How it works:
Each section has concrete examples and explanations to help you fill in your profile. Either go in order or skip ahead to whichever section you have the most difficulty in. This tutorial is written from a no-sense point of view with both genders in mind and its advice can apply to many age groups. At the end of this tutorial there are general 'tips' to make Okcu work better for you :)
For personal feedback on your profile go here!
Alright, your self summary's purpose is to start out strong and grab people's attention into reading the rest of your profile. You must show your audience who you are in a couple paragraphs. In other words, describe your personality with examples.
People usually write their profile with adjectives like "I'm funny/smart/quirky" etc thinking they've described themselves well. However, after reading a block of text like that what have you learned about them? Not much except how they view themselves and that it all sounds generic because their essence has been watered down to a few adjectives :/ You don't really know how they're funny or what makes them smart. And what does quirky mean to that person? Backup adjectives with examples!
You can do this several ways:
1. Start the section off with an interesting [hopefully true] short story that highlights a personality trait of yours. Writing should take the form of an upside down triangle ▼ You make broad sweeping statements about who you are and slowly build upon it with details. You should have a theme present that ties your summary. You could make your whole summary one story that includes a variety of personalities traits you have..
It wasn't my fault it had started raining an hour into my usual hiking trip, but I didn't care, I was having too much fun making progress on the nature trail. I tossed the map into my backpack and wandered into the dense canopy of branches enjoying the sound of my boots hitting the wet ground. Being the outdoorsy type, I was up for whatever challenge lay before me.
2. A good exercise for showing not telling is to write down a bunch of adjectives you think describe you and next to them come up with things you've done that fit that adjective. For example:
Adventurous= I like going out on 3am drives to nowhere.
Caring= I'll likely text you randomly letting you know you how just thinking of you makes me smile.
Funny= If we're fighting I'll just bundle you in sheets and keep calling you my "angry caterpillar" until you can't help but laugh.
The reason you write your summary with examples is because they act as proof to what you're saying. It also forms a strong image of you in a stranger's mind, like they can picture you through your writing. Spend some time thinking if you need to, open up a word document and type away as things come to you.
When you type a sentence making a statement about yourself Ex: "I am a very passionate person" ask yourself "Is there any way I can show someone how I'm passionate or reword it to make it funny or interesting?" Exaggeration/metaphors/ and imagery do the trick.
"I am a very passionate person" becomes with some creativity "I'm so passionate volcanoes erupt as I run into your arms and tango sweep you off your feet"
3. Inserting a short quote is a great way to say something about yourself. It accomplishes two things: showing a belief you have/ and you now have a catchy profile opener and can jump right into the rest of your summary or maybe even build off it! Kill two birds with one stone.
4. Another style to write your summary is to write "as if you're talking" directly to your visitors. Almost like a message you've left behind on your profile. It makes reading a more personal experience.
Ex: Hey you! Yes you with the face ;) my name's [Bob/Bobafett]. I'm the guy/gal always on run, listening to music late at night with their trigger on the latest movie releases. I enjoy the hell out of hockey would love nothing more than spending a date watching my favorite team [Red Bullets] down at the local arena. Although you may not realize at first, underneath my tough cool exterior lies a sentimental. I long to have someone to slowly waltz with because I'm romantic that way :).....etc etc
Make openings in your text to include 1st and 2nd person talk to make things personal while still describing yourself with examples.
A note about the tone of your writing. Don't EVER say anything like "I'm not good at this/ I hate my job/ sorry that I'm not very outgoing etc..." This type of writing repels because unconsciously you're saying you're not confident. Self deprecating humor is hard to pull off in text so keep things positive! So even if you might have a "negative" personality trait you can always write about it in a positive way.
I like to spend my days relaxing in the comfort of my home, passing my time watching movies or maybe at the beach catching some sunshine. I believe that the world is an uncertain place that can turn ugly at a moment's notice so I like to spend as much time as I can enjoying it.
