking everything I dish out to that moment she is never more beautiful to me. ”
― Marquis de Sade

6. “Barrons laughed again. "And there, my dear Fio, you make one of Womankind's greatest mistakes: Falling in love with a man's potential. We so rarely share the same view of it, and even more rarely care to achieve it. Stop pining for the man you think I could be -- and take a good, long, hard look at the one I am.”
― Karen Marie Moning, Darkfever

7. “If you can't fuck it, eat it or use it for a weapon--kill it.”
― Karen Marie Moning

8. "She's mad but she's magic. There's no lie in her fire." Charles Bukowski

9. “All men dream but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. This I Did” T. E. Lawrence

10. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13

I’m a believer, now maybe not in any deity but I believe what I believe until I’m proven wrong or I learn something that might negate my current lessons. These days I am trying with one because I’m the only one stopping me and any woman I pursue measures up to two.

Three is for damn certain and four is something else I want to try and do with my life with everything I do. Nearly no woman likes number five so if I ever meet a woman like that I believe it may just be love. Six a lot of woman should try and do but then again what kind of man I am… that still has yet to be determined I think.


1. Unknown Girl (Anime)
2. Katniss Everdeen – Jennifer Lawrence
3. Beatrice “Tris” Prior - Shailene Woodley
4. Cassiopeia Marie Sullivan - Chloë Grace Moretz
5. Spencer (Anime)
6. Killerandasweetthang - Eileen Kelly
7. The Last of Us Ellie
8. Sofia Kasuli
9. Angel - Zoë Isabella Kravitz
10. Lucy - Phoney Girlfriend | Baller Industries

So am I shallow or am I shallow… I really need to add pictures of some of these girls but I figure if anyone is that curious I might get a message here or there. My grandmother said I had a lot of pride but go back to my number two quote, and I also don’t like to lie or waste people’s time

These girls don’t only have beauty but have fire, Katniss and Tris, are resourceful and they never give up like Cassie, okay Spencer is just hot as hell. Eileen is intelligent and isn’t scared of her sexuality, Ellie has such strength and for a girl so long, Sofia Kasuli knows how to turn me on and the others
Six things I could never do without
The White Room

The blank page of a new world being born, that blank page at the end of the book of a journey traveled, or let’s just say a place for all of the madness. Can’t say I’ve ever been one for the white coat, neither doctor nor patient but I refer to “The White Room” as a place of nothing but pure thought.

I guess I learned pretty early in life I would need a place like that; the first words I ever remember writing down was my own name but maybe that’s the same of every child. As I grew up I started to think it wasn’t I who was “crazy” but the rest of the world; if the “crazies” are running the asylum then the institution is free and so I spend most of my days even then and now living in books


Life is a constant learning experience, who knows how many great things I’ve forgotten or how many incredible things I have yet to experience. I can only hope that what I’ve forgotten is worth what I’m actually trying to figure out, as the song goes… save room for my love.

My head is filled with pretty words, stories, ideas but there are some things you never forget, first kiss, first time, waking up next to someone and being truly happy, not knowing what to think because of it, to angry or sad with that someone, or even how to love them. There is plenty I have left to learn I suppose but I’m looking forward to knowing more as always so until them I’ll keep wondering.

Something to Do

Don’t worry I won’t use that same quote again, if you’re still reading you know which one I’m talking about seeing as how I don’t have someone to love and I don’t hope for much necessarily. I work, I write, I study, and sure I love my best friend which is my dog but life is more than just something to do.

“Get busy living, or get busy dying.” as the saying goes but it’s just two sides of the same coin I think, and if it won’t be love I could always work more on my novel, always try to be a better me. I do like the idea of “doing it” though… yeah I suppose I’m getting pretty old in the world and there is still so much I have left to do without a doubt. What’s next

The Kindness of Strangers

“Freedom (n.): To ask nothing. To expect nothing. To depend on nothing.”
― Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Sad to say this is something I have never truly had so what sort of man does that make me… if anything I just haven’t made it to that point yet. I have so much in the world but I have been amazingly fortunate up to this point, from having a job, to the everyday life style I lead.

