Also, can't spell. I do my best, I really do, but if I send you a message and I did a "your" or "there" wrong or I spelled ring "wring," I swear I'm not an idiot. Well, not for that.
I have a 9-5 job that I like and am good at. It's one of those vague things that takes 15 minutes to explain and led to my little sister saying, "wait, so you make puzzles in a basement?" (I don't work with puzzles/basements)
In the past I have: run a cafe, done PR for nonprofits, broken down bookstores, bartended, valeted, bellhopped, been a cowboy, run a greenhouse, managed a Walgreens, gotten fired from a call center which I snuck back into and worked until I got double fired, and been a professional tea server. I don't know how that all happened. Feel free to ask and we'll figure it out.
I spend some time volunteering at the SF Tenant's Union because I care about stuff. I'm looking for someone who also cares about stuff.
Books - Man, I mean, this is what I DO. I don't expect you to have the patience to listen to me listing off everything in my bookshelves. You'd hate it. You're very busy and smart. Still, here are some authors, because that's fun: Oe, Mishima, Abe, McCullers, Yasunari Kawabata, Katherine Dunn, Rushdie, Hemon, Joy Williams, Pynchon, Steve Erickson, George Saunders, Delillo, Ursula K LeGuin, McCarthy, Cheever, Bowles, AM Homes, Margaret Atwood, Hickey, Zizek. I'm also super into Achewood and Scary Go Round. I think my sense of humor is pretty much ButtercupFestival.com.
Movies - I don't really watch movies? But I like Lynch, PT Anderson, documentaries. Bubba Ho-Tep is pretty incredible. So is Brick.
TV - Nothing surprising here. Arrested Development, Twin Peaks, The Wire, Mr. Show, Daily Show, Rick and Morty, Steven Universe, Bob's Burgers. The Venture Bros are awesome. I just finished watching Avatar the Last Airbender, and it was excellent.
Music - I dig Angels of Light, Grimes indie, Dose One, old country music, and then a whole hell of a lot of instrumental shit to write to. I used to write for a music magazine, which was weird.
Food - If it's there, I'll eat it. If it's Thai or Indian I'll eat even more of it. I don't think I've paid for Italian food that wasn't pizza since I tried to impress girls at high school dances.
There are a lot of very grim conversations in my family about what we'd do if the doctor told us we'd have to give up coffee or alcohol and just pick one. We'd have a very hard time. My family's relationship to coffee was pretty much written for Twin Peaks.
Music, my sisters, books. Movement's important. I like rain. Ibuprofen's pretty neat, and so is coffee.
Also, how the hell can I go hiking when none of my friends have cars. Is there a wilderness shuttle or something that no one tells me about? I kind of always want to be hiking.
Politics, gentrification, etc etc.
I had the bottom half of my big toe ripped off by my sister while we were searching for my mom. And a wife murderer bled on my jacket with his broken hands after getting into an accident in the salt flats where he was going to bury his wife. I once ate a microwaved hotdog wrapped in a cold tortilla filled with French's mustard when I was living alone and didn't realize that I'd just acted like I'd gone through a divorce. I can sometimes totally panic if a bee gets too close to me and would think driving into a brick wall might be a good solution, because I am dumb.
Also, have some dealbreakers! You like those, right? 1) I'm an introvert. I'll have an crazy fun time screaming karaoke with your friends, but I sometimes need to just chill solo. 2) Not a fan of babies. I know, they're crazy little animal brains that talk, but I'm not looking to have any. 3) I'm super independent and will often just go do shit by myself. Some people don't like that.
I've gone on enough dates from here to know that profiles and chatting isn't super useful for getting to know someone - you should totally message me if you want to meet up!
Lady, if you like Achewood or Louis CK, we'll be friends at a MINIMUM. We might become Friends+ (no promises. I'm a fragile petunia)
You care about politics or gender or race or in some small way are trying to improve the world.
You're okay with the fact that my beard fluctuates and I don't really get how hair works.
I need more hiking friends and more friends. Even if you don't want make me kiss you beside a waterfall, you should ask me to go on hikes/book talks with you.