28 San Diego, United States
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My self-summary
I'm either the smartest dumb guy or the dumbest smart guy. I have a degree but it's tacked to my refrigerator with a magnet.

Standup comic. At least that's what it says on the degree.

Have lived many lives and sampled Starbucks house blend from all corners of this beautiful planet. Ask me about my weird jobs.

Want to go to an open mic? No? Perfect.
What I’m doing with my life
Booing the local elementary school talent show
I’m really good at
I'm a writer. A friend once told me that "women will someday sleep with you just for your words." Don't know if she was right. I have yet to pull off the sentence "I am George Clooney" convincingly.
The first things people usually notice about me
Not George Clooney
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I have the tastes of a dour sixteen year old runaway who lives in a Berlin art loft in 1983. Minus the heroin.
The six things I could never do without
Standup comedy
Jeff Bezos's eye
Pad of paper
Moving water
Interactive brands
The roller derby code of honor
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If the things I'm saying onstage are really putting people in a better mood. What Patrice O'Neal would think of me if he was still alive. How I can befriend a Juggalo.
On a typical Friday night I am
Mike Jones
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Keanu Reeves is gay.
You should message me if
You have at least one book you can sell me on being your favorite over Hunger Games.