You don't do meth (ridiculous I even have to put this here)
You have at least ONE picture that isn't a selfie. "I'm always the one taking the pictures" isn't a viable excuse, either.
You don't have any tattoos on your boobs
You don't own a chihuahua
Airline elite status turns you on
You don't shave your eyebrows then pencil fake ones in
You show your teeth when you smile
You don't use the line "I'm just as comfortable in jeans and flip flops as I am in an evening gown" or any variation thereof. Seriously? Name one person who's only comfortable in an evening gown.
You think a trip to Alaska in the winter would be amazing