On with the summary!
I'm a bad bitch. I'm a currently soon-to-be ex-fat chick that is a motherfucking goddess at any size because of everything else that I am... even fat-haters want me. I'm your fucking dream and I will likely remain just that, a fantasy.
I'm an artist, cook, writer, gamer, metalhead, girly-girl, anti-feminist, hopeless romantic, domestic goddess, and a bit of a dork.
I can be a tad bit abrasive if you rub me the wrong way... like a porcupine.
I like to put googly eyes on things.
I make dick jokes. I make ass jokes. I turn everything into a sexual innuendo. If we have a close bond I WILL release my inner five year-old and giggle and call you out when you fart.
I censor myself very little. I like offensive jokes. They do not reflect my actual opinions. I think people need to lighten up and not take things so seriously.
I consider myself to be neither a democrat or a republican... I'm more of a middle of the road, libertarian sort of gal I suppose. I don't like to take a label because I'm not sure there is one that really fits me.
I'm an atheist and anti-religion but I will in no way stand in your way to practice yours because that is your right, just as it is my right to not practice and reject religion.
I strive to be a caring, loving, giving, completely devoted mate. I am a hopeless romantic. I am ridiculously devoted, loyal, and honest. My eyes do not wander and I do not stray.
I give a mean foot massage.
I sing my heart out even though I am terrible at it.
I like men who are a bit rough around the edges and a bit possessive.
I'm a former aspiring chef turned maid and jack-of-all-trades. I'm starting over and hopefully going back to school in the Winter at UW Seattle to major in English with emphasis on Creative Writing and then hopefully on to the Creative Writing MFA. After being talked out if majoring in English (especially Creative Writing) I'm finally saying "Fuck it" and going for it... Not because I believe a piece of paper is going to help me by successful and build a successful career for myself, fuck that. I sincerely feel that now that, especially now that I know what I want for certain (and should have never let anyone talk me out of to begin with) that in order to further grow as a writer, I need to learn everything I can about writing.... There is always more to learn.
I currently work as an errand girl, which often includes a little bit of everything. I am on the road a lot and frequently make solo cross-country road trips.
As for cooking, it's one of my biggest passions, I am very good and I hope to cook every meal for my future boyfriend/husband.
My biggest passion though, is writing. I mostly write fiction, I have a series of novels I am working on currently and I am also a blogger and, as previously stated, am getting ready to go back to school as an English major with Creative Writing emphasis.
I spend my free time writing, blogging, playing video games here and there, cooking, baking, cleaning, singing, planning, driving, late night booze binges, making lists, dicking around in Reddit and occasionally 4chan, fantasizing about my soon-to-be perfect life, tearing feminists new assholes, dismantling the matriarchy (I'm both joking and not joking. This country is going to shit because of SJW filth.)
I'm heavily focused on my diet right now. I am very strict but it's easy stick to. I used to swim regularly but I was recently injured my back, shoulder, and foot when my car was hit by a drunk driver and now I am trying to work my way back into the gym and will return to swimming daily once I have access to 24-Hour fitness again. If we meet, don't get on to me about my eating habits. I KNOW what I am doing.
I am also incredibly focused on my writing right now as well. Some days I am in my own world, so don't be offended if I don't respond immediately.
Taking care of people
Holding my liquor
Taking long baths
Petting cute cats and dogs
Talking in cute voices to any animal
Communicating to and socializing with ravens and crows... Because I'm a freak.
Turning into a diva when I am alone in a room with good accoustics
Looking like an idiot
Sounding like an idiot because my mouth can't accurately convert the complex thoughts in my head into eloquent verbal statements on the fly. My brain moves way too fast to keep up with.
Perfect comedic timing that makes people shoot alcoholic beverages out if their noses or choke on their shot of Jameson
Blowjobs... but good luck with that
Remembering the tiniest details
Falling to the floor with uncontrollable laughter while clutching some sort of ridiculous drunk/stoned food item
My mage and priest in World Of Warcraft are awesome... does that count? Yeah... thought not.
I write... I guess that's something. I do comic art. That's something else.
Making feminists go into a violent rage without so much as raising my voice. (I have been punched in the face once and lunged at by crazy skanks numerous times simply for disagreeing with them. And they say that men are the violent sex.)
Movies: Secretary (<3<3<3), Pan's Labyrinth, Heavenly Creatures, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, The Little Mermaid, Tangled (I'm a sucker for Disney films, not gonna lie...), The Devil's Rejects, Blazing Saddles, Snowpiercer, bad movies with lots of brutal violence and gore...
TV: Archer, Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, Hell on Wheels, Sons of Anarchy, Battlestar Galactica, LOST, Fringe, Metalocalypse (Nathan Explosion would be my animated lover...), Venture Brothers, Tim and Eric, Rick and Morty. I recently started checking out Steven Universe because I was curious about all the hype and it's just bizarre... like what kind of drugs were they on and more importantly... where can I get some? I gotta say, I like it, but that whole fandom/fanbase can go die in a fire. Also, Once Upon A Time is a guilty pleasure...Once Upon A Time is METH.
Anime: Pretty much can't stand anime except for a few of the older classics Evangelion, Gundam (Wing and earlier...), Cowboy Bebop, Akira, Mononoke Hime, anything Matsumoto Leiji, Sailor Moon...
Music: I like metal...so much metal. D&B, Grindcore, lots of electronic... a little of everything, really. But my absolute top faves bands are not metal at all.... ABBA, Savage Garden/Darren Hayes, Lana Del Rey, and Florence and the Machine... BECAUSE I AM A FAG.
Apart from them...
Cannibal Corpse, Necrophagist, Morbid Angel, Obituary, Deicide, Slayer, Napalm Death, Black Dahlia Murder, Sepultura, Carnifex, Austrian Death Machine, Cradle of Filth, Cattle Decapitation, Within Temptation, After Forever, Epica, Dillinger Escape Plan, Danzig, Primus, Rings of Saturn, Napalm Death, Gojira, Ladytron, Miss Kittin, Covenant, Andrew WK, The Knife/Fever Ray, Electric Light Orchestra, VNV Nation, Mindless Self Indulgence, Akira Yamaoka, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Bear McCreary, Ween, Rammstein, KMFDM, Enigma, and a bunch more...
Games: FF7! FF8 (Yup. Haters gonna hate.), FF6/3, Parasite Eve, Parsite Eve 2, Silent Hill, Silent Hill 2, World of Warcraft, etc
Food: Abalone, uni nigiri (sea urchin gonads-om nom nom)—especially uni with raw quail egg, hokkigai nigiri (surf clam), ikura nigiri (salmon caviar), geoduck, tacos de buche (pork stomach tacos), tacos de sesos (beef brain tacos), caviar, mushrooms, ... However I eat pseuso-primal low-carb/high-fat, grain-free (except for the occasional treat) so I usually enjoy my favourite foods sashimi style (no rice) or in taco bowl form (no tortilla)... I rarely eat sweets/junk food but I have a soft spot for soft serve ice cream, real saltwater taffy (as in... It's salty), sour patch kids, and blended milk tea boba smoothies.
- La Croix sparking water... I'm addicted.
- Sex... or at least a lot of self lovin'
- A working computer and an internet connection.
- Something to write with... either a pencil/pen and journal, laptop, desktop, etc.
I get really frustrated and distressed by witnessing the decline and devalument