I am: geeky, progressive, GGG, introverted, a homebody, a professional moonlighter and generally interstitial person, capable of but not currently very interested in monogamy, very good at nuance and very bad at subtlety. Kind of a dad bod situation.
I get nerdy about: languages and etymology, science, tech, videogames, philosophy/critical theory, intersectionality and progressive social/identity politics, and tea, in no particular order.
I avoid: drinking, smoking, drugs, social situations involving more people than can reasonably participate in a single conversation. I don't particularly object to having friends or partners who do those things, provided that I'm not expected to be involved/present.
I'm attracted to: smarts and wit, passion for and/or talent at something, sense of humor, some flavor of alterity (basically anything that correlates with having had to actively make choices about what kind of person you're going to be). (If fetlife is a thing you do, you can find me there under the same screenname.)
I'm looking for: human connection of almost any kind, whether just physical (in the context of at least liking each other as people) or romantic, whether brief or enduring, whether frequent or infrequent. I'd also love to make more local friends.
My ideal date involves: a meal and a caffeinated beverage and a conversation, and possibly a walk. Everyone's always talking about "adventures," but I'd infinitely rather stay in, watch an episode of TV, and critique it for an hour over tea.
My idea of relationship success looks like: having run out of things that need saying, and that feeling of intimacy and comfort involved in just sitting together, each doing our own thing, enjoying the other's presence.
-- I've been to significantly more countries than I have American states.
-- I've bought tea at what's probably the oldest teahouse in the world.
-- I've been officially enrolled at 17 educational institutions for at least one term each.
-- I'm certified to teach English as a foreign language to adults.
-- I can "read" (that is, turn graphemes into phonemes, though not necessarily with access to the semantics) 7 different character sets/alphabets.
-- I don't know how to fart.
Occasionally I write things. Sometimes they're things like this (essays about progressive stuff and general attempts at increasing wokeness); sometimes they're more like this (poetry).
Adulting with varying degrees of success. In my estimation, there are two primary markers of the beginning of adulthood:
(1) "I don't know how to do the thing" is no longer sufficient reason to not do the thing; and
(2) One's ability to obtain games exceeds one's capacity to consume them.
By these metrics, I'm doing pretty well.
Also, starting up.
Tilting at windmills. Explaining stuff, even when I don't quite understand it myself. Listening to (though, sadly, not performing) music. Being totally OCD about grammar and other languagey things. Adjusting beliefs to account for new evidence.
Also, portmanteaus. Also, bowling. Also, compersion.
That I'm the sort of person who, if you tell me to "Go to the store and buy a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen" won't come home with a dozen gallons of milk, but will come back with thirteen gallons because you didn't say "...instead buy a dozen."
Books: Frank Herbert, Gaiman, Nietzsche, ee cummings, Patrick Rothfuss, the Principia Discordia, Ursula Le Guin. See my Goodreads profile for a more complete list. Latest loves: Nnedi Okorafor (who is great), N.K. Jemisin (who is spectacular), China Miéville (who is weird and erudite). Also, Kameron Hurley is legit.
Movies: The Fountain, Black Swan, Amelie, Six-String Samurai, Spirited Away, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Grave of the Fireflies, Happiness of the Katakuris, Dancer in the Dark.
Shows: Babylon 5, Elementary (but not the douchey BBC Sherlock), Game of Thrones (until I gave up on it because it got too rapey), Orphan Black, Jane the Virgin, Wonderfalls, Firefly, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Boston Legal, Fullmetal Alchemist, the various Stargate shows, Madam Secretary, The Good Wife, BrainDead. Also general anime nonsense.
Music: Tool, The Mars Volta, Dir en grey, Opeth, Tori Amos, Ainjel Emme, Idan Raichel, Alexandrina Hristov, Animals As Leaders, Bjork, Depeche Mode, Diamanda Galas, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Miyavi. My taste is pretty eclectic, but the unifying threads are virtuosity, weirdness, and authenticity.
Food: I can't handle foods of certain consistencies, including eggplant, tofu, and similarly mushy things; beyond that, I'm not terribly picky and generally appreciate food as an art form. I bake a mean poppy-seed cake and make tiramisu from scratch.
3. Grammar and syntax.
4. Thoughts to express by means of numbers and words, arranged in accordance with grammar and syntax so as to give rise to meaning.
5. People to whom to express these thoughts by the aforementioned means, and who in turn will reciprocally express thoughts at me.
6. Taking simple jokes, making them needlessly complicated, and running them into the ground.
Why are most shirts that admit of cufflinks so boring and terrible-looking? I have some dapper fucking cufflinks, and I want to wear them with comparably dapper shirts.
“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast… be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust… and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
I think this image captures my personality to a startling extent.
I'm not very spontaneous -- I'm almost always down to hang out or accompany you to events or in shenanigans, but "Hey, let's go out and _______" isn't a series of words that's ever going to occur to me to say. If you're down to drag me out of the house now and again, and/or help me get some exercise, that'd be fantastic.
You should message me if I sound like a sufferable ass rather than an insufferable one.
Also, message me if you want to go bowling (and you'd like me to come bowling with you). Seriously. I'm a slut for bowling.
Also, you should message me if you clicked "Like" and didn't immediately get a "you like each other" notification -- I can't see who's liked me and who hasn't, so I might miss your interest and then we'll both be sad.
If friendship with (distant) exes is a dealbreaker for you, by the way, I'm not your guy.