*2nd Update: I'm not going to devote my bank holiday to rewriting all this. It's nice out. And at least now I don't have to rewrite the bit about procrastination.
You're late.... Lucky I'm the caring sharing forgiving doormat type. So you can just owe me one.
And while we're on the subject.... Drum roll..... Ta-da! Me - fun, interesting, sexy, Waaaayy too modest for my own good, intelligent, charming, sophisticated, wise, soulful, funny and cuter than a bouquet of multi-coloured kittens. But you already knew that.
Did I mention I was modest?
Anyway, I love my virtues and my vices in equal measure and I enjoy meeting people who are fun, creative and able to have a conversation for more than just a few seconds without breaking into a sweat.
And seeing as most of the attractive women I know are as interesting as watching paint dry, I decided to give this online dating thing a go as a last resort.
So if you're stunning, with looks to match and have lots of similar friends in case it doesn't work out, then that's a good start.
Oh yes and I'm not funny. So no laughing... I don't want so much as a giggle out of you for the duration of this profile.
And I should probably mention that I'm quite down to earth. Not that I believe it myself after reading any of this back.
So right now I'm a casual martial arts coach and small time bar wizard. Which is a start but I'm beginning to dream of much bigger fish... As a result I'm constantly on the lookout for more interesting people to connect with and broaden my horizons and fire my creative side. Come to me my gurus! Teach me your secret sauce recipes!
Also learning bass to pass the time. Though it's going a little slower than I'd like. So naturally I'm thinking of getting a guitar.
... Go on...
That's not going to work now I think about it. Sigh.
Other talents include dancing, flying kicks, helping old ladies cross the road and knowing when it's an appropriate occasion for each. In addition I'm an international kazoo virtuoso...
I'm ok at creative writing and not taking things too seriously too but you were already beginning to suspect that. Oh look I can read minds!
And let's not forget procrastination. I'll tell you about that some other time.
See? Not rocket science is it?
(If you looked and still can't tell I recommend an eye test. Sharpish.)
And no you can't touch it. You haven't even introduced yourself yet.
Actually it would be a relief if for once someone shamelessly objectified anything else about me.
True story time (I hope you're sitting comfortably)
Someone told me they really liked my eyes and I was forced to give up my hatred of cliche on the spot. It's still my third favorite compliment of all time four years later.
If something is created with exquisite care, burns and throbs with raging passion, is full of runaway imagination and lovingly imparts the deep, deep wisdom of the ages... I will put it on a fresh buttered bagel and eat it without a moments pause.
Note that truly classic works of art should be eaten with careful attention to comic timing... And a mug of hot chocolate.
Hells bells that only leaves 1.
Sushi or chocolate milk?... Sushi or chocolate milk?... Sushi or chocolate milk?...
Blast you Question writer!!!....
Oh no I forgot about cake!
I give up.
It's just a temporary thing until I get my super hero license and get to start fighting crime.
Either way I'll be working unsociable hours.
But you'll have to earn my trust to get the good stuff. And no, looking at my profile and asking doesn't quite cut it.
Just be honest, elegant, independent, artistic, savvy, coy, reckless, magic, talented, confident, stylish, deep, playful, hilarious, passionate, spiritual, outrageous, powerful, flirty, adventurous, curious, vibrant, enthusiastic and inspirational as well as filthy rich and, for preference, freakishly ticklish.
Come on Kitten. I know you can do it...
I believe in fairies!!!!!.....
But seriously, If you've got a few of those then I bet we'd get along just fine. You don't need a PHD just the spark of a mind that can figure out how to tie it's own shoe laces and remember where the keys are in the same morning.
If you think you can teach me something fascinating or show me things that would move me to applause by all means tell me... If you think you can handle saying "Hi" of course...
Let's see if you're brave enough for that to start with...