Someday I want to do for myself and anyone else that comes along, it’s why I want to be a writer, I want to be so many things and yet at the same time I want to be able to help some. I don’t want to need anybody but I want to be needed if that makes any sense; I know I seem quite ungrateful at times. It’s scary to think how connected some people are for one reason or another, how we could lose everything just because


Honestly the world could use more of it, I move so fast (in some things) because I hate wasting anyone’s time but on the other hand I have the patience of a saint, especially when it comes to myself. Nothing happens overnight, how long did it take me to train the dog, to finish my writing, if anything just to endure everything I have to do at work.

For the most part, patience has everything to do with me, growing and learning and somedays I feel like giving up but I just have to keep going regardless of everything. What kills me sometimes is the idea that I’m either waiting for the impossible, to scare to go get what or who I want or am I really leaving someone waiting for me maybe?


Because without it I would have starved already and then the dog would have starved, I eat and the dog keeps eating; when it comes to cooking I can cook pasta on the stove but I still use the microwave for shrimp. Not a day that goes by I don’t use it, from pizza to about every single thing I buy from the store; all the books I read you’d figure one of them would be a cookbook at some point

I’m more likely to cook food on a desert island over an open fire than I am to use the stove, as much as I hate Wal-Mart there is no end to the microwavable food I’m usually accustomed to on the average day. I also like hot chocolate but never saw the sense in buying another machine for coffee and everything else since I only have tea on occasion too
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The man in the mirror, the man I’m trying to change, into the man I want to become; now this might sound like a contradiction because that true change must start from within. I have focused too much on outside factors entirely too long and the thing about it is I actually agree in some part that these factors do make a man what he is, indeed they truly must.

“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” Scarface

With or without the women I want the money because I want the power and in this life, power is all that matters at the end of the day. I have a friend and I tell her all the time about the “primal instinct” the nature of man or of any species is to preserve said species, survival is paramount but even that is just another form of power, monarchies, legacies, etc. Now I believe in a thing called love as the song says but I’m also a “dominant” and by definition that is a position of power but if I have no power over myself… or love, how can I have it for anyone else; but I love plenty.

“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.”
― Marquis de Sade

“One must do violence to the object of one's desire; when it surrenders, the pleasure is greater.”
― Marquis de Sade

So again I’m looking at that man, that guy, that dude, whoever I am in the mirror, thinking on one hand why am I tearing him down but then again maybe that’s not what I’m doing at all; I’m becoming, not to sound trite but caterpillar to a butterfly? Isn’t that what I want to do to a woman, I imagine something to the tune from Jesus Christ Superstar I Don't Know How To Love Him, perhaps Cupid Shoot Me, or like my favorite song Love Me Like You Do.

I want to want myself as badly as I want some women, for the right woman hell for the right love a man can do damn near anything and the fact that I have no woman to speak of… yet. “A normal man can do the impossible to save the woman he loves. My husband is no normal man.” Tarzan 2016 – now that’s the type of man I want to be someday to be quite honest but my first challenge lies in the man standing before me. If I can only get past him, if I can understand the things he does, the life he has led, which in a way explains a bit of my sexual nature to be sure

“Can we become other than what we are?”
― Marquis de Sade

“A man who conquers himself is greater than one who conquers a thousand men in battle.” ~Buddha

I always talk about girls as if they were divine creatures, goddesses, angels, and the like as if I’m not worthy to be where they are but from what I have learned I really don’t want to be. Let me be that man I see in the mirror, let that man be who she wants, and let her do whatever it takes to have him and what shall I do to keep her as mine

“The best approach to get girls is to understand that women actually are easy while at the same time never letting them feel so.”
― W. Anton, The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them

“Love Is Stronger Than Pride”
― Marquis de Sade

From hand holding to chains, whichever brings her closer to me but why not both, from the bedroom to wherever else, from it was only a kiss to whatever else I may require of her and she of me. This is my dilemma, I read somewhere once that all it takes is twenty seconds of insane courage but what happens if I succeed in such thing, another song choice of mine Sixty Minute Man and indeed I want far more than that. I need a woman that dares me to live brave but she will have to be incredibly strong as well to be with someone like me honestly

Can I ever be such a man for such a girl, I look at the man in the mirror and despite how I “think” I look I know what really matters is who is on the inside, my how that sounds cliché but stands true

“...your service will be arduous, it will be painful and rigorous, and the slightest delinquencies will be requited immediately with corporal and afflicting punishments; hence, I must recommend to you prompt exactness, submissiveness, and total self-abnegation that you be enabled to heed naught but our desires; let them be your laws, fly to do their bidding, anticipate them, cause them to be born...”
― Marquis de Sade

“Fire to his ice, frost to her flame.”
― Karen Marie Moning, Burned

I think about the man I’m going to be when I wake up in the morning, every day I want to be better and when I am it’s great but hardly anyone sees him and when I’m not, *sigh* it seems I’m always in the spotlight. The good news is I only really care how I see myself the bad news is I want one other person to care and I don’t really care that much anymore to be honest.

“You are what you are. Find a way to live with it.”
― Karen Marie Moning, Burned

“Let us give ourselves indiscriminately to everything our passions suggest, and we will always be happy…Conscience is not the voice of Nature but only the voice of prejudice.”
― Marquis de Sade

Even putting myself out in this form breaks every rule I have learned from “The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them” and yet I want a girl who prescribes to the truths within; how’s that for contradiction. I’m at work sometimes and I want to be the man in the dark erotica I read on breaks but I also want to be the man that reads those little storybooks we sell; hell if I ever had kids they’ll be getting the whole Sabriel, Hunger Games, Divergent, Article 5 bedtime stories. I think about the man I’ll be one Saturday morning after a Friday night of fun who will be lying in bed with his girl listening to 40’s and 50’s nuclear pop.
On a typical Friday night I am
Friday night to me has always been like that show, “Saved By The Bell”, sort of what you think high school is supposed to be. For me Friday night has always brought with it the promise of debauchery and good times, drinking, partying and the like but if anything I’m not like most people really.

I’ve never been much of a drinker but to be fair I haven’t given it much of a chance, though I have been known for the occasion drink, I’ve never been drunk but I’d like to be just for the experience points. A club or a party has never been my idea of a fun time either, if I am going to go out might as well be to a bookstore or maybe a museum, something new or exciting off the beaten path to be sure. As far as debauchery is concerned, trust me if most people knew the ideas I have in mind, no night out in club could ever measure up for real

Life isn’t Saved by the Bell but considering my last few Friday nights why wouldn’t I just settle for this one, just to try it on for size, once maybe

Anyway the question, on a typical Friday night I am… I don’t even remember my last Friday night, normally that’s a good thing, but chances are they are all just that forgettable, they tend to blend together, no more, no less. I can make a few assumptions, either I’m catching up on all the television I’ve missed, better I’m lost in some book, I’m getting ready for Saturday morning {more on that later), or I’m just catching up on my sleep, the week is killer

Personally there is nothing I like more than unwinding with a good book, though there are things that could make the experience so much than it is. I look up songs from a certain genre, but it has become somewhat of my habit to spend a few hours just lying in bed listening to my ready-made playlist; it’s not as depressing as it might sound. There is also something about a movie night, but if I do go to the movies, that would usually be on a Thursday because I like being the first person to see a movie, which is actually a recent discovery.

Now if I could have my ideal Friday night, I could go the girlfriend experience route or pornstar experience; honestly I think both are quite romantic. The right girl would have to think the same, but why split the fantasy at all, I just have so many ideas for fun.

There was a time when all I wanted was to sit at the lake with a pretty girl and watch the sunset and wait for the stars to appear; can’t say I’m much of a camper but there was this movie I saw once, well plenty of movies. On the other hand, I spend time creating erotic scenes of a more “BDSM” variety but I have yet to play any single scene out yet. I think though the best Friday night, I wouldn’t want to end, I wouldn’t be worried about Saturday morning to be honest or maybe I would look forward to sharing it if anything, someday I’ll see

At the moment I can’t say I’m even ready for one wild Friday night, I don’t entertain much; that might be an idea for a Friday night, getting ready for the next Friday night or if the right person doesn’t mind my usual décor, how about making a mess maybe

Wouldn’t it be more telling what sort of Friday night a person has by seeing how they wake up Saturday morning, if they got any sleep at all that is. My Saturday morning would be the same to some small degree to the everyday, waking up with my arms wrapped around someone but I actually look forward to seeing how my dog will react to any new arrival, (be prepared)

On Saturday I expect something to “Breaking Dawn” Bella assessing a bit of the damage; I don’t expect a trip to IKEA the first time but I will be adding a first aid kit along with new home furnishings. I still want to wake up to music but breakfast would be nice to, or maybe just watching a movie in bed, of course I always have to walk my dog the first thing, I can’t deny him. Anyway I’ll get Friday out the way first; here’s to new ones, and awesome Saturday’s and restful Sundays and as for the rest of the week, no clue
You should message me if
“If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain”

Probably not but if you remember that commercial Taco Bell did to this song, that actually might be quite a good start. Speaking of commercials, if you watch the “Super Bowl” just so you can catch the commercials first without the distraction of the comments section of Youtube, that gives you more free time really

What about if you watch TV only to serve as background noise while you do something on the internet or you leave it paused when you start watching cute videos, or maybe you only watch things with your Roku. How about if you get some time off and might finally fire up the PS3, PS4 or whatever for some GTA V, The Last of Us, or even some Fallout 4. You might just work a lot and fill up your DVR, maybe you just like movies they turn into books, perhaps you need to kill a few brain cells to fit in with the rest of society, same here.

I suppose sooner or later then, you will get around to messaging me then or I’ll message you, as soon as I catch up with “General Hospital” and if there are no good books to read… good luck with that.

While I’m on the subject of books maybe you like walking around a bookstore scanning for titles you will buy later on Amazon Smile because you like hardcover editions better or you just find them cheaper than in the store itself. You might be upset that a title like “Sex Zombies” only comes in a digital edition because you really want to have something interesting to talk about on your bookshelf, or you’re just weird

You look in your closet and you find yourself wearing all black and you imagine you’re “Obsidian Fox” or more to the point you want to date a guy that dresses as such. Sometimes you get caught up in a series like “Into The Badlands” and you’re so anxious for another season that you wonder, why they haven’t made a book that you can read. Maybe you’re the type of person who likes the original covers of books and spend your time trying to buy those unless they have Jennifer Lawrence or Shailene Woodley on the cover… what they’re hot

Maybe you’ll message me because” chains and whips” excite you as the song goes; the idea of being tied up in your own underwear sort turns you on as well. You could be an angel taking the night off or the girl who can make a halo and a new pair of wings, you think?

Not like you need them because you like the feeling of walking in the woods in your bare feet and a sundress, you lose your sneakers on a jog, maybe you’re a business woman stranded waiting for superman to pick her up but instead… You don’t go anywhere because the world outside seems so unkind, you don’t get tired of my constant musical attempts, maybe you make a few of your own as the bed springs sing; what’s my age again. The feeling can strike at any moment, and what was that I said about trying to make horns into a halo… maybe I actually like you horny, maybe you always are and a word like nympho or “other things” always gets highlighted in the book that you’re reading, always.

At the end of the day, you’ll do what you like anyway… at least for a while, I still have so much to learn, filtering, truth telling, discretion, hey I’m just a man. Why should you message me, I could probably give you a thousand reasons but in the end I think this is one of those things you have to just figure out for yourself.

My dog figures the best legs, breasts, and thighs, can be found in the nearest bucket of chicken and yet I’m still here; I should say box of chicken because I prefer Buffalo Wild Wings or Church’s to anybody else but that being said I don’t consider it a deal breaker. Reasons not to message me… if you don’t like dogs, if Roll Tide, War Eagle, or any other sport team’s motto is part of your vocabulary, give me a minute and I suppose I can come up with quite a few more. Why wouldn’t I message you… hmm that is the question but if you’re still reading this let me just state for the record that I am quite impressed to say the least.

So what are you waiting for, “Love Me Like You Do”
The two of us