27Astoria, United States
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My self-summary
I am not single.

Narcissist with occasional bouts of self-sabotage.

Currently not reviewing applications from men, but am accepting them.

Ladies are always welcome, provided you do not instagram the things we do together.

P.S. No one cares that you have tattoos. No one. Stop taking pictures of yourself unsubtly trying to get them in the shot too. And please don't try to explain how you were feeling at the time and which completely mediocre events brought you to the decision to get a four leaf clover behind your ear. The more you talk about your tattoos, the more I want to remove them with a razor blade.
What I’m doing with my life
I’m really good at
telling stories, making sauce, helping you decide which beer to drink, helping your girlfriend decide which cider to drink, making my friends and family worry, organizing crime and falling down stairs.
The first things people usually notice about me
That I'm the most perfect physical specimen upon which they have ever laid their eyes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
120 Days of Sodom.
Six things I could never do without
1. Other places
2. Paper
3. Kink
4. Sushi
5. Aprons
6. Italian delis
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Why so many people caption their photos with "obligatory selfie". There is no such thing.

How "methinks" returned to the current vernacular.
On a typical Friday night I am
pouring beer and telling stories.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
To the people who think this question is oxymoronic:

"Most" and "Willing" are the important words here. Get it? If you are unwilling to admit anything private, that's because you're insistent on maintaining an air of mystery, not because the question is invalid. Don't be dumb.
You should message me if
You're funny.

You follow boxing.

You always seem to identify with the Byronic hero.

You blend in with the night.

Do NOT message me if you're one of the momos who puts things like "water, food, air, etc" in your 6 things you cannot live without OR if you've ever put #<--- this symbol next to a picture of your meal
The two of us