23Orlando, United States
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My self-summary
"Soon to be high-functioning alcoholic with a strong obsession for crude comedy and wearing ties."
--The New York Times

"Interesting guy that has a lot of fun stories, looks a little funny though."
--Rolling Stones

"First man in the history of earth to Suplex a raging bear, twice."
--The Onion

"He called me a pigeon-looking motherfucker and then started making bird noises. I didn't like it."
--Pigeon-looking motherfucker

"Who the hell is Austin?"
--Austins clueless father.

"Awesome profile writer, 10/10 would read again."
--You, obviously.
What I’m doing with my life
Trying to become rich through either alchemy or demon worshiping. So far it's not really working.

I'm also a finance student at UCF. It's pretty cool.
I’m really good at
Everything. Except for writing dating website profiles.

Just kidding, I'm a pro at it.

The first things people usually notice about me
Someone once told me I look like the love child of David Tennant and John Cusack. It really brightened my day.

Someone else once told me I look like a pizza he dropped down a flight of stairs once. I still don't know how to feel about that.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm a huge science-fiction man when it comes to reading. The amount of hours I've spent reading fan made horror stories and mystery novels online instead of studying is just impressive.

Netflix has my back for almost everything Movie and Show related these days. I'm a pretty big movie junkie, my family used to collect Dvd's when I was little so I've got a pretty big library built up. If you've got an awesome movie that I must watch, please tell me about it.

I'm a sucker for Steak and Sushi, those are like my two weaknesses. That and Chinese food.
Six things I could never do without
-Man's life magazines, it's where I learn my basic man skills.
-Theme songs for the boring and exciting parts of my days.
-Two extra arms.
-The pile of clothes that are making my room look terrible
-This Website, obviously
-My humor
I spend a lot of time thinking about
If my life was a television series, I wonder what the commercials for it would be like. There's so much potential.
On a typical Friday night I am
Eating a ton of food and regretting it with my friends, and then going back to eating more food. It's a vicious cycle.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I buy scented candles on a regular basis.

That's not even something private. I just want you people to know I like candles.

Fresh Ocean flowers is the shit.
You should message me if
You want to stay up all night watching Netflix and eating junk food with me. Seriously, this stuff's the bomb.

Or if you think I'm the adorable man model I tell myself I am.
The two of us