MattieDastardly
43 Portland, United States
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MattieDastardly
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My self-summary
"We touch the Mexican monkey"- Daft Punk. At least I think that's what that song says.

Hi Y'all! I'm here to make friends (yes seriously), network with people, get to know ya, dating, fooling around, general anarchy, possibly more if there's electricity... It's why most of us signed up, right?

I think I'm up front in how I present myself- what you see is what you get. That said, what you get is a sweet and damned handsome aging bachelor with a capacity for limited intellectual conversation and a flair for the comical. I've been told that I make for a great set of ears on boring, lonely nights.

I also admit that I'm not as outdoorsy, artistic, or super motivated as a lot of people claim to be and perhaps are. I walk, mass transit, bike instead of drive and I'm not the type of person who views their job as a career or an extension of their personality. I'm not saying that I've given up trying to improve myself, but I know who I am and the things I expect from life. Individuals solely seeking a provider can pass me by.

I am a gamer, a bookworm, a scribe and comedian at heart. My idea of outdoor activity is a good long hike through the city just to see what I can see. I'm not the type of guy who is particularly inclined to travel around the world or learn to speak Swahili on a whim, but I'm not adverse. I'm just a city guy, looking for a city girl to do shots and go see a show with, a friend to play board games and share a bong with, or a lady who looks forward to cuddling on the couch and watching horrible movies together. Dull, perhaps, but I have learned over time that excitement will seek you out whether you like it or not.
What I’m doing with my life
"All I do is dick around... The sun goes up the sun goes down.
The leaves turn green the leaves turn brown and all I do is dick around"- Sparks

I live simply and don't demand much and lo and behold- most of my dreams have been fulfilled. I have a roof over my head and food in my belly. I have a loving family and quality friends who care whether or not they see me. I have a steady if non-glamorous job and the ability to have fun when I can. If these dreams seem pedestrian to you, then perhaps I am not the droid that you are looking for.
I’m really good at
making people laugh and making mixtapes. Don't tell me it's the Spotify generation- I'll still make a mixtape (fine- CD) that'll rock the house!!
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm quiet until I'm comfortable. Like a tortoise, I can be slow to come out of my shell. Once an appropriate comfort level has been achieved I won't quit talking but until then consider me as "shy".
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I don't suppose I have to make all these lists but I enjoy it too much, so skim or skip as you prefer...

Books: Geek Love, Jonathan Strange and Mister Norrell, Trick Baby, Motherless Brooklyn, Blindness, Cryptonomicon, A Confederacy of Dunces, Vernon God Little, Robert Parker's Spenser series, Tony Hillerman's Chee/ Leaphorn mysteries, Tolkien, Jordan, Adams, Robbins, Rowling, Twain... so much more.

Movies: What We Do in the Shadows, Young Frankenstein, Pee-Wees Big Adventure, American Beauty, The Lone Ranger, Guardians of the Galaxy, Gran Torino, Tropic Thunder, Airplane!, What About Bob?, Finding Nemo, Harold and Maude, The Warriors... so much more

TV: Danger Mouse, True Detective, Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Walking Dead, Rockford Files, Deadwood, Cleveland Show, Metalocalypse, Hee-Haw, Dexter, Breaking Bad, Sanford and Son, Frasier, American Pickers, WWF, NFL, The Simpsons.... so much more

Music: Devo, Butthole Surfers, Laurie Anderson, The Dickies, Die Antwoord, The Bonzo Dog Band, Reverend Horton Heat, Diamond Dave-era Van Halen, System of a Down, Talking Heads, Ice Cube, Sly and the Family Stone, Spirit, Elastica, Soundgarden, Hank Williams III, Tom Waits, Roy Orbison, Suicidal Tendencies, L7, The Pixies, Beck, Weird Al, Junior Brown, Metallica, Django Reinhardt, Frank Zappa and the Mothers... SO MUCH MORE!!

Food: Turkey, lobster, sweet potato pie, pancakes piled up until they reach the sky...
The six things I could never do without
1. Chicken as food. Beef and swine could go from my diet, but chickens are my arch-nemeses and are meant to be eaten. They know what they did.

2. Music. Love going out to see live music or just bopping around the house to the boom box.

3. Marijuana. If weed's not your choice, that's OK. It is certainly mine however and is part of the overall package. Caveat Emptor!

4. Gaming. Board games, video games, crossword puzzles, sports... I am willing to wager that I'm always fond of a game.

5. Comedy. A good comedian to me is akin to a virtuoso musician or operatic diva. Which is to say they cost a lot to go see.

6. Sex (see Comedy).

7. The ability to count.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
the wrong things at the right time. Hence, comedy is born. Also since I'm a guy I'm genetically and contractually obligated to say sex. So, sex.
On a typical Friday night I am
probably in bed by the time you finish reading this sentence.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've answered 666 OKC profile questions. I will answer no more. If you can't sufficiently gauge my personality in 666 questions then consider me an enigma.
You should message me if
you read the headline regarding a mass awareness of a certain avian variety.
you can hum the enchanting Torgo theme.
you know that the best thing to have with beer is another beer.
you disagree and say weed is better because then you don't need the beer.
you like to make fun of movies as you watch them or you like to make up your own lyrics to songs as you hear them.
you know what a meeple is. Definitely getting bonus points there.
you have made it this far... you're almost there.
you don't know how to operate a keyboard, although how you'll do so is a mystery to me.
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