RED Flags for the summary
► Do Not◄
- Leave this blank!! and saying you're "too complex to be understood in few words" and then writing nothing is a poor excuse and annoying to read. If anything this should be a good chunk of your profile right here or at the very least something sweet and short to get people interested in reading more. See "using a quote" for kick-starting your summary if stuck.
► Do Not◄
-Don't go overboard either and write a 500 page autobiography, leave some mystery for the date. Keep it between 700-1200 words. Getting too wordy happens when you forget the purpose of each section and just go rambling on and on adding everything under the sun. Sometimes you over-elaborate things or just repeat things in other sections.
♥ DO INCLUDE: ♥
- some general background information
- write about your passions
- write about key personality traits of yours
- strong words/metaphors/imagery that convey sensations that make reading interesting.
- a positive informal tone that is still grammatically correct and injected with humor.
Maybe your life includes lots of travel, or going to lots of concerts. Maybe you're a stay at home mom/dad that enjoys taking walks at the neighborhood park. If a student, make that clear and maybe add an interesting class you're taking. If you have a job as a waitress at the local coffee shop, say this but make it interesting with details and adjectives.
Ex: Ah yes, the life of a 20 year old student majoring in Chemistry. You can usually find me at the chem lab mixing solutions, or maybe with my head in the books for an upcoming exam. Don't be deceived, I've actually fallen asleep and my head is lodged between the pages of my super expensive rental textbook, which I'm drooling on ..... .___.
When I'm not studying/sleeping for school I'm practicing the violin poorly and taking a trip down to the local Gamestop to ogle at the new releases. I'm also working on running a marathon and sometimes I'll practice with a group of my friends etc etc...
♥ DO INCLUDE: ♥
-your job/student whatever status here
-your goals or anything you're working on here
-and keep this UPDATED
Ex: Hitting the snooze button really fast in the mornings. After years of practice, my reflexes are lighting quick and I can now catch a fly in mid air. [A lie of course but we're being funny and interesting and shows that you're not a morning person.]
Ex: I make a damn good cup of coffee. I love topping a steaming mocha with a layer of whip cream, cinnamon and chocolate sirup mhmmm :3 [This is something pretty normal but has details and shows that the person probably has a sweet tooth etc etc..]
You can also brag about real big accomplishments you have. You're a black belt in Judo, yeah you can brag right here...X
There's nothing too mundane or "boring" to make you not write something here. It doesn't have to be something big for it to count :)
-How people actually first notice you physically (really tall, big smile, bright hair color, retro clothes...)
-How people notice your vibe/mannerisms (twirl my hair, confident, bounce in my step, optimism, sensitivity, sarcasm)
-Things you want other people to notice about you. Maybe something quirky you are proud of.
- If you are stuck on what to write. Imagine you are about to describe yourself to a blind date. They have never seen your picture and you're talking on the phone. Write what you tell them here.
► Write this section in paragraphs! Most people lightly skim this section for things in common so make it easy to read by listing things.
Books- book 1, book 2, book 3, book 4, book 5, book 6, book 7, book 8
Movies- movie 1, movie 2, movie 3, movie 4, movie 5, movie 6, movie 7, movie 8 I like romance, comedies, and thought provoking documentaries on penguins.
Shows- show 1, show 2, show 3, show 4, show 5, show 6, show 7, show 8, show 9, show 10, show 11
Music- music 1, music 2, music 3, music 4, music 5, music 6, music 7, music 8 list some genres you like
Food- IF you're vegan or have some special diet mention that here. List what type of cuisines you like ex: Japanese, Italian, French, or maybe some favorite restaurants [hint hint hint!! This will give your future date an idea what kind of menu they can expect if you two go out]
RED Flags for the favorites section
► Do Not◄
- Write a huge wall of text for each section. Keep it light and between 6-12 items listed. We need this to be simple and easy to read, large blocks of words will be skipped over.
► Do Not◄
- Say you have "too many" to list. It's asking for your favorites not "everything". So pick and choose and everything else mention generally as in a genre of music or a type of cuisine etc.
