36Boulder, United States
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My self-summary
Thanks for writing, kind folks! Life's become quite busy and I'm simply not able to be on OkCupid nearly as much; I apologize for not responding to messages. Best of luck to you!

I'm on OkCupid to find like-minded people with whom to connect. Those who have a great deal of self-knowledge and who spend time introspecting, those with empathy and honesty, and those who have time to develop deep, real-life friendships. Naturally I don't expect that to develop from every meeting I have, but these days that's my motivation.

Lessee. I study the martial art of aikido with a fervent passion. I love my work as a therapist. My friendships are the other most important part of my life. I speak Russian and I have a soft spot for corgis and guinea pigs. I like lots of things, in particular nifty people, thinking critically and learning, silliness, tangents, cuddling, and the combination of working hard and having fun. (Also, I'm afraid my username is no longer accurate: I realized I was headed toward a research career in psycholinguistics but my passion lay in working with people.)

What I'm really trying to do, ultimately, is to live as an independent, kind, sincere, adventurous, and fun person to be around. I wear all kinds of hats: complete and total geek, sexycool lady, teacher, amateur chef, goth, activist, martial artist, traveler, unofficial Boggle Champion. I'm also a comma addict. Most importantly, I'm always willing to try something new. You never know what you're going to like, and I've discovered some fascinating things and fascinating people by approaching life with this philosophy.

In general, I identify as polyamorous. For myself, polyamory does not imply that I necessarily am in other romantic relationships, but, depending on when you ask, I may be. I continue to be completely smitten with my husband, the charming and talented quantumquinoa. So although I generally enjoy meeting new people and forming new connections, as mentioned above, I am simply not on OkCupid much these days. Still, there are plenty of great people out there to like and love!

So, hey. If you're a decent human being who's read what I just said and had it resonate, step right up. My sincere apologies if I don't respond; I can be a terrible correspondent, and lately I've been even busier than usual. Many a friend has been made by my contacting the person months after they first wrote me. Please note that I'm not looking for penpals!

If you made it this far, you get a cookie. And a robot-monkey-pirate.
What I’m doing with my life
Lately I've been working a great deal on becoming a better listener and learning how to be a calmer, more balanced, more tactful, more giving, more empathetic, and more gentle person. It's absolutely worth it. I can only hope I'm making progress.

My admittedly broad goals for my life are 1) to keep happy and healthy by making sure I love what I'm doing everyday and the people I spend my time around, and 2) to do as much good in the world as I can. So what if those are cliched goals? They're genuine.

I want to challenge the way people think, and be challenged. I also want that to stop on occasion and be outright silly.
I’m really good at
I am surprisingly adept at picking berries, fruits, and vegetables more quickly than anyone I've met. This, apparently, is my hidden talent.

I'm so damnably good at introspection that I wish I were just as good at stopping it!

Teaching. Editing. Boggle. Cooking. Communication. Figuring out the exact spice that a recipe needs so that it tastes just right. Reading between the lines. Being sharply honest and tactful simultaneously. Not caring about looking foolish if I'm having fun. Remaining friends with exes. Being self-aware. Giving real hugs instead of those wimpy A-frame things we try to pass off as hugs. My former advisor told me I'm very good at coming up with ideas for research projects and designing experiments. My current one told me that I'm a Super counselor. (The eminent Rogers once said, "Don't waste your time training therapists- time is better spent in selecting them.")

I'm trying to be good at relaxing when I'm being attacked, in accordance with the principles of aikido, but it's a damned difficult thing to do. I'm getting better at it, though.

I'm wretchedly bad at flipping pancakes, as evidenced by my pancake-in-hair-above-open-flame adventure.

There are plenty of other things I'm not good at, but I'm quite skilled at not letting that deter me from doing them.
The first things people usually notice about me
When I'm walking down the street I am frequently told by random passers-by that I have a great smile. This never ceases to astonish me, but I'm always glad to hear it.

I suppose people also notice that I'm petite, have longish, wavy red hair, a very distinctive nose, and generally look aware of my surroundings. I have the standard redhead's complexion: in the summer I'm freckly, and in the winter my skin is very pale. I may be pretty quiet in new situations until I can get the feel of what's going on, although I rarely shut up around those I'm close to. I make corny jokes far too often.

People who know me routinely comment that I'm an extremely warm person. I am. Generally speaking. Please note that warm is not necessarily synonymous with optimistic, cheerful, or happy, or with shallow, stupid, or naive.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Oh dear, they had to ask.

a) To name a few... Master and Margarita (Bulgakov), Heaven Help Us! (Tarr), Spider Robinson's Callahan Chronicles , The Princess Bride, The Guide to Getting it On, the Harry Potter series, Winnie the Pooh, pretty much anything by Kurt Vonnegut or Isaac Asimov or Dorothy Gilman or Roald Dahl or Madeline l'Engle or Irvin Yalom, The Phantom Tollbooth, Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs, The Jolly Postman, and Sherlock Holmes mysteries. I also particularly enjoy browsing Google news, reading the NYT, and following xkcd.

