I figured I would put this up top for those of you have have messaged me or even gave me your number yet I stopped responding. Feel free to hit me up again, I just don't do good with pen paling and often stop responding. So, let's get drinks.
If you want to e-stalk me, this is the easiest way.
Feel free to follow, my photos are awesome.
Portland_Mofo on Instagram.
I moved to Portland from Oakland, CA where I was born and raised. UPGRADE! I currently live in Inner SE Portland near Ladd's Addition.
I don't get how we're supposed to explain ourselves on some janky profile? But here is my attempt at the ultimate shallowness provided by this place.
I'm tall, 6'5, I like blah blah blah, whoompty whomp wooo and dislike who cares and unimportant stuff.
I love this and that and am so amazing.
I will rock your world.
Ok really, second attempt.....
I love life, I am happy, I have fun.
I'm retired, I quit working February 2014 and life is grand.
Exploring would be my number one goal right now.
I used to work with computers and am a logical thinker.
I love to eat and burritos would be my favorite food.
So far I haven't found any favorite burritos here in Portland.
In a person the obvious mandates do apply. You must be honest, open, real, intelligent, thoughtful, humorous, fun, adventurous and well balanced. I also love critical thinkers, and thought challengers.
Being yourself should be effortless. I do not like try-hards and can see through your fake shell.
I left "Drugs" blank because I smoke weed and don't want to say yes and make it seem like I am a crackhead or something.
As you can see from my photos my hair grows fast. So length and beard or non beard can change drastically any month.
I may even let you decide if I should grow it, buzz it, ignore it, whatever. Cause honestly I don't care. I'm far from "metrosexual" or "lumbersexual" or whatever the kids are doing these days.
I date all my photos though so you know what I look like at any given time. Also, Instagram is current.
I finally took the Myers–Briggs test because soooo many of you have and it said I was a WTF.
Before we go on, I must say that in person people have said "you're a lot more chill than I expected" or "you're way more mellow than I thought". They have said this in a positive way, not like disappointment.
I am a chill mellow person and I don't know what about my profile screams over hyper crazy person. Yes, I am still a very funny person but I am grounded, earthly, mellow, positive, and radiate calming waves. Or some hippie shit.
But I'm also a ghetto born and raised Oakland who-rider that will hop a fence at night, drink in public, piss wherever, run from the cops when need be, rap battle under the moon in the park at 4am, get low on the dance floor, etc. Don't be scured, you'll love me.
Building up my websites to the point where they make enough money so that I may just travel the world forever. Pretty much there. Waiting on you though.
I would like to meet someone else with enough time and money to travel or at least someone working on their own thing / goals to get there. Working with someone towards something is more inspiring.
I'm self taught. I went to Youtube University and Torrent State. With everything I learned, I found a way to make the internet pay me while I sleep. Retired life.
★ Being logical.
★ Making people laugh.
★ Putting the toilet seat down.
★ Keeping it real.
★ Being open minded.
★ Seeing your point of view.
★ Teaching others.
Why is there no....?
I'm really bad at
☢ Filling out online profiles
☢ Emailing people online
☢ Having fun at a really loud crowded place where I can't hear myself talk
☢ Breaking the ice
☢ Not drinking coffee(can now skip days)
☢ Going to bed early(getting better at this)
That's what she said on the first date
"Wow you're tall!"
"Haha you're funny."
"I'll buy the next round!"
"Let's blow this popsicle stand, follow me."
Books: Anything I can learn from. I read books that give me the skillz. Such as learning to code, web design, Photoshop, etc.
Also lots of news(daily), science, tech, health, current events, etc.
Or whatever, 1984, Brave New World, Dragonlance Chronicles, Dune, etc. I guess I'm a nerd?
Movies: Documentaries, trippy movies, comedies, stuff.
I happen to like many good movies.
I have Netflix, Amazon Prime, HBO Go, and Hulu Plus all attached to my Xbox streaming on my 50" HDTV. No Comcast needed.
TV Shows: It's just TV why do we list this stuff as if it defines us? I feel like I'm required to list all of these shows that I and pretty much anyone with a sense of humor finds funny just so that you know I am worthy of a date. So I won't.
But I will say I'd watch something like Cosmos over Always Sunny any day.
Music: Allll kinds from hip hop to electronic, rock to pop, jazz to funk and back to whatever. I'm really open. Share something with me. Take me to see the thing at that place or whatever. I am new here.
I know and listen to mainly hip hop and electronic forms at home as it is what I was raised on. My mp3 collection will make you happy.
If I could share just one song with you right now in this moment, I'd love to make your day with this.
Food: Yes, I love food, who doesn't? Burritos would be my favorite. And cheese. I also love the spicy. And garlic. So good.
I just realized my monthly hot sauce spending is getting out of control. Sometimes it surpasses my phone bill(It's only $45 a month).
