Puppy-Nitrile
50 Vancouver, United States
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Puppy-Nitrile
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My self-summary
I'm not dating right now.

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Remember those Dos Equis commercials?
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- He can speak French ... in Russian.
- He lives by the motto "Safety Third."
- He once taught a penguin to fly.
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Well, I'm not the most interesting man in the world, I don't drink Dos Equis and truth be told, I'm afraid of penguins. (Flightless birds. Who are the ad wizards who came up with that one.)

I'm parent to two utterly amazing kids, ages seven and ten, who are with me most of the time. (Notice I put this first.)

I've lived here for about six years, a refugee from the Golden State. Born and raised in the SF Bay Area.

Educated, yet smart enough to know that advanced degrees and what they say about a person are highly overrated.

I graduated from U.C. Berkeley and lean politically to the right. Yes, several professors cried at my graduation.

ISTJ personality type with a dry, sarcastic sense of humor.
What I’m doing with my life
Exploring strange new worlds, seeking out new life and new civilizations, boldly going where no man has gone before. And I'm taking applications and interviewing candidates for the position of "First Mate" that's currently open.
I’m really good at
Pissing off opposing counsel.

Making cool sound effects with my mouth (also known to piss off opposing counsel).

Cooking. I hold the distinguished title of Breakfast Master. Really. Ask my kids. I don't make omelets. I make bomblets. And my barbecuing is the essence of scorched, mouth watering legends. I was raised Italian so I understand the role food plays in social gatherings.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm not the archetype of a hip Portland professional. I don't think I strike people as an attorney until I open my mouth and issue a prolific stream of gibberish peppered with "Whereas," "Wherefore" and "What the fuck."
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
When I'm not watching Regular Show and Adventure Time with my kids, I like Game of Thrones, Archer and The Walking Dead. (I have a thing for zombie flicks.) And I record interesting authors / speakers on Book TV (CSPAN2) to watch during the week. I don't follow professional sports. (I also don't golf and ... well, let's just say I don't do well with a hula hoop.)

I love going to the movies (when something good is playing) and doing stuff where we get to talk, whether it's a day trip or dinner / happy hour at a restaurant. And in the interest of full disclosure, I sometimes succumb to the desire to steal a grope ... in inappropriate places ... like the cereal aisle at Fred Meyer.

My recreational reading consists mostly of political blogs and various internet forums. As for books, I prefer non-fiction. I'm currently reading Vindicating the Founders.

I'm not impressed by pretentious offerings in restaurants. More like dumbfounded. I eat a really healthy, mostly vegetarian diet and work out every day. And I was raised Italian so I appreciate the role that food plays in social gatherings.
The six things I could never do without
My kids. They come first and always will.

I'm not sure there's really anything else I can't do without.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
When the Zombie Apocalypse besets us, which hardware to employ.
On a typical Friday night I am
Typical? Unfortunately, right now my typical Friday night is about as exciting as my typical Tuesday night. Please don't ask about my typical Tuesday night. It involves a cape, salad fork, tooth paste and four olives.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
At home I drink wine straight from the bottle as I'm the only one who drinks it. No, scotch still gets a glass. There are certain lines you just don't cross.
You should message me if
There's something really important missing in my life. A committed, monogamous relationship with someone who is my best friend. I really want to meet someone who I can't get out of my head. Who I admire. Someone who craves a man with a certain Dominance.

So, you should message me if:

- You need someone to play a scary clown at your next dinner party.

Or

- You think we'd hit it off and are also looking for someone who might become your best friend.
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[I'm kind of hoping for the latter as I'm not actually licensed and bonded for the clown gig.]
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