34Pittsburgh, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
I love stand up comedy and being the hostess of all social gatherings. I could probably spend my summer vacation in the cheese section of Whole Foods. If you've never squished cheeses with your fingers, I highly suggest it. If you have, we should probably hang out. My parents live in Florida and even though I don't enjoy the humidity, I feel like a little kid going to Disney World every time I visit them, not because I get to go to Disney World, but because there are lizards everywhere and even though I've never successfully caught one, I really enjoy chasing them all around.

I have a kayak and a bicycle and I never use either, but I would be willing to, if you are into that. I didn't learn to ride a bike until I was 24 so I'm kind of wobbly.

I make the worlds greatest chicken pot pie. My nanny kid also told me to add that I make good fried chicken. And yeah, my nanny kid is totally hanging out with me while I fill out my online dating profile. I don't have any of my own biological kids, but over the 15 years of being a nanny I have a wonderful collection of kids all over the place who make for the best buddies ever.

I want to be Dolly Parton when I grow up.
What I’m doing with my life
Squishing cheeses in the fancy cheese departments of grocery stores. Petting goats or just pulling over to the side of the road to stare at them when I see some. Adding stuff to my Amazon cart and then not actually buying it. Taking care of other people's children and doing my very best to make them better people, because holy shit the world needs that right now (and always but it does seem like we really need it more than ever right now).
I’m really good at
Filling out online dating profiles. Baking. Drinking the whole bottle of wine in one sitting. Getting children to like me. Eating cheeseburgers without caring at all about what happens to my waistline.

**Things I am BAD at:

Actually going on dates. Returning my library books on time. Falling asleep at a reasonable hour. Ending a Netflix binge. Riding a bike.
The first things people usually notice about me
**Jean Ralphio Saperstein voice** This question is the wooooooooorst
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I dont like to go into detail too much here because isn't that what first dates are for?

I do love going to shows. In the recent past I went to see Yo La Tengo, Belle & Sebastian, The Flaming Lips, The XX, Low, Mike Doughty, Sigur Ros, Bill Callahan, Idina Menzel (I love Showtunes), Deafheaven, Jimmy Buffet (thanks Mom and Dad), Jenny Lewis...etc. I like a lot of different music though, like everyone. Some of my favorites are The Mountain Goats, Lady Gaga, Why?, Ben Folds Five, Hanson, Regina Spektor, Fiona Apple.

I like all the food except for Olives, which makes me sad because olives seem cool.
Six things I could never do without
Well I really love my dog but he's getting up there in age so at some point I'm probably going to have to learn how to be without him. But until then, he is high up on the list. And then Beyoncé is a close second. And I dunno, ask me the rest when we meet because right now all that I'm thinking about is cuddling with my dog and listening to Beyoncé.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Adopting a second dog. How to get the kids I take care of to care about things that are important and not about the way their make up looks (they are 13). If Jen Aniston would be way into being my best friend. How I wish I spent less time on social media.
On a typical Friday night I am
Probably balls deep in a bottle of gin/bourbon/wine and making wonderful memories with the people who are nearest and dearest to my little heart. Maybe doing karaoke but not in public, just in the basement at my best friends house. Game night. Netflix. If I'm in Florida, probably getting drunk and getting into the pool of my parents 55 and older community condo association and NOT getting caught.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've seen Clay Aiken in concert like four times. SORRY I'M NOT SORRY.
You should message me if
-You have a lot of compassion
-You want to take cooking classes
-You want to dance around in your underwear with me while listening to The Beach Boys
-You often are described as "fucking hilarious"
-You don't have all your shit together, but you're working on it
-You want to sing me songs
-You like Pina Coladas
-You like getting caught in the rain
-You are not into yoga
Also, just if you want to would be really great too.
The two of us