Say something that is personal and exclusive to you. Everyone needs the basics of life to live and most people want or have friends so no need to mention that. Instead say something specific like :
1. An umbrella [an example that shows you're cautious]
2. Socks when I go to bed [interesting quirk people can relate to]
3. My favorite radio station 98.6 Fm [not many ppl have stations memorized so it's a bit of a mystery but still specific]
4. An organized space [show that you like cleanliness]
5. A journal to write my thoughts [shows you're pensive etc]
6. Exercise in the afternoon to wake my body up!
RED Flags for the Six things section
► Do Not◄ EVER write in here anything along the lines of: water-air-food-shelter-friends- [insert basic survival needs]
Why? Everyone thought. the. same. thing! And it gets pretty annoying to read this day in day out and it doesn't say anything about you. Be interesting, be different and you will stand out. I promise.
► Do Not◄ do the opposite " I could do without a lot" and not write anything. COP OUT I smell a COP OUT.
► Do Not◄ Repeat anything more than once! I don't care if XYZ is really important to you. You need to have more than one thing listed. Also the more you repeat something the more obsessed you appear. It pretty much sets off the "crazy" meter.
Anything that could show your usual state of mind and what's been running through it lately belongs here.This section wants to know what's important to you and if you're a : pessimistic/optimistic/cautious/carefree/ anxious/dreamy/serious/thoughtful/random thinker.
Try to write down any conversation topics you enjoy talking about or anything to show your wit and intellect here.
Ex: Sometimes as I lay in bed staring at my popcorn ceiling, I ask myself " why are pandas black and white?" And if I'm lucky when I wake up I remember that strange dream where I was a caterpillar eating my way through an orange, then an apple, and a pear.
RED Flags for the Thinking about section
► Do Not◄ For men write sex/gurls/getting laid or any stereotype for your gender. For girls, shopping/shoes etc is not acceptable. There's a brain inside you that thinks of things other than this.
► Do Not◄ write typical things like "what am I going to do today?" or "planning my day" etc. Everyone does this to an extent it's not unique.
Include: Hobbies, events or activities you habitually do are good starters. Be realistic. If you are a homebody and like to spend your Friday/weekends reading then say this.
This section is pretty short so you can format it in list form:
1. Scoping out the club scene
2. Relaxing after working hard with a book to read
3. Visiting a dog park and volunteering
4. Playing video games with my friends
This is what your date can expect to do when you hang out together! It's a good opportunity to add things other people could relate to and think "oh our lives are in sync!". If you're really busy you might want to add that too in here.
Tell your audience something that they otherwise would not have known about you unless you told them or they were your mom. The private section in this case acts as the opposite to the "what people first notice about me" section.
Ex: I can't stand the sound of a leaky facet/ white noise.
Ex: I like soggy cereal.
Ex: I slept with a stuffed animal until I was 15
RED Flags for the private section
► Do Not◄
Under any circumstances type "Ask me" or "It wouldn't be private now would it?"Lot's of people do this and again, very annoying.
► Do Not◄
Reveal anything that's too hardcore that could potentially scare people off. You may think you're weeding people out but at this stage you're trying to attract not repel. Leave big stuff for after you meet unless it's something very obvious. Remember to give it a positive spin like I explain in the summary section!
♥ Be specific about what you want. If you're looking for a fling
state.this.explicitly. Same goes for people on here wanting
something serious and long term. You are two types of people who will be shortchanged if you decide to meet up regardless of your contrasting relationship goals.
♥ BE POSITIVE- you don't want your visitor leaving with a bad taste so don't list a bunch of "do not wants" and put people down. Focus on what you want and the type of people/responses you'll welcome.
You think holding hands and taking long romantic walks on the beach isn't corny. You agree that effort, enthusiasm, and
compromise are essential to a good relationship. If you're into
evolution, love watching cute youtube videos then that's a plus in my book ;)! I'm absolutely smitten by fit dark haired men with light green eyes and pale skin.
