43Manhattan, United States
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My self-summary
"We are a generation of men raised by women. I'm wondering if another woman is really the answer we need."--Tyler Durden

I put the Man in Manhattan.

I am also the reason why Madonna had to abruptly end her "Like A Virgin" tour and to forgo wearing white at all of her weddings. And yes, that claim pre-dates her marriage to Sean Penn.

If you are too young to know about Madonna's Virgin tour or marriage to Sean Penn (hey, I'll date young but not dumb) then just know that Christine Agueliera had no clue about how to hit a C over a high E until she met the bedroom. But that's another story. And if you are so young that you only know who Lady Gaga is (and/or don't have a clue about how to relax your gag reflexes) then lose my email because I don't date THAT young.

To reiterate, I am just 100% pure unadulterated man who is a shrewd lewd dude who enjoys a bit of the crude but without being rude. I am here to meet a woman who can keep up with the nude.

(If you know anything about chess that was a Benoni opening)
What I’m doing with my life
I have taken to prayer. Every day, I pray that Belladonna, the porn star, will divorce her husband. Yup, she is married and we are all single. As the Jewish grandmother I never had used to say "Oy Vehhhhh!"

I'm also trying to follow my two New Year's resolutions which are 1) to stop being so goddamn handsome and 2) to be a lot more modest. I'll let you be the judge of how I am progressing with those goals. If you say I'm handsome and also a handful, then you probably get my vibe.
I’m really good at
Pleasing the right woman. For instance, I'm very good at being on top...of the news.

I LOVE to get down and dirty...when I vaccum under my couch.

I'm very good at getting a woman hot...after turning up the heat in my apartment.

I also enjoy being chivalrous, helping old ladies across the street and taking gaggles of ladies to the latest greatest restaurants. Finally, on the rarest of rare occasions, I'm also "ok" with being sarcastic.
The first things people usually notice about me
is I'm actually a lot more serious about life, love and dating than most people expect me to be...once they sign a pre-nup.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Favorite book: Women are from Venus, Men are from Uranus
Favorite movie: The Sisterhood of Traveling Pantyhose
Favorite Magazine: Cooking Light in a Meth Labb
Favorite show: Annie Sprinkle Live
Favorite music: 70s porno music, duh (is this a real question?)
Favorite food: chocolate, oysters, Spanish Fly and other aphrodisiacs
Six things I could never do without
I can actually do without a lot of material items. What I refuse to do without is settle on a life partner who cant laugh at life's's absurbities and to be moved by it's grace. If you aren't honest with your own true carnal desires then I wish you luck reading Emily Dickinson.

On that note, what I could never do with is/are:

1) selfish people who think compassion is spelled with a u and is a compound word.
2) marrying for the sole reason of having kids
3) an understanding of love that is static
4) people who fail to see point 1 plus point 2 leads to point 3
5) a lover who thinks swallow is just a bird and deepthroat is just a character in All the President's Men
6) people who don't understand comedy is nature's way of making the uncomfortable comfortable
I spend a lot of time thinking about
That legumes are sexy because:
Legume= me+u+leg

Remembering to check myself before I wreck myself.

The irony of being a prisoner in New Hampshire and making license plates with the state motto of "Live free or die."

That the most unattractive word to hear is "no". That word defeats the attempt for an open and honest connection.
On a typical Friday night I am
trying to imbibe a three letter word that starts with an "a" and in crossword puzzle cirlces is referred to as "beer's cousin".

The answer is "ale".
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
In my heart lies an optimist, in my tax returns lies a minimalist.

Anyone who serves a Ceasar salad followed by a vol-au-vent doesn't have a clue to what they are doing in the kitchen.
You should message me if
You have a life story you want to share with me. I am absolutely fascinated by how we all got here and how Belladonna was raised a Mormon.

You believe from small acorns grow mighty oaks (hey, I need to grow it in order to show it), you aspire to be the Kielbasa Queen, you got past your initial reaction that I'm the south end of a horse facing north and you kept reading and/or you realized that my profile is better than the last guy's . (BTW, I know that dude and while I have nothing against him personally, rumor has it he has crabs. Of course, you didn't hear it from me so don't hate the player just hate the game.)

Quite honestly, I would rather just walk up to someone, drop a humor bomb, and introduce myself but I suspect this internet dating thing is bigger than I realize.
The two of us