That's actually really cheesy. I'm not that bad in real life; I promise. My life is also less tragic than you might think, but shhhh. I'm trying to get girls with sympathy. Oh wait, I did this wrong.
I also write freestyle slam poetry. Or at least I can pretend to, if that's what you like.
I am also fantastic at parkour. PARKOUR! No really, it's important for me to stay in shape. With masculinity like mine, being fat too would label me a "bear". At least by my gay friends. But parkour isn't the only way I stay in shape. I also enjoy swimming and definitely climbing trees.
In my pants.
No really, I don't have much hair, but I do have a lot of fur.
I know that it's a total nerd thing, but I love Tolkien and especially the character Beorn. My friends and I have spent hours just coming up with terrible, terrible Hobbit pick up lines in preparation for the movie. "Hey girl, that ass is so Balin I just wanna Fili you up." I wish I could take credit for that one. Oh wait, no I don't.
I'm not going to list every movie I've enjoyed (and you wouldn't read it), so here is a short representative sampling: Bad News Bears, Groundhog Day, Grizzly Man, Inception, and Batman Begins. Yes, I actually "got" Inception. What can I say? I'm smarter than the av-er-age bear.
I am also ashamed to admit that I actually sort of liked the movie Ted.
In terms of TV, I primarily watch comedies. The League, Louie, Community, and Futurama. I'll watch most other shows, but I can't bring myself to watch "educational" networks any more which manage to make their viewers dumber. No, "Ancient Aliens", aliens did not build the pyramids. No, "Bear Feeding Frenzy", bears don't attack humans constantly.
Music? Whatever Pandora gives me. There's Mumford & Sons and old school Red Hot Chili Peppers, but I'm really open to whatever.
I don't follow sports too closely, but I like to casually watch. Go cubs! I also follow the Chicago Bears. When it comes to hockey, I break from the Blackhawks to root for the Boston Bruins. I like college sports too, but I actually root for Berkeley over my college.
A tricked-out man cave to get some alone time. Half the time I just sleep there though. The other half of the time, I play X-Box.
The great outdoors. I love backpacking and camping more than anyone else I know. I once offered to cram my tiny friend Zooey into my giant backpack and just carry her up a mountain. I also love picnics. Food just tastes better outside. But heads up - I will totally raid the picnic basket every time you turn around. My favorite place to go is Yellowstone, but I don't have as much time to make it up there any more. But even when I'm at home, I watch tons of Man Vs Wild.
Booze. Burnett's maple syrup vodka and Alaska Distillery smoked salmon vodka are my go-to liquors, especially when camping. I also love Jepspon's Malort as part of my Polish heritage. Most of the time though, I stick to beers and meads. I particularly like Wolaver's wildflower wheat and anything from Flying Fish brewery. But I'm not someone whose entire social life is centered on drinking.
My two older brothers - Christopher and Robin - mean a lot to me. We used to fight when we were living under the same roof, but we still love each other and keep in touch. Once I came home from a weekend only to see some blonde my oldest brother picked up passed out drunk in my bed. I was nice though, I gave up my cushy down mattress and slept on the couch in the den. It turns out she had eaten all my food and broken some of my furniture, then slipped out before any of us found out. I'm glad to be rid of their one night stands, but I love it when we can hang out in my man cave together.
Hitler (to fight in the Great War 2.0).
The environment and nature. I mean, I'm still a total omnivore, but I think it's wrong to skin an animal just for our...I mean their beautiful fur. Not gonna fling any paint any time soon or stop eating meat, but I still care. I also think that it's important that anyone who eats meat should be able to hunt for themselves. I guess this is just another part of how much I love nature. Hell, I practically cried at Gentle Ben. I won't even smoke when I'm camping because I wouldn't want to start a forest fire.
I sleep a lot in the winter, and I'm practically nocturnal.
Sometimes I am busy being oblivious as some drunk assholes in my house give all our toilets an upper decking. And once someone pissed on our CRT. Goddamn, I'm glad I left that place.
I used to be a cub scout.
I sort of hate dancing. I just feel self conscious, like everyone is watching me for cruel entertainment. I also hate the unicycle even though I had to learn it when I was younger.