If you want to be with someone that's sweet, bubbly, and willing to be your partner in crime as we walk around the city taking in all the lights and atmosphere.
This mentions what kind of relationship they want to be in,
summarizes key personality traits of theirs and makes it clear
they're looking for someone who is a romantic etc. It describes the person's ideal "type" and acts as a flag for people who fit that description to message him/her.
► Do Not◄ write " if you're creepy" etc on your profiles girls.
What the hell does that mean anyway? It's overplayed and there's a good chance creepy doesn't know it's creepy/is trolling you. Focus on what types of messages you want and delete the others.
After lots of browsing the average 'good' profile has about 700 words and as much as a 1200. Try not to go beyond or below that. Too little and people have trouble knowing what to message you about, too much is too much to read so passs. Keep track of this by googling
"word count" and clicking the first link that appears. Paste your
profile text there and it should tell you your number :3
FACT: This "profile" has about 4000 words and would be way way way too long as a normal profile.
Pictures will make or break you OkCupiders. So here's some
guidelines for putting your best foot forward.
► Keep photos CURRENT within the past year and especially if you've lost weight or cut your hair etc.
► Have at least one good portrait shot in good lighting. Avoid awkward mirror shots people!! It screams "I don't know how to work the self timer or have someone to take pictures of me." It's also plain vain looking too :/ not good.
►So, want to show off your bod? Go outside, take your shirt off or put on a swimsuit and look 'natural'. Congrats you no longer look like a self absorbed douche [and the scenery beats your bathroom 1000x].
► One good full body shot at least from the knees up.
► Extreme angles/blur/contrast is bad. We know what you're doing. Stop trying to hide, you're all awesome in someone's eyes :)
►One interesting picture of you doing something outside and shows you have a social life [at the park/beach/party]
► 2 photos is the bare minimum and 7 is good if you have lots of interesting pictures of you traveling etc. Don't leave an album in there cause where's the intrigue in that?
► Don't have photos of you in the same outfit unless they're
exceptionally interesting/unique. If you don't have many nice
shots, take a week of just taking pictures and have someone act as your photographer. Quality is more important than
!!! OKCu Questions !!!
Listen up! This part is important. The Okcu questions are what makes matching work and this site so damn special. That's why I've made a list of 321 high quality questions you can answer to get accurate match percentages [they're in my questions tab]. Go thru them if you haven't answered many questions or restart and do over with this :)
The list contains questions from all categories most will find are "need to know" compatibility factors (for example hygiene levels and sexual attitudes etc). It has good dose of hypothetical situations meant to reveal a match's character and some fun questions meant to spark conversation. I didn't cover niche interests in order to apply to a large population. You can always add questions specific to your interests. Some tips below when answering questions:
►Answer at least 200 questions but no more than 400ish (after a certain point, too many and you start to appear compatible with everyone, too little and not enough info to make an accurate guess.) You don't have to do it all at once just 50 today 50 tomorrow and soon you'll be done.
►Use Mandatory sparingly for questions that are absolute deal
breakers like big differences in relationship goals or lifestyles ex: monogamy vs polyamorous ,drugs vs no drugs, vegetarian vs strict carnivore.
Giving answers weight when you can't decide....
What these weights mean if your match gets the desired answer wrong.
Mandatory (no extra points if correct but heavy 250 negative if wrong)- "WTF are you thinking?!! I can't compromise on this" The definition of a deal breaker.
Very Imp +50- "You better have a damn good reason for answering wrong!" their answer makes you think twice.
Somewhat Imp +10- "Well I guess it's ok if you answer wrong. It's just a preference :/"
Little Imp +1- " Meh it's a tiny preference no biggie if you answered wrong"
Irrelevant- How they answer matters nothing to you.
If possible, explain controversial or easily misinterpreted
answers. Usually if you don't fall into one of the provided answer choices but answer anyway it's best to give an explanation. People do judge you on your answers but stating your opinion makes a visitor less likely to stereotype you based on your answers.
