56Menlo Park, United States
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My self-summary
Status Update: Due to my change in relationship status, I am currently only chatting with women or getting involved with them in platonic relationships. They say you can never have too many friends...

This part sucks, as we all know. In general, I believe less is more. So I will use this section to describe the traits in a woman that I am seeking. There are only four!
1. Intelligence - You don't have to be a MENSA member but an above average intelligence is greatly appreciated. If you don't know how intelligent you are, I may not be the perfect fit for you.
2. Humor - This is one of my coping mechanisms (wine and gin are my other two) and a woman that has a well developed sense of humor is very important. If you honestly enjoy my humor you can have your way with me (actually, even if you pretend to enjoy it)
3. You enjoy kinky sex. The kinkier the better. Bonus points if you can actually shock me.
4. Chemistry - And this is not a euphemism for looking like a 25 year old supermodel. I am attracted to women of various ethnicities, different body shapes, hair styles, etc. You get the point. I have no specific type. So if the first three traits describe you feel free to contact me.
What I’m doing with my life
Working, eating, sleeping, and unproductive dating on internet sites. My current marital status could be partly to blame for the unproductive dating.
I’m really good at
Expressing myself in the most succinct manner possible, especially when filling out internet dating profiles.
The first things people usually notice about me
My sense of humor (after the stunning good looks of course...)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Authors David Sedaris and David Rackoff, almost any movie if it was intelligently made (Memento and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind would make the cut), any music if it isn't Country, any food
Six things I could never do without
Coffee, oxygen, sex, water, food, sleep (order is not prioritized)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I don't really have a lot of time to dwell on any single subject. Get back to me on this after I retire.

There are a few things I wonder about transiently.

Like why the drive-through ATM machines have Braille on the keys?

And why do so many women on this site insist on stating that they are living in the moment? If you want to live in the past, the future, or merely just hallucinate, it is ok with me. Just don't tell me about the giant bats.

Why so many people have only a basic grasp of the English language. I stole the following bit from a woman on okc and it speaks volumes. Use proper English, please. Grammar, punctuation (Let's eat, grandpa. Let's eat grandpa. Punctuation, it saves lives), capitalisation (I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse. I had to help my uncle jack off a horse. Capitalisation, it saves you from embarrassing moments), spelling and the avoidance of txt spk are appreciated. This is not to say that I expect a perfectly written message. People all make mistakes, including me.

If the women on okc aren't living in the moment or generating badly mangled prose, they are polyamorous....really, can't you just say you like having multiple partners, or that you enjoy dating multiple people at the same time? Do you have to dress it up with "polyamorous" like you are emotionally more evolved than the rest of the primates around you?

It has become obvious that either I filled out my profile incorrectly or answered the questions too vaguely because I have a >90% match with about 50% of the female population of the bay area. And I know I am not that likeable. Are there really hundreds of women that are >90% compatible with me? Unlikely. I feel like I should delete my profile and start over but I am too apathetic. But apparently there are literally hundreds of women that must find my apathy attractive. Or at least compatible. So if you are a terrific woman and you have 89% match with me and wonder why I have never looked at your profile, it is because I gave up at 91%...

Why is it that every time I add something in this area of my profile, I get fewer positive responses and more hostile responses from women? Say, this is starting to feel more like normal dating....maybe my sarcastic side really isn't that appealing...I feel an epiphany coming on...

Ok, this one should not get me into any more trouble. Why is it that fuel gauges in cars still don't work right? Why does the stupid little gauge tell you that you have 1/4 tank of gas left when you really have about two pints of fuel left? How can it be that cars can talk to you now but the fuel gauge on the dashboard is totally worthless?
On a typical Friday night I am
I don't have typical Friday nights. At least I have that going for me!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
The only national and world news information I am exposed to I get from watching John Oliver (used to be the Daily Show but lazy Jon Stewart decided to retire - I bet he is pissed he didn't wait until Trump was elected - the shows would write themselves!). If it doesn't merit being mocked by John I probably don't need to know about it. Some might call this planet apathy. I prefer focused as a better descriptor.

Also, I read all three "50 shades" books and everything described there I have done or had done to me (and frankly a lot more). But the private thing is that I actually read all three books - I have no explanation for that degree of masochism.

Finally, I have a leather boot fetish. Which means you are allowed to wear your boots to bed, assuming we get that far through the okc filtering process. Which also means that SF is my kind of city, based on percentage of women that wear boots.
You should message me if
Your six things you can't do without are the same as mine. Or if you have a sense of humor. Or if you wear leather boots...
The two of us