33 New Bern, United States
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My self-summary
I wrote some shit here before, and it was all, I don't know, bull-shitty and stuff.

So here be some o' dat good ol' troof:

I like jokes.

I think people are stupid.

I also think i am stupid---------------
therefore, people must be REALLY FUCKIN' stoopid.

i wrote a story about this:

once upon a time we were on this planet with like crazy big animals and leftover dinosaurs and a bigass humanoid race that was similar to us but not quite as clever but just as smart and BIGGER and somehow we worked they asses and the dinosaurs died and the giant animals fucked each other till they were small (plausible???) and they are all dead now (unless you count police, in the case of neanderthals-- see page 67- 'fuckwit' ) and we have this planet and we choose to ride jetskis and paste trashy stickers of myley cyrus' asshole twerking on the ancient ruins that used to be an art museum but really what separates us from Neanderthals is our ability to create run-on sentences
I’m really good at
Writing satirical bullshit for bullshit viewers while bullshitting on my bullshit when i bullshit, dog
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Vonnegut, The dirty projectors, the pixies, eastbound and down, grimes, john Keats, e.e.Cummings, lagwagon, Matt and Kim, Tarantino films, Harry potter books and movies, comics (some, not many), Jurassic 5, Jurassic park, one flew over the cuckoo's nest, Louie C.K., The Knife, Bill Hicks, Huxley, Lao Tsu, Elliot Smith, Cloud Atlas, cloud nothings, Full Metal Alchemist, NWA, Falafel, Operation Ivy, The Graduate, Led Zep, Willie Wonka and the chocolate factory(old school no molester depp), BUILT TO SPILL, Charlie Kaufman films, Dan Simmons' Hyperion novels, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists, Transmetropolitan, Wes Anderson films, the mountain goats, cheese, hugs, laughter

too much.... stupid multimedia society... early days of internet bla bla, 90's were awesome etc gd yall WERD THATS GUD.
The six things I could never do without
I spend a lot of time thinking about
REALLY STUPID CRAP. NO LIE. LIKE, CHEEZ-WHIZZ STUPID. my bad. pls dont shoot my kids. i have forty elleven childs.
On a typical Friday night I am
working, and then abusing myself in a pathetic attempt to forget the soul-raping madness that humans have wrought. . . .

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
This profile was actually an attempt to present myself before i realized what a banal soulcrime it was. ENJOY YOUR TELEVISION

You should message me if
you found this funny

please feel free to send me mail. like, snail mail. containing original he man action figures. i promise i won't sell them on ebay. and if i did sell them, i wouldn't sell them under the category "lifestyle options". promise.