CEO of political consulting firm; "writing" (mostly surfing the interWebz infinitely); got my real estate license, but deciding if I even want to go down that whole commissions-for- a-living rabbit hole....
Getting over the devastating end of a truly devastating love. Lots of trauma. Tread lightly.
I'm also really good at getting myself to doctors regularly, and always having up to date sexual health screening results on me.
Please, if you're trying to engage me physically, be a doll and have a recent blood test result on you. It's 2016, we have smart phones. You can have results emailed to you or take a pic of your printouts.
I'm soooooo over everyone being disgusting. I've gone this long without an STD, and would like to keep it that way. Have good hygiene in general please. Seriously. We're too old for this.
If I can provide proof that I'm not a biohazard, so can you.
For the sake of imbuing the profile with a bit more personality, I'll list at least one of each, though not necessarily my favorites; just the ones that come to mind now:
Beasts (or mostly anything else) by Joyce Carol Oates. Americanah. Handmaid's Tale. Hemingway over Faulkner. Oscar Wilde.
Quills, with Joaquin Phoenix, Kate Winslet and Geoffrey Rush. Amazing. I've seen Grease a literal few hundred times. Clueless is a flawless modern adaptation of Austen, and THE movie of my childhood. Pulp Fiction is a perfect movie.
The Sopranos is the best TV show of all time, point blank exclamation point! Mad Men, Broad City. The Affair had a great first two seasons but I'm not so keen on this new one. Black-ish is great.
I love singing and dancing and grew up playing music and performing, but I oddly don't listen to music all that often. It's probably Bc of all the mediums of entertainment, it's the one that most consumes me. If I'm listening to music I'm belting along and dancing my dick off, so it's not always as convenient as having the TV on or reading a book.
I'm allergic to everything, and eat EVERYTHING. Seafood, Thai and Mexican are my faves. I cook really well, but I also order take out like a master. Love both in equal measure.
Also, relatedly, why people lie. Yes, I get telling the cop that pulls you over, "I'm sorry officer, I didn't know I couldn't do that." Or telling your boss you're late Bc of traffic when it was obviously because of who you are as a person. But I genuinely do not understand lying socially. What, so you LIE... To impress someone? How the fuck does that work? I love impressing people because it makes me feel good. How can lying to impress someone ever make you feel good? If someone is impressed by a lie what does that do for you? If you convince them, then that means your most impressive feature is your mendacity. You should probably come clean and get all the praise for your chicanery. Lying in intimate friendships or relationships is anathema to who I am as a person or anything that brings us closer to God and ourselves. I'm highly triggered by lies. I don't abide. Please please please for all that is holy: I am not worth lying to. I don't have mansions and yachts or a pet grizzly bear you get to play with if you lie.
If you're not secure enough with yourself and your ability to interact with humans HONESTLY( if you haven't figured out how to set your own boundaries for privacy and personal shit without MAKING THINGS UP.) Please, seriously...
No but really I don't think I've done the same thing 2 Fridays running in ages. This is not necessarily a good thing. It speaks to a lack of routine.
Don't just "like" me. I can't see who likes me. I have over 13,000 likes on here. Thirteen THOUSAND. And I can't see who they are unless we mutually match! How many soul mates have I missed because they only "liked" me but didn't send a message so I never saw who they were? I understand liking me if you can't send a message at the moment, so you don't want to "lose me" in the sea of profiles. Occasionally do that too. But if you don't message me, I'll never know.
Edited to add: if you know that "casual sex" does not mean I want to get pumped and dumped by every ugly, lonely, emotion/commitment phobic weirdo out there. If you're one of those, don't bother. I'm not interested in dumb people that don't understand the transcendent potential of engaging physically with a relative stranger, but with mutual respect and an openness to the organic evolution of what that connection might bring. Understand that there is no option for fully formal sex, or I would have picked that. If I don't know you, how you use language, how you smell, how you hold your fork, I'm not coming over!! Keep it elegant people! Date around, keep your options open, enjoy the myriad physical options humans offer. But don't be pathetic about it.
If your profile pic is just a pic if your abs, or your dick, you're missing the point of life. If your first message to me is about either of our genitals or how much you love genitals, your verbiage sucks. Yes, you would love to go down on me for hours and hours. So would most people! That's not clever, a point of interest, or new.
Message me only if you understand that yours is one of hundreds in an influx of messages. (This is not a brag! This does not make me special! This is what it's like for women on these sites) Stop making it homework for me to have to rifle through all the BS to find the few awesome, clever, funny, sex-positive ones. Ladies and gentlemen, be ladies and gentlemen!
EDITED TO ADD YET SOME MORE!!!! Don't be dumb. If you're dumb, don't message me. I'm really serious. Analyze yourself. In all the rooms you were in today, were you actively, honestly the most erudite, well-versed, well-read, well-spoken person there??? NO? Then think twice. This might not be pretty.
Also, please understand that not all attention is good attention. If you come at me with an insult, WE ARE FIGHTING! It makes me almost suicidal that negging works. Really, really ask yourself if you're ok with rejections. Because here's the thing... I'll probably actively reject you. I get angry with sexist, stupid shit, and I will fight you. Not every time! But when I'm home sick, bored, and there you are with your hideously gelled hair, and your projections and your insecurities and for some reason you think it's ok to use me as some bizarre ego boost, sounding board for your stupidity, we. Will. Fight. Because, to me, it's more interesting to tell idiots they're idiots, and have proof positive of it for my records, than it is to not!!!! Just understand, that just because a woman responds does not mean she likes you. Especially if she's responding by saying things like, "I don't like you." If I don't respond, I probably think you're nice but am not interested. I wish you well. If I do respond, and it's not positive, i am NOT flirting, and you might be in for some shit!!
Message me only if you understand this!! Message me if you promise to stop giving me more things to add to this!