One of my favorite books is The Ethical Slut, and I'd recommend it to anyone with curiosity about polyamory. In the same vein, I also appreciated Taormino's Opening Up.

b) Noises Off, But I'm A Cheerleader, Bend it Like Beckham, The Whole Nine Yards, Sneakers, Dr. Strangelove, Monty Python and the Holy Grail, The Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally, The Matrix (numero uno), Some Like it Hot , Twelve Angry Men, Slumdog Millionaire, Book of Eli. I don't watch much TV, but Firefly is fantastic, Lost was an intriguing idea for a show, Planet Earth is spectacular, and I have a soft spot for Star Trek, Next Gen. (Super bonus points if you can deduce why from my profile.)

c) I've just discovered King's Singers. I'm in awe. And I have a new favorite group.

The range of music I enjoy is always expanding by leaps and bounds. Lately I've been listening to a lot of Cake, Louis Armstrong/Ella Fitzgerald, Ingrid Michaelson, Mumford and Sons, Brazilian Bossa Nova, Leonard Cohen (I maintain a perpetual crush on him), Queen, and Jim Boggia. Oh, and 60s rock, which generally plays while washing dishes with Mr. Quinoa.

I also enjoy punk, jazz, classical, goth/industrial, salsa, blues, musicals, 80s rock, Great Big Sea, Aerosmith, TMBG, Bare Naked Ladies, Flogging Molly, Dar Williams, Tom Lehrer, Clementi, Mozart, Gipsy Kings, Bill Evans, and Russian folk music.

d) I like most foods, love baking and cooking (it's a great stress release!), and I appreciate quality cooking. I've been told by every single one of the people I've dated that I have a "special" relationship with garlic, so take that for what it's worth.

I enjoy Thai, Japanese, Tibetan, Italian, Vietnamese, Afghani, Greek, and Indian foods. My mom's Uzbek pilaf is incredible. Cheese. Berries. Bacon. Lemon bars. Dark chocolate. Pie. Pizza. French fries. Um, so, I suppose this simply means that I really like food . Won't argue with that.
Six things I could never do without
Wonderful people, aikido, silliness, Google, e-mail, alternate means of transportation, hot showers, and occasional days that are truly downtime from all of the craziness of life. Down comforters are a close, erm, ninth.

On cold winter evenings, I've been basking in the warmth of a Nalgene filled with boiling water tucked underneath my covers.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
There's always more introspection going on than is probably healthy, having to do with Who I Am and What I Want. My experience in counseling is consistently breaking my brain in very good ways about a number of issues having to do with diversity and privilege. Other than that, my friends and family and the definition of family, aikido and martial arts more generally, meeting new folks, the most recent really cool thing I've learned about , counseling psychology, how I can improve my teaching, my students, research, social political issues, current events, crossword puzzles, when/where can I next travel internationally, who I can get to play board/card games with me, which coffee shop I'm going to be working at this evening, where I'm going on my next hike, gender/sex/sexuality/polyamory from both a personal and societal perspective, what my next cooking project is, and... well, damn it, why didn't Dumbledore tell Harry about the Deathly Hallows?
On a typical Friday night I am
Evil. Obviously. Otherwise, usually one of the following:

-Out with friends, at a party or listening to live music or at a book store or coffee shop or playing board games or learning to dance or clubbing or on a night hike or backpacking trip or somesuch.

-Decompressing at home with a book and Mr. Quinoa and our kiddo, fuzzy socks on my feet, a furry creature on the floor beside us, and tea or hot chocolate in front of me. Possibly baking something delicious.

Over the course of one particularly scholarly month, one week I found myself at an amazing aikido seminar on Friday night, the week before that I read and baked cookies on a snowy evening, the week before that was dinner with a friend and then a fantastic tantric workshop/dance party, and the week before that I was taking a class on family counseling.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Mr. Rogers is my role model.

I lost a lot of weight a handful of years back. Although I'm in quite good shape now, if you happen to find overstretched skin an exceedingly unattractive characteristic, I might not be the best candidate for you to date. That also means that I'm going to be extremely unimpressed if you choose to send me an e-mail focused solely on how physically attractive you find me. I'd like to think I've always been this interesting, even if I haven't always looked this healthy.

It can occasionally startle people a little when they discover that I'm so open about how I feel.

Also, I adore puns to an unhealthy degree, bordering on ludicrous, and I regularly get into punning contests for hours. But don't tell anybody.
You should message me if
If you actually have the time and energy to devote to a deep friendship or relationship, and enjoy passion and intimacy. I'm not interested in meeting people who are solely interested in superficial interactions, or are too busy to spend quality time with the friends they already have.

If you're poly or poly-friendly.

If you believe that discussing interpersonal problems is a good thing, and understand that doing so is not the same thing as creating drama.

Otherwise, if you want to! I don't bite unless provoked. Or asked.
The two of us