OneUse
25Paris, France
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OneUse
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My self-summary
On est le 13, j'ai 100 euros pour finir le mois.
Je suis riche.

This ain't gravity, this is life. It's weighting down on me all on its own from the inside of my head. But it's not pushing down, it's simply pushing against where my soul might be if there's such thing, inward and outward at the same time. Or maybe it's the hangover, or the fact I feel like I shat my liver whole earlier in one sitting, but it's not.

Something is there. I picture it as a gnawing darkness. Probably an inevitable cultural association, or maybe it is a gnawing darkness. Over the years, it has been a normal state to live with it. It was there but I forgot it even existed. And then I had brief moments when I got out of it, could look at it from the outside, see it was there. I was astonished to see life under such a different light. To have positive perceptions instead of bittersweet or outright bad ones.

Now it's back in me, or I'm back in it.

No matter, there's happiness to be found in the gnawing darkness.
What I’m doing with my life
There's this statue of a woman, the ancient kind, unmoving but as if imbued of the dynamic nobility of something more than life. She's wearing a bedsheet and making it look like fashion. But it's her face, slightly grinded down by the elements that strike me on this grey afternoon. The nose slightly eroded, the eyes set deep as if drying like old raisins or outright disappearing. Those eyes that may or may not be there are looking at me from above, and I see a skull in this woman's face. The skull is staring at me, I see my death. I stare back while walking past, and shiver a bit.

Then I go to work.
I’m really good at
There's a reason we say mindset, and not mindcast. The mind isn't forever cast, stuck in a single shape, it is forever made and remade. It is set, again and again. To a degree, you can force yourself into setting your mind differently, which may be what all those self-help books are about.

It's hard, it feels artificials, and it doesn't work perfectly.
But it's a start.
On a typical Friday night I am
I go to the train station and I watch people. I walk downtown and I watch people. I don't learn anything new. If someone looks interesting, I follow them a while, never women though. The last person I followed was a very old guy, he looked interesting but then he spent ten minutes staring at foldable knifes in foldable knives magazine. I felt cheated.

I try to understand how we can all exist simultaneously, it seems to me there's altogether too much life happening at once in all those heads, and all of those happening outside my view. I try to understand why we are appart, to distinguish if there's something more between us than what the senses allow.

Then I go home and get drunk.
More
The two of us
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Lifestyle
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Other
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Dating
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Ethics
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Sex
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Religion