Hi, I'm looking for a lieing, cheating, manipulating, dramatic man-eater who will rip my heart out of my asshole and stomp it dry. She must sleep with all my friends behind my back while reminding me constantly that she is in love with her ex-boyfriend who is in rehab and/or jail.
I prefer a girl who flirts with as many guys as possible on a daily basis. I'm also looking for a girl who has a BILLION guy friends, most of which you've either dated or fucked at some point. It would be AWESOME if you still had feelings for some of them!
Saying "I love you" after one date is preferred, though will settle for two or three. I also like it when you ask me 20 times a day "Whats wrong?" - So hot. I'm looking for the girl that likes to be the center of attention, and will do almost anything to get it, whether it's at a bar, a halloween party, or a Sunday afternoon at my parents house.
I'm looking for that really special type of girl: the one with no goals or dreams, not very intelligent, and treats penis like fish treat water. Someone who has no real intensions of ever doing anything serious with her life unless its with a gang member and/or crack-head. MUST HAVE very low self-confidence. Us men love girls with low self-confidence. There's nothing we enjoy more than picking up the broken peices of your psychosis off the floor.
I'd like a real bitch. Just a girl who likes to boss a guy around because she gets off on it. I like to be confused when your on and off your menstration cycle. I like to have in-depth talks about our relationship, specifically when I'm trying to work or watching television.
You have to have at least 3 kids and have hygene so bad, I can smell you over the internet. I like talking about what you bought at the mall and your cat, and how you don't like that bitch at work because she always wears the same shoes as you. I enjoy phone conversations where we talk about nothing at all and waste my minutes and time.
Preferablly someone with a rich daddy and who has never worked a day in her life and has no idea of how to be a responsible person. I like a girl who doesn't like me spending time with my friends even if they're just in the other room. She must have no problems having sex with them though when I'm not around.
My favorite tv shows include The Real World, The Worlds Next Top Model, The Tyra Banks show, and pretty much anything on the E!, Lifetime, or Oxygen channels.
Must get extremely depressed when you hear sad songs that remind you of your ex's and tell me in detail of why that relationship ended. My dream girl must be materialistic and base her love for me by the amount of money I have in my bank account. Speaking of which, I enjoy going out every day and spending my money on smell-good candles and other bullshit you want that neither of us really need.
BROWNIE POINTS if you're addicted to smack.
The real me: I love to write (obviously), hope to make a living doing it full-time one day. I have a great job as a catering supervisor. I get to meet celebrities which is pretty cool. I'm very funny. No really, I'm hilarious. Kind-hearted. An animal lover until the day I die. I love tattoos. If you don't like them please don't message me. If you have tattoos and crazy hair, bonus points for you. I like my video games just like every other guy on the planet, if it annoys you that I play them, move on. Wouldn't you rather me be at home playing video games then out at the bar getting drunk or getting hit on by girls? Never understood that logic. Also, I love professional wrestling & UFC. If you watch those shows with me, I'll watch your stuff with you.
I am 110% loyal and I absolutely do not play games nor like them played on me. If I even get the hint that you're doing something you shouldn't I will walk away very fast. No drama. No B.S. I don't give two shits about your ex boyfriend either, just like you don't about my ex girlfriends.
Not a creeper. Not a stalker. I don't want your tit pics. If you're sending them to me you've probably already sent them to other guys. Basically, I'm a nice guy, good-looking, charming, egotistical to the fullest, hard-working, alot of great qualities. Message me and find out.
The Matrix Trilogy
...and a billion more
Anything Stephen King
Anything Chuck Palahniuk
Anything Frank Miller
Anything Neil Gaiman
...and a billion more
...and a billion more
The six things I could never do without? Well the first six that come to mind are oxygen, water, food, shelter, sleep, companionship.
2.) you have 27 kids with 26 different fathers
3.) you have herpes
4.) you have chylamedia
5.) you have syphilius
6.) you have aids
7.) you have gonnorhea
8.) you have HPV
9.) you have bad hygiene