60Big Bear City, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
don't get scared by the distance. I've been bicoastal for years and while I currently claim CA, I do spend some time on both coasts and never say never...I've lived about 50% of my life on each coast in various dribs and drabs. These days I'm in CA most of the year. ===I'll be back in DE mid Nov 2015===let's meet up while I'm there for a meal & some good conversation!

Okay, all these words...daunting I know. I'm a long-winded, full-disclosure type. If you like openness and honesty step right up. Read the first section, take a nap, some vitamins and read more if you are interested and have lots of time on your hands! Want to know me? - dive in. I want to know you too! Quickest version: read # 1, 2, 9, 18, 19, 20 - those are the essentials. LOL.
Shortesque version ;) :
1) I'm a talker
2) I'm a romantic as well as a calmly joyful hedonist! :) food, film, fun, funk! Let's dance!
3) I'm an archivist I like to write...journals for decades, lists (like this one), letters, chat...I'm very oral/aural.
4) politics: liberal/humanist but not dogmatic
5) spiritual not religious
6) I flirt and enjoy it. Not about conquests but about connection. Getting to know someone is a huge joy
7) I'm creative like my dad and a thinker like my mom...I am a musician/songwriter/poet/journalist/blogger i.e. I love stories and I love to write
8) I never really danced until I was 48 and now there's not much I'd rather do. I hope my knees hold out!
9) I gather, nurture and cherish my friends. Nothing better than a room full of friends other than a room filled with just one or two of special ones. And luckily since I consider myself bicoastal (my life has been divided almost exactly in half between California and Delaware/Philly area -- though not right in the middle but in a few rotating segments) and I still spend time in both but the best thing is having great friends in both places.
10) I like to eat out, go to concerts, galleries, museums, read.
11) I'm inner not outer
12) love the outdoors but not a sit in the sun for hours guy. Rather be in a pool or hiking or driving along the coast with the top down...perhaps sitting by a stream with a good book or in someone's arms on a blanket under the trees.
13) Not adverse to exploring sexuality in just about any form. I have a short list of nevers. Surprise me and ask for what intrigues you. But in general I'm seeking smart, connective partner not a fly-by-night thing. I've been told I'm passionately GGG...look it up or better yet, let me show you!
14) I hate math. Math and numbers don't like me either. I'm attracted to people who like numbers though. Like having a bonus calculator around for when my eyes glaze over
15) I hate pickles. I mean really hate pickles.
16) I'm a good driver, night owl and a late sleeper
17) you will never get me on a cruise ship. Just sayin'...
18) I love life in all of it's complexity. If there is an option to laugh, i take it.
19) I enjoy all of this camaraderie and I also love being alone in silence, but loneliness doesn't sit well with me. Thus the attraction for friends and family and the social.
20) I was with the same woman monogamously for 25 years and since have enjoyed and been perplexed by the dating scene. I'm a quality not quantity type guy who loves the process of discovering the beauty in life and people. There is nothing better than learning something new from a partner. I'm definitely sapiosexual. Now THAT'S sexy.
21) kinky, not dangerous; loving, not manipulative or smothering; I'm communicative, compassionate, passionate, sensitive, not weak, cold, reclusive, distant and love all of the above in others. Open to suggestion.
22) without thinking it over much I've often found myself attracted to and attracting wonderful bisexual women. I love their energy, honesty confidence and grace. My buddy Eric has officially nicknamed me LesBro.
23) that said, in the past I have had experience in a beautiful lengthy long distance polyamorous relationship. Like any relationship a successful poly relationship is not based on sex but on trust, caring, respect, connection, honesty and fun. I adore strong, independent, intelligent, generally liberal and open-minded partners. Ask anything if this is confusing. If you are interested in this type of openness fine but having been divorced since 2003 I am fully ready for the right monogamous partner at this time in my life. I thoroughly have enjoyed and felt comfortable with either monogamous or polyamorous relationships but don't seem to have a preference. It is all about the partner I am with. Of course, it all depends on finding the right partner for any lifestyle choice. I feel capable, willing and non-judgmental about either type of relationship path. Both are full of positives and their share of difficulties as well but such is life. If this is confusing or you love everything about me but don't understand the poly angle PLEASE ask me anything. I am looking for long-term love and not looking for casual flings in general but I am not pressing for anything defined that doesn't come naturally, everything starts with communication and friendship. I understand finding the right person is not always easy and dating someone who may not be "The One" and becomes a good friend is a wondrous blessing as well.
24) Yes, that was ME! I was an extra in the movie BELOVED. If you can ID where in the film I can be seen, contact me and you win a prize!

Read my Q&A for more details or just ask. I'm curious about you too!
What I’m doing with my life
In reality, my life is my work, my work is not my life. The pay sucks but I can't wait to turn the next page. I've worked most recently as a part-time self-employed publicist in the music biz/guitar teacher/journalist by day and a full-time musician the rest of the time. Still do a bit of all of these when I can. I've also recently edited a book on a career in art. Work in a friend's music store one day a week so I can keep contact with good tunes and good people. I like wearing lots of hats. Never bored. I've had the pleasure of working PR with many great jazz and world music artists as well as Willie Nelson, Derek Trucks, Bruce Hornsby, members of the Stones and many others over the years. I love being surrounded by creative people of all kinds.

I spend a lot of time enjoying life with my friends, both in person and networking with them as well as working on a couple of book and music projects, and generally regrouping on the West Coast after living 7 years bicoastally between CA and DE. I grew up in So. Cal and headed east in 1981 living in the suburbs of Philly and Wilmington until 2004 and again 2006-2011 bicoastally. So I'm back in a mountain home I built in 1980 and working from my laptop, enjoying the fresh air and great weather with frequent trips down to L.A. and beyond for an infusion of the real world.

I've spent a good part of the past six years reacquainting myself with meditation and investigating the spiritual side of our inter-connectivity with each other. Not religious though in an organized way and in fact am somewhat appalled by people who try to force their views down others throats. The #1 human right is the right to one's own opinion.

I have also found that I am attracted to partners who enjoy exploring the boundaries of their sexuality as well as having a yearning for intellectual, social and artistic stimulation. I've been interviewing people for a book on sexual epiphany and how one's life can be changed in a flash. Then again, I'm also still working on a screenplay/story/rock opera that I've been mulling over for decades. I like process. Getting ready to record a couple of albums which I haven't done in about 6 years. Can't wait.

Oh yes, I have recently leaped into juicing, not steroids mind you, but fruits and veggies and loving it. Always loved smoothies but a recent gift of a big-time juicer has rocked my world. Just feel better every day when my day starts with a big glass of fresh squeezed goodies. Okay, so I follow it with a double espresso quite often...didn't say I wasn't flexible...

I'm coming to realize that three things that are currently very important to my well-being are very similar...gardening, playing music with someone and being in love. The first is primarily a solo endeavour, the second doesn't have to be and the third, in this context, cannot be. They all change either slightly or radically from day-to-day, sometimes moment to moment but the building blocks are the same. You learn the tools of the trade, what works and what doesn't in a constant process of discovery and you apply those lessons as they arise. You must nurture both the task at hand, the partner (in gardening the garden itself is your partner), and listen, observe, and care for its needs. You fertilize/inspire/motivate towards fluxuating mutual goals. You water/feed/interact giving time, attention, passion to what the moment needs to best show its own strengths. You bloom together. Hard work, respect, listening, utilizing time, skills and desire for the good of the whole. Wonderful lessons in life.
I’m really good at
...getting to know people. I am a very social person and not at a loss in a group of folks. Part of that is that I love learning new things and find no better way than to experience life being around interesting people. Having a phalanx of good friends is the fastest way to get to know oneself by paying attention to how others see you. The key is being able to take that self-knowledge and use it to see how we are all the things we share and all the ways we are different from one another. Sharing this universe together and embracing it.

Being a musician for most of my adult life, I have a talent for playing with people/bands whether it be onstage, around a campfire or in the studio and knowing how to contribute just what is needed. This translates into real world (offstage) communication as well. I think it's via big picture listening and not needing to be the center of attention. I get enough attention just being a voracious talker. I'm generally a good if opinionated listener.

I'm not afraid to be honest but not dumb enough to be cruel...I don't get lost in new places much...I have a decent memory and good peripheral vision...I can write a song and a poem and generally give pretty good advice when asked...honest but caring.

I can cook when motivated...I guess you can say I'm a natural networker, socially, in my job and as a musician. Since I've been back in the single world I've dated people of all age groups but generally seem to spend most time with people younger than myself. They tend to have a) more flexible schedules and b) are more open to new experience. But this is a huge generalization, I understand. Let's just say I'm young at heart and not real locked into a daily routine that keeps me inflexible.
The first things people usually notice about me
So I asked five of my friends this question and got multiple answers about the following...

I've been told I'm not afraid to family passed down to me none of their politics but I got their good, self-deprecating humor, a joy of the ridiculous, an ability to yammer endlessly about anything, whether substantial or silly...that I get along with a vast variety of people, ages, backgrounds, and that I have very dedicated, interesting and diverse friends. I am told that I have some charisma when I walk in a room which I have no conscious ability to translate. My interpretation is that I just genuinely like people.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I owned a record store for 10 years and have worked in the music biz for most of my adult life. I once had a collection of 30,000 pieces of music (CDs, LPs, CASS etc) so asking me to whittle down to faves is often a chore I can't fathom accomplishing...let's just go for a major handful of the biggies...Beatles, Dylan, Miles Davis, Ryan Adams, John Coltrane, , Van Morrison, Neil Young, Willie Nelson, Bruce Springsteen, Television, Bola Sete, Milton Nascimento, Ray Lamontagne, Charles Mingus, Elvis Costello, Joni Mitchell, Mike Watt, Blasters, Richard Thompson, Emmylou Harris, Wilco, The Pretenders, Derek Trucks, Rolling Stones, The Who, Grateful Dead, Merle Haggard, Los Lobos, late 70s/80s West Coast Punk, Lake Street Drive, Elliot Smith, Neville Bros, Patti Smith, Marvin Gaye, Roxy Music, Bowie, The Decemberists, Buffalo Springfield, Gram Parsons, Peter Himmelman, James Maddock, Samuel Barber, Wayne Shorter, Hank Williams (Sr), Bob Marley, David Murray, WSQ, Utah Phillips, Sam Rivers, John Prine, Fleet Foxes, Sam Cooke, Adrian Younge...endless...

I see 5 movies a week minimum....often movies since a kid growing up near indie films, foreign films, dramas, classics, thrillers, romances, dumb comedies, smart comedies, action, horror, you name it...I love French New Wave films, anything by Hitchcock, Kurosawa, Scorcese, David Lynch, Elaine May, Christopher Nolan, Beat Takeshi, Pedro Almodovar, Woody going into a dark theater and letting the world outside fall away...anything with DeNiro, Pacino, Johnny Depp, Paul Newman, Penelope Cruz, Robert Downey Jr, Jessica Chastain, Clint Eastwood, Scarlett Johansson, Meryl Streep, Dennis Hopper...

shut it off for a few years but back on recently...mostly just watch movies but I do miss having HBO. I like anything well-written and quirky: the Simpsons, Jon Stewart, late night talk shows (gonna miss Ferguson, not into any of the new gen ones), The Blacklist, American Horror Story and always have watched SNL though been harder lately. Love HBO's original programming but it's easier to watch the whole seasons later on Breaking Bad, House of Cards and I still lose sleep trying to figure out how Joan Chen wound becoming that end table in Twin Peaks...I LOVE Twin Peaks...I think we are in a golden age for TV...A-List movie actors, writers and directors are all lining up as the production values are thru the roof these days. Granted, we could lose a lot of the fake reality tv stuff and dump the little ads that pop onto the screen in the middle of movies. Pleeeease....

Always reading 10-20 books concurrently...these days reading a lot of Eastern Spiritualism and philosophy (primarily various Buddhist schools, Taoist, Hindu classics)...I read a lot about human sexuality and psychology as well as lots of biography especially American History and bios of musicians, poets, creative people, environmental op-ed pieces and meta-fiction/post-modern stuff...studied Contemporary Fiction in college and love South American writers especially Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Love post-WWI (and forward) fiction and poetry (not a big classicist though I appreciate it). I adore all of the ex-patriot writers from the 30s and 40s and the Beats a generation later. Love experimental fiction as well. I'll read anything about Bob Dylan. Other fave writers across the genres: Phillip K. Dick, Allen Ginsberg, Herman Hesse, Ken Kesey, Flannery O'Connor, Mark Danielewski, Djuna Barnes, Jorge Luis Borges, Bukowski, Pablo Neruda, Carl Hiassen, Tom Robbins, Hunter S. Thompson, Anais Nin, Jack Kerouac, Toni Morrison, Ken Bruhn, Susan Sontag, Raymond Federman, His Holiness the Dalai Lama, Marc Epstein, Carson McCullers. Coover, DeLillo, Lem, Vollman. So much good stuff. Loved The Kite Runner (inside joke, but I did love it and the follow-up).

Love good food and good service and atmospheric restaurants. If I had a dream career it would be as a food critic who could eat for free every night and never wash another dish. Thai, Mexican, Italian, Malaysian, Vietnamese, organic Vegetarian, BBQ, Brazilian...sushi, seafood, fresh fruit juice, coconut anything, dark chocolate, spicy...mmmmmm...good company over a long sensuous meal in New Orleans or on the waterfront me...
Six things I could never do without
music, friends, good meals, books, beauty, art/films and flowing, wild , sexy conversation about all of the above (and almost anything else)! ...and the laughter that comes with all of the above.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
how long-winded I am...the fact that if I am not writing, I am singing, reading, processing ideas, random spiels about art, books, music, food, sexuality, meditation, discovering my place in the world, the meaning of life...I'm actually working on a book about epiphanal human sexuality as well as whittling away at the next music CD project, writing blogs and poetry as always and genuinely loving life. Looking forward to falling in love again. It's been a while and there is nothing quite as life-affirming. The most amazing relationship I had with someone was with a person who wanted to be my "Exploratory Partner." We went from exploring each others bodies, minds, hearts, personal spaces to exploring each other's universe from without and within. Pretty basic, open, shared communication. All else is icing. That's a beautiful thing to strive for. I try to live with "right intent", strive to be less judgmental, more caring and respectful. In hindsight, I truly believe I have had a love-at-first-sight experience once in my life and was very lucky at that. By far one of the most intense experiences of my life and while our timing and circumstances made it impossible to last as long as something like this should have, I feel blessed to have experienced it and if by chance it occurs again, I will be the luckiest person around. Proud to be good friends with all of the important partners I've had in life. All about quality, not quantity.
On a typical Friday night I am
open to just about anything. I like good food. Often I try and play music or go hear some live music on a Friday. I love dinner with a partner, dancing to a good classic rock or reggae band and then, hours and hours in bed laughing, loving, discovering with someone who I just can't get enough of...
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I'm an open book. Just ask. I love getting to know everything about someone and don't mind sharing details about myself...just ask all of my Facebook friends!
You should message me if
you don't have a short attention got this far without breaking for a meal/rest...enjoy love good, fun are smart, funny, open-minded, non-judgmental and love getting to know someone friendly with no expectations...not looking for a casual hook-up, drama, jealousy, but open to someone curious and caring. Seeking connection, communication, friendship and/or love. And don't forget...the experts say that the more questions you answer on OKC the more accurate your percentages are...ok, so I answered A LOT and YES I want to know more about YOU too!

Drop me a line even if you're curious about something above but don't think we're a match. I love meeting new and interesting people.
The two of us