Moderately-to-highly charismatic and/or debonair.
Occasionally...contradictory. A little.
Can name all six Constructicons without the aid of a search engine.
Enjoy typing phonetically sometimes. Nahm sayin'?
As a general rule, I value personality and intellect leaps and bounds more than looks or wealth. But, uh, if you're a MENSA member with a massive unibrow, a severe under-bite, five extra nipples, and twenty-one toes, well...please photoshop yourself before you send me naked pictures.
I <3 objectivity, but with a healthy smattering of nonsensicality and irreverence.
I'll be honest; by-and-large, I'm pretty hilarious, but you need to be prepared for some duds. They can't all be winners, folks.
I'm totally cool with doing the dishes and the laundry, but I call "not-it!" on vacuuming. Screw that noise.
For the record, I'm from the "nothing is sacred" school of thought on what can or can't be mocked; there's a time and a place, but I put nothing on a pedestal. Levity trumps all.
I'm all about cloudy days and cloudless nights.
Oh, and I'm pretty pro at writing long-winded self-summaries.
Also, furiously Netflixing and trying to stay religious about hitting the beach up once a week.
One of those was phoney, btw.
George R. R. Martin's "A Game of Thrones," the "Ender's" series by Orson Scott Card, Frank Herbert's "Dune," Neil Gaiman's "Sandman" series (graphic novels, sure, but highly original and thought-provoking), 2001: A Space Oddyssey, or anything Forgotten Realms. Did I mention that I'm a nerd?
K-Pax (probably my all-time favorite non-animated movie), Big Fish, The Prestige, The Dark Knight, Willow, Braveheart, Good Will Hunting, Star Trek: First Contact, American History X, Conan the Barbarian, Office Space, Waiting..., American Beauty, Coneheads, Man on Fire, Gladiator, Serenity, Unbreakable, Die Hard, Blade (only the first one), The Fountain, Children of Men, Sin City, Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Transformers: The Movie (the 80's cartoon, not that abomination that Michael Bay concocted), Cast Away, The Time Machine, What's Eating Gilbert Grape, Terminator, Surrogates, Contact, Rocky I-IV, The 40-Year-Old Virgin, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Law Abiding Citizen, The Punisher, The Karate Kid, Team America: World Police, The Incredibles, 300, Signs, The Last Samurai, Two-thirds of the Matrix trilogy, the LotR trilogy (with extended editions that take a whole day of your life to watch, woo!), Tron: Legacy, Ironclad, Stake Land, contemporary Marvel flicks.
Documentaries, especially anything based on the universe or existentialism (a few favorites are The Atheism Tapes, Carl Sagan's Cosmos, Ancient Aliens, TED Talks, Kevorkian, Indie Game: The Movie, and the History Channel's Universe), Art 21, House, Spartacus, Dexter, Battlestar Galactica, HBO's Rome, Burn Notice, Arrested Development (if the following text makes you smile and/or laugh, consider yourself high-fived: CoocookaCHAH! CoocookaCHAH!) Star Treks TNG and Voyager, The Transformers, Firefly, Iron Chef, Chopped, My Strange Addiction (a guilty pleasure), The Walking Dead, House of Cards.
Tool, Robin Trower, Queens of the Stone Age, Big Country, Foo Fighters (their older stuff, at least...), A Perfect Circle, Soundgarden, Motorhead, Radiohead (how different two "head" bands can be :P ), Def Leppard, Isis, Rush, Daft Punk, Bonobo, Alice In Chains, Smashing Pumpkins, ZZ Top, N-Sync (Kidding! just making sure you're paying attention. Wait, don't go...please?).
Goldfish crackers (especially parmesan!), watermelon, yogurt, bread/starches in general, tomatoes, thin-crust pizza, lemony things, peanut butter.
My cooking ability (though, perhaps not acumen) is at least serviceable, provided I have explicit instructions to work with, or I'm just the sous chef.
And I'm going to add another category...
Video Games (Chicks dig verbose listings of video games, right? Right?):
The Baldur's Gate series, Fallout 1&2, Unreal Tournament, Arcanum, Deus Ex, L4D2, Diablo II, Might & Magic VII, Half-Life 1&2, Doom 3, Sega's "Shinobi" series, Xenogears, Final Fantasy Tactics, Distant Worlds, WoW (I'm quite thoroughly retired), Castlevania: SotN, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, Titan Quest, Space Harrier, R-Type, Sonic the Hedgehog 2&3, FTL, Mount and Blade: Warband, Dead Space, Marvel Heroes, State of Decay, Morrowind, Skyrim.
Internet banner ads
Carnies. Circus-folk; small hands
Is my cowlick acting up? Man, this spiel is getting old.
Nobody is getting my early 1990's references. STOP BEING WEIRD, ME!
I should eat less sugar. Popsicles are so good though. Am I too old to be eating popsicles? Fuggit. 'Murrica.
Oh...MESSAGE, not massage. In that case...
DO message me if:
You share similar interests to the aforementioned.
You have a handle on which parts of my profile are facetious.
You look upon highly-religious people with a certain degree of pity.
You have a sense of good-natured sarcasm.
You sing anything, ever. Even poorly.
You're comfortable being the "mathy" one in a relationship.
You enjoy not-particularly-heated discussions on philosophy.
You saw any of my profile pictures and thought "hey, he's almost sorta vaguely studly-ish."
You enjoy (or can tolerate) bad puns.
You. You got what I neeeeeeeeed.
You appreciate art at all. Bonus points if you make it in some capacity.
You like lists.
You play video games. Bonus points if you think you can beat me.
You like, and use, semicolons. Lets be honest, here; they're great.
You laugh often.
You're confident that we'd get on well.
You have something more flavorful than "Hi how r u" to say.
You enjoy any of the following links:
You want to inform me that one of those links is broken.
DON'T message me if:
You think "My Name Is Earl" is funny.
You look and sound like John Madden.
You're known for your temper.
You want me to hold your purse.
You aren't a nerd of some variety or flavour.
You have a perpetual "whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis" scowl on your face.
You are completely irrational.
You make hair-dolls.
You don't feel like it.