So here I am on this silly website. And here you are too. So when we eventually fall madly in love and get married and our kids ask us how we met, let's just go with "At Vons, in the broccoli aisle." And they'll say "There's not a whole aisle for broccoli." Then we'll tell them that there used to be, but the government took away all the funnest kinds of broccoli because it was too awesome for most people to consume responsibly. Then we'll punish them for backtalking and they won't ask us stupid romance questions anymore. But they will eat their broccoli.
But perhaps I'm getting ahead of myself. I guess we should probably go ahead and figure out if we can even stand each other. Maybe we're gonna be that magical internet romance that lasts forever.
Professional yeti hunter during the winter.
Professional sasquatch hunter during the summer.
I also do this TV News production thing on the side for 40 hours a week.
Scrabble/WordsWithFriends. (And scoring big on dirty words)
Karaoke-ing. (Or at least good at doing it often. You be the judge.)
Making people think I'm listening when I'm actually daydreaming about koala bears invading raccoon villages with laser guns.
Coming up with a witty comeback 15 seconds too late.
Meowing back at my talkative cat.
But mainly the moustache when it's there.
On The Road, Perks Of Being A Wallflower, Choke, Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance, Erotic Hobbit Fanfiction.
I love movies. I love indie film festivals, big special effects blockbusters, old black and white subtitled films... from the arthouse to the IMAX megaplex, I love movies. And everything to do with making movies. I won in my college's film festival and led a team in the 48 hour film project.
Some favorites: The Big Lebowski, American Beauty, Office Space, Amelie, every Pixar movie, Woody Allen films, Tarantino films, Vertigo, Dazed And Confused, Being John Malkovich, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, Battle Royale, City Of God, Boogie Nights
Quiz Time! What is the best Wes Anderson film? You just hit that message button and sound off.
Small screen: Game Of Thrones is the only show I keep current with. No cable these days.
But other good ones: Firefly, Always Sunny, Rick & Morty, Bob's Burgers, Aqua Teen, Adventure Time, Six Feet Under, Walking Dead, Battlestar Galactica, anything Ricky Gervais is involved in.
I don't keep up with the Kardashians. Sorry, Kardashians.
Musical turn-ons: Keyboard Cat, Smashing Pumpkins (1.0, not this current Billy Corgan rehash), Radiohead, Gomez, Postal Service, Silversun Pickups, LCD Soundsystem, Interpol, The Shins, Metric, Arcade Fire, Death Cab For Cutie, Florence And The Machine, Lykke Li, Modest Mouse, Explosions In The Sky, Wilco, Zero 7, Mother Falcon, Darwin Deez.
I also like venturing outside my comfy little Alt.Rock bubble.
I see a crap-ton of live music.
Give me any excuse to eat avocado and I'll bite.
Bold coffee, cheesesteaks, Mexican, Italian.
Not very into seafood unless it's sushi.
I'm a bit of a beer snob. Mmm, IPA.
Barack Obama commemorative merchandise.
My Ed Hardy head to toe wardrobe.
Every Kidz Bop album on vinyl.
Giant clock necklace made of pure bling.
My Flowbee® and the beautiful haircuts it gives me.
Life-size cardboard cutout of Burt Reynolds.
What beer fesitvals are coming up soon?
Why do the neighbors get all pissy when I'm looking in their windows wearing only a ski mask and a cape?
F'n magnets... How do they work?
Why is the ass the first to go upon laughing? Why not laugh your pinky toes off instead?
Which is me setting Itunes to play Michael Bolton's Greatest Hits and then using a hairbrush as a fake microphone and serenading my cat with the sultry sounds of the greatest musical genius to ever grace this planet.
What? That's not what karaoke is?
Are you sure?
Or at The Casbah watching hipsters play music and denying my own hipsterdom.
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good
I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat
and a six four Impala
My bucket list consists of only one item:
1. Watch that bucket list movie so I know how to make this list thingy people keep talking about. It's a documentary on listmaking, right?
You're a robot that has developed enough AI to convince me that you're a human.
You pull off the girl-in-glasses thing. Lisa Loeb/Liz Lemon effect. Cute.
You think you can beat me at WordsWithFriends.
You enjoy pronouncing oddly spelled artist names phonetically (Kay-Dollar-Sign-Ha, Dead-Maw-Five).
Bonus points awarded to fans of Disneyland, roller coasters, geocaching, NHL hockey, and mountain biking.
Hey wait, you're that second thing?? Wow! You'd better send a message.