✚ Beer or Dr. Rumpers (Dr. Pepper & Bacardi Rum).
✚ Sunshine. ☼
Just as important: exploring, affection, drive, smiles, music, cuddles, hugs, bike, friends, parks, my camera, creativity, adventures and the unknown.
✔ What am I gonna eat next?
✔ Where's the beef?
✔ Is there a heaven for a gangster?
✔ Can ninjas sneak up on each other?
✔ Does anyone read this?
Q: If train A leaves PDX at 6:05pm traveling at 65mph, at what point do they start serving drinks?
A: Doesn't matter because I brought my own!
Also the universe, endless possibilities, "conspiracy theories", where we came from, the control grid, possibilities, social brainwashing, new technology, societies degrade, the government, science, solar weather, earths climate, volcanic and seismic patterns and so on.
On a never ending quest to know everything.
But I guess I should start climbing mountains and spelunking in caves so I can have pictures of me alone in the wilderness like everyone else on here. WORK HARD PLAY HARD! RIGHT?
Really though, lately I just stay in because I don't know anyone in Portland and I have a big ass TV at the foot of my bed and all of the things to be comfy while I work on my websites. Goals.
Netflix and by myself.
Netflix and nap.
Dank and ice cream.
I like this idea. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryC6jC69pbs
★ I like Lady Gaga....... (and sing in the shower).
★ I got Afroman high (true story, he even messed up on stage and blamed me).
★ I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom (Ok, maybe it was a Safeway).
★ Sometimes I think I am a terrible person (then I remember that one time I gave a bum a dollar).
★ My sister met her husband on here(will I meet the misses?).
★ I'm an undercover nerd (as if you haven't figured it out).
★ I'm from Oakland so I am ghetto washed (but refined, I just happened to grow up in the hood).
★ If you give me your number the chances of me saving it in my phone are 0% (maybe after our 2nd or 3rd date, maybe)
★ Chance of me emailing you first are like 2% (so you should probably say hi).
★ I like big butts and I cannot lie (I like little butts too).
★ I'm above average (I hope you can handle it).
★ I realize that one was too much info (but sexual compatibility is important).
I want to see why we hate each other(other than the fact that a site insists it's true).
Maybe we can even declare war on each other! I'll steal all your oil and force my religious beliefs(or lack of) on you! It'll be amazing(and all in the name of Democracy).
✔ You like documentaries, information, learning, etc(you're curious)
✔ You have substance and can hold conversation
✔ You're down to grab some beer and just go on a walk
✔ You like riding your bike
✔ You're a Cylon
✔ You have a sense of humor
✔ You think you're my type.
✔ You think I'm your type.
✔ OKC told you to.
✔ You're a Taurus too. Pretty sure some universal law means we'll have a strong physical bond. Seems to be the case with me.
✔ You CAN handle the truth.
✔ You're tired of this emailing back and forth shit and just want to go get drinks.
You don't play games. I'm not going to "chase you" or whatever. I will simply walk away.
If you're trying to kick it, be forward. Let me know what you want out of our *ship. Maybe we're meant to just be friends who like the sex or maybe we want to pursue more. But let's be clear and communicate. Act like an adult.
Just an observation, I'm not saying don't message me if you're any of these, just an observation being new here and all.
Signs You Might Be A Typical Oregon Girl
You're holding a fish
You're shooting a gun
Your name ends in 'saurus
You have Oregon in your name as if we forgot where we were
Or PDX or Portland. Where are we again?
You're standing on Canon Beach in your main photo
You have more photos of your dog than you on your profile
You have something on your face pierced
Ducks Blazers Seahawks Timbers blah blah blah
Also TONS of Megan's(followed by Jen). Or only Megan's put their name on OKC?
<<Reasons NOT to message me:>>
☢ You're an evil Cylon
☢ You're a flake
☢ You lie
☢You didn't read my profile
☢ You did read it and don't get my humor
☢ You're just trying to get a guy to buy you dinner, so not gonna happen(obviously I'm not the kind of guy to fall for such things. Go try BroAsaurusRexPDX)
☢ You're looking for penpals
☢ You're gonna send me some generic ass copy paste you sent the last 5 guys(I'm not saying be all funny and lengthy, just not mass email)
But really I'm not one for emailing random strangers. I have a few on my favorites and I may someday, but don't count on it. Otherwise feel free to say Hello.
Also note, I am not "hot". I'm just a tall dark and handsome guy. You see my photos, they are accurate.
If you're looking to go on a date with some kind of model, don't even bother trying me as neither of us need our time wasted.
What I am is funny, caring, witty, amazing in bed, considerate, intelligent, logical, calm, nice, interesting and some other shit.
And what I've realized is I don't even really care for "dating" anymore so it may take some convincing to get me to go out with you. Just being real. Sorry not sorry.