The Oatmeal, xkcd, SMBC....the usual staple
South Park (though there are some pretty slapstick episodes)
Posting links to Grieg's Op.54, No.3 during online debates (if you get this without googling, you're hawt. And if you can play this piece, I'll so buy you a drink)
* Only up to age 5...afterwards, I'm sure there's tons of good boarding schools out there...
As for IRL, apparently I look like I'm incapable of naming my project group 2 Girls 1 Cup. How can you not take advantage of a situation where you're surrounded by people who don't get the reference and they go, "Oh, there's only 2 girls in our group! Great idea!"
I'm still trying to think of what crazy eccentricities I can develop to join the crazy dictators club but I'm afraid various past dictators have beaten me to it. Maybe I'll revive the Sacred Band Theban style, make the Cult of Dionysos an official religion (and ensure everyone gets what he's actually god of correct) and deify my cat after insisting it has been catasterized.
I used to ask people to solve for x when (x^2)-1=0, but I just ended up with people messaging me stuff along the lines of, "x=+-1, now boobs." (though they'll usually miss -1)
Not scared yet? Well I'm also a godless heathen feminist who thinks two consenting adults can do whatever they want regardless of gender. This is your cue to run far, far away if you're in any way racist, homophobic or sexist.
No, I don't need more racist, homophobic or sexist friends, I meet enough of them already. Life's too short to waste on painful conversations.
Also, messages about having an Asian fetish are automatically translated to, "I love you like a butt plug."