Northling
35 Toronto, Canada
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Northling
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My self-summary
Sometimes dating over 30 reminds me of second-hand shopping. Nothing is brand new, and you wouldn't want it if it was. Some are well worn. Others are worn out. No two items are the same. Some of it fits but isn't your style. Others are beautiful but just doesn't feel right. Even with all the selection, you are only looking for the best. When you find it you've got to try to grab it before it's gone.

Sound familiar?

This is how I'm worn: I used to value sharp thinking alone, but these days I put a higher value on a kind heart.

I've really been enjoying the the idea that "in a wiser, more self-aware society than our own, a standard question on any early dinner date would be: “And how are you crazy?”

Me? I really enjoy attachment theory, so I'll put this out there: I'm an avoidant turned anxious turned (on good days) a well-earned secure-ish attacher. I've struggled a lot with intimate relationships, and I put a high value on loving well. I try to be a decent human being. I get that being human is tough work some days and do my best to appreciate everyone else is doing the same.

My style beyond that? I'm a bit loud: a big silly moustache, boldly coloured patterns, round glasses. I tend to be in more of the Ruth Bader Ginsburg thinking of social justice (works when your on the undeserving-beneficiary side of the line talking with other straight-appearing white guys), but I'm opening to learning more. While some of the things I want are pretty traditional (a life partner, kids, a satisfying career), but I'm less and less convinced that the usual way to do that is the best for me.
What I’m doing with my life
For love: spending quality time with people I love, making art, dancing, living.

Money: Freelance video editing and production and pro circus performance.

The cross-over: I'm training to become a psychotherapist. It's one of the most challenging and rewarding things I've ever done.

I'm super nerdy on some levels, though more in a "turn me on with hot cultural theory" than the "let me tell you about Star Wars" variety. I am curious about so many things.

I make art that is all about emotional connection. I love designing furniture, though I'm still working on my fine carpentry skills. I'm trying to learn Illustrator, but have been distracted by the actual need to learn a new video editing program.
I’m really good at
Riding my bike, debating without arguing, dreaming up big ambitious projects and finding myself in the midst of another big learning curve.
The first things people usually notice about me
My eyes because they are active and blue.

I try to speak to my emotional world in a way that is direct, honest and responsible. If that makes you happy, all the better. If that makes you squirm, you could probably stop reading now.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Podcasts: Song Exploder, The Memory Palace, On the Media, This American Life, Radiolab, Spark on CBC, 99 Per-Cent Invisible, On Being.

Books: Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown, most everything by Kurt Vonnegut, Randal Munroe's "What If" and more. If you haven't read Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie, find someone to read it out loud with. It's kind of magical :)

Newspapers and Magazine: The New York Times, The Economist, The Atlantic, The New Yorker. I read far too much about the US election. Recommendations about what else to read would be welcome.

Music: Plenty, though these days I can't stop listening to tUnEyArDs.
The six things I could never do without
projects!
close friends
coffee
my bicycle
white boards filled with ideas and designs
curiosity
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What life is going to look like for us humans in the next 100 years. What life is going to look like for me in the next two.

Thinking about how the nuclear family isn't serving my best friends (parents with young kids) and thinking about alternative models of living and child rearing.
On a typical Friday night I am
Dancing, at a house party, checking out some indie theatre, or working :P
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I've been exploring my kinky side lately and I don't think I'll be going back to vanilla sex anytime soon. Worth a conversation if you're curious and open-minded, or if you've had your own ideas that you have or still want to explore.

I'd consider this link and also this link good stepping off points to talk about sex.
You should message me if
If you have a sharp mind, a kind heart and are always learning.

If you've made it this far and you think I'm the kind of person you'd like and you're the kind of person I'd like.

Beyond that -- I find it hard to tell chemistry without meeting. Let's find something fun to do in the city. Show me a favourite something in the city?
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