39Cincinnati, United States
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My self-summary
I worked at a record store for 3 years after college and stockpiled tons of music and movies. I will let you copy them if you want.

I don't have cable.

I was an AMA Superbike mechanic, no lie. I can take your Suzuki apart and put it back together, provided it's a Gixxer and you have a bunch of metric tools laying around.

I thought Titanic was the worst movie I've ever seen even after I saw Gigli.

You will probably beat me at video games.

I still have the box my Optimus Prime came in.

I have been to Space Camp.

I have mastered the art of making lists.

I know how to write a haiku.

Beer gives me rhythm.

My theme music is totally badass.

I am not above toilet papering someone's yard if it will make you happy.

I think George Bush is a complete knob.

My profile is very brief.

The world loves me and is my bitch.

My ass is sometimes wise.

I am the orignial gangster.

I listen to lots of music:

I take lots of pictures:

I am ribald, bendy, and voluptuous
What I’m doing with my life
Ladieeeees, I'm totally preparing to seed the Earth with my rock 'n' roll ninja baby offspring.
I’m really good at
Computars, the internets, using my turn signals, Gran Turismo, gum chewing, bo staff, numbchucks, comma splicing, use of Roman NUMERALS and capital letters, skullduggery.
The first things people usually notice about me
Pert, pert thighs... Straight teeth... I take things too seriously... my magic pants.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
(a)Crime and Punishment, Bukowski, Candide, the Dictionary

(b)Brazil, Withnail & I, Big Lebowski, Shaun of the Dead

(3)NIN, Aphex Twin, Englebert Humperdinck, AC/DC, Motorhead

(iv)sushi, bees, meatloaf
Six things I could never do without
1.)magic pants

2.)lungs (duuuuh!)

3.)He-Man reruns

4.)my cockles (not EVEN perverted, yo... get your mind outta the gutter already)


6.)fart jokes

I spend a lot of time thinking about
I think about writing the great American novel. I think about how I'm 1 tutu and a pair of tights away from being oficially the greatest dancer on Earth. I think reality television is a crime and that Chevy Chase needs to just stop doing anything remotely resembling performance in the public arena. I think I mislead people and make them think I dance a lot more than I actually do. I spend a lot of time thinking about how much having a pet monkey would kick serious ass. I think Van Halen was better with David Lee Roth even though he's a freak of nature. I think George Bush should learn to pronounce "nuclear" correctly. If money were no object, I think I would start racing something... something very fast and dangerous. I think it's a travesty that, for the most part, fundamental religion dominates the decisions about where our world should be headed. I think we'd all be happier in kilts because they're just more freeing. I think about effective ways to make people laugh using the words "bufanda" or "homunculus". I think I pretend at being smarter than I actually am. I think I'm probably one of those stereotypically annoying douchebags who inserts pop culture and movie quotes into too many of my conversations. And finally... I spend a lot of time thinking about people who have sons and name them things like Ashley and Stacey because, I mean seriously, what the fuck is that all about?
On a typical Friday night I am
Spreading thinly veiled innuendo over the internets in between bouts of world saving/collapsing and Grand Prix racing on ye olde Xbox. Bathing my liver in wine/beer.

If I'm not engaged in those things, then I'm probably at the racetrack.

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have firsthand knowledge of how to put on a Chuck E. Cheese costume. I would also recommend wearing a protective cup when you do because waist-high toddlers filled to capacity with soda, cotton candy and pizza can be evil little bastards.

I am older than a lot of famous dead guys. A lot of famous dead guys didn't live as long as me.

You should message me if
Hopefully you are a mammal. A pulse is a big bonus. A managable pelt is a must. If you are a pirate, I will propose marriage at the earliest opportunity. If you think the Young Ones is one of television's greatest gifts to mankind. If you are a Ghostbuster OR clandestine member of the A-Team. If you've ever been in traffic, pretended like your ride had a turbo boost button and acted like you were being thrown back in your seat Hasselhoff style. If you have no idea what that last sentence was about, chances are a friendship is not in the stars for us. If you know where Mr. T gets his hair done, I could use some advice on my bangs. If you are a member of the Bikini Bandits(TM), chances are we're sole mates who will arch support one another forever.
The two of us