31Wrocław, Poland
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My self-summary
I have recently been told I am excellent at coming up with responses for horribly awkward okcupid messages. Unfortunately, this does not prevent me from sending out my own horribly awkward messages. But if you can get past my messages I can help you write some of the world's greatest responses.

American living and working in Wroclaw. I have brought many many flags, but no guns or hamburgers. I'm not really the best American, but close enough!

I've significantly revamped my profile, so it's no longer the entirely stream of consciousness it always was. I'm not really sure how much is accurate at any given moment but, you know, we'll figure it out.

I'm dashingly dashing. At least when I've got my inhaler. If not, then I'm....walkingly walking? That joke doesn't really lend itself to a whole lot. Unfortunate. Anyway, I have a name, I have pictures, I have all the requisite body parts (I think). So here's my OkCupid Profile!

I've read OKCupid's awesome blog ( and have learned a few things about how to attract ladies. I'll never tell you that you're sexy, beautiful, hot, or a cutie. I will, however, mention how fascinating and awesome you are. I'll possibly throw in the fact that you're cool and mention how nice something is. I'll always ask you how it's going and never say "hi" or "hey". Apparently trying to chat more efficiently is no bueno, so no chat programs for us! I'm also strongly in favor of vegetarian metal bands with a fan base of tattooed zombies who really dig the physics of video games based on literature they read in grad school.... Favorite movies. I couldn't work that into my sentence and maintain its awesome flow. Sorry. I also noticed that you have good taste and I was curious what your name was because you didn't mention it! I'm sorry, and I apologize for being just so so awkward I mean, I'm probably just kinda a little unsure what to say. Finally, I will never tell you I'm God, though I may say I'm Zeus.

There! I believe I have successfully done everything OKCupid told me to to get a date!

I am good-smelling, extremely non-stinky, and pretty sweet.

I'm also very impressed by any woman on this site who sticks with it. From what I've heard from my female friends who are on here you get a ridiculous amount of messages on a daily basis. When I see more than about 4 in my inbox I'm just like, "Errrrrrrrgh, I don't want to read and respond to all of those!" So when you have 50-100 and you still read and respond to some. That's motivation! :P
What I’m doing with my life
Uh..... Petting it? Is my life an object?!

I'm a teacher. I wander around doing my best to make smaller people smarter and more empathetic. I have some side projects I've had on the back burner for a while, but uhhhh haven't really been making solid progress on those. I'm hoping to once I get all my ducks in a row though.

Anyway, I've been country hopping and teaching. Possibly using it all as a cover for my drug deals, but shhhh don't tell!
I’m really good at
Eating. Eating fast. Smelling good. Wearing clothes. Writing. Short. Sentences. I'm also good at tactlessness. It's hawkward.
The first things people usually notice about me
........Am I a mind-reader?! Whatever they happen to notice first!

(although I really hope it's how good I smell)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
But there're so many! Uh.....

Douglas Adams, Terry Pratchett, Dumas, Eddings, Robert Jordan, Asimov, Non-fiction, I'm sure there're some pretentious authors I like to read, but we'll just assume I'm pretentious for reading and leave it at that! Basically I like decent fantasy, good sci-fi, good historical fiction (the bar is pretty high on that one though), and books that teach me things. It can be anything from science to history to cooking, to political ideology. I'd be more down with philosophy if the people who wrote [about] it didn't use big words to make themselves feel good so often.

Comedy. Action. I'm a boy! I'll enjoy a drama or a romantic comedy if forced to sit in front of it, but I'll never optionally watch them on my own.

Food: Meat. Carbohydrates. Candy. Sugar. More candy more sugar. Chocolate is an addiction. Really, if you know a 7 year old, I'm on that diet.

My musical taste varies a lot and I like just about anything. NOT everything! Just ALMOST everything!
Six things I could never do without
It's come to my attention that a lot of people think the basics of life are a snarky cop out to this section... So?! I'm a snarky sort of fellow!

I like talking.
I like delicious treats of sweet heaven. Cinnabon makes those. So does Starbucks. I also like..... Doing active stuff. I get bouncy and bored if I'm not active in some serious way at least once a day. My life has been seriously lacking in racquetball since college though, which makes me Die a little every day *single tear*
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Life, the universe and everything. Because I'm terribly deep and will impress you with my frontal lobe. Yea, you like that? Mmmmmm frontal lobe!

I think about everyday stuff! You know like.... "Oo I should go grocery shopping tonight." Or "Hellooooooo delicious treat, get in my mouth!" or even "Do I dare risk this Indian food? It's so delicious butt.... The consequences tomorrow..."

My friend told me she thought the "butt" was a typo. I would like to point out it's a very clever play on words and the effects of Indian food!
On a typical Friday night I am
In or out. It depends on what other peoples are doing.

Sometimes I also work on trying to build a death ray to enslave humanity... But only sometimes.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
That I've got privates. Yup. Privates.

Also, I'll probably judge you if your profile says something along the lines of "I'm not admitting that on the internet." Or "There's a reason it's considered PRIVATE!" or something else equally lame. "Willing to admit" doesn't mean you tell me how many people you've boned, but whatever you're willing to admit at whatever level you're comfortable with! If you're not willing to admit anything then why're you filling out a profile in the first place?! It's full of admittances! Like mine admitting I smell and look and am amazing!
You should message me if
You're as awesome as I clearly am. I demand nothing but awesomeness from those around me... Unless I am eating or sleeping. Then you may be less awesome.

Ah! I am fine with girls looking for casual sex, you know, as long as you are awesome. I didn't include that above because I'm not actively seeking it. I'm not averse to it, but I'm not looking for it. I also didn't include it, because girls tend to hide it under "short-term dating" while disliking men who include casual sex. I'm not judging those women, do what you want, but that's a definite trend I've noticed.

I used to have a thing here about pants, and then I expanded my mind to accept all sorts of other types of clothing. So if you happen to wear non-pants clothes you may message me as well. I am cured of my clothingism!
The two of us