BTW any questions you answer are automatically public! You need to check the "private" box on the question you're answering before clicking next. Also your answers still get used for match % (and can't be searched for) even if private so answer all the questions you want no worries!
It's very likely men are the ones initiating first contact
[ladies you should try making the first move too!]. Guys, you have ONE SHOT at getting through so please don't shoot yourselves in the foot. Oh and your messages CAN be rated if your receiver thinks they're awful making future attempts to contact people harder. Psst it's right next to the responding area inside a message. SO please don't do the following:
Ex: " Hi/ Hello there/ Hey what's up/ How are you doing?" when used alone! You can do better than a simple hello. Even though this is how you'd approach someone in real life, this is the internet and it comes across as boring and too simple. Jump into what you're going to say and stand out immediately!
Ex: "Hey baby/sexy/gorgeous/cutie [insert physical
compliment]." Why? It is assumed you find them attractive, this isn't original and makes people think you didn't bother to read their profile. Also it's intimidating to be judged by a stranger you've never met.
Getting kinky too quickly
Ex: Hey sexy how you doin ;)? How about you and me meet and do the nasty on my bedroom floor? WOAH creepy dude! You're asking to be blocked or ignored at least. Even if you want casual flings you can't go FULL KINKY on her. Work up to it and match her level of intensity. If she says something kinky you can respond back similarly.
Here's how a standard message should look like:
A girl has The Beatles as one of her musical favorites.
Ex: Hey how are you? I saw you mentioned The Beatles on your profile. I totally agree that they are one of the greatest bands in the world! I actually have a collection of their music records. The cover art is awesome. What do you think about [something similar] and what's your favorite song of theirs?
Here's a good eye catching 1st message.
A girl has on her profile "I love to go scuba diving!"
Ex: "Hey my name is XYZ and a zookeeper. It's pretty much lions, tigers, and bears oh my! I saw you like to go scuba diving which is something I've wanted to try out. So tell me is life really better under the sea?"
He's making a cultural reference (Disney) that most people would know and a joke that's playful and something she can respond to. He also adds something about himself (his zookeeper job) in an interesting way so the person will be curious to see his profile.
A typical 1st message should
►refer to something from the other person's profile
►always have a question the other person can respond to back
►pique curiosity so the other person is lead to check out your
profile and decide if they respond back [profiles are 75% of the
►be less than a paragraph long [any longer is a waste on your part if ignored. Increase length as time goes by in following
►use humor that's delicate because the line between creepy and funny is how much the other person likes you and at the moment that's zero.
Good grammar, some people are sticklers for it and will
automatically rule out poorly written profiles etc. Catching one of
these mid-sentence is like a sad train wreck >.< Here's a
quick run down of the most common mistakes.
Their- means it belongs to someone ex: That's their
There- used to show location ex: Look at at over there
They're- a conjunction of They and are ex: They're going to the party
Two- One, Two Three, it's a number
To- used to express direction ex: I'm going to the beach
Too- used to point out you also agree ex: "Me too!"
You're- a conjunction of You and are. ex: You're pretty.
Your- means belongs to you ex: That's your chair.
Its- shows ownership like his/hers but is gender neutral. ex: The
butterfly is known for its colorful wings.
It's- conjunction of It is. ex: Hey it's sunny outside. If you can
write something as "It is" then use an apostrophe.
A lot- spelled usually incorrectly as 'alot'
Capitalize: I / I've / I'm etc and the beginning letter of a
sentence. Don't be lazy people!
Capitalize states/countries/ cities and the names of things like
books,events,places. Why? Reading badly capitalized sentences goes something like this: read read read STOP read read read STOP *annoyed
Well that's all folks! Thanks for making it all the way to end. If you did congratulations, you are now one step closer to meeting someone special ;) If you think this tutorial helped you, spread the word or link it to somebody who really needs it XD !
☂ ☛ People have asked me for critiques. I Think you should head over to r/okcupid They have way more people dedicated to this kinda of stuff :3
And in case it wasn't clear this is not a profile for dating so
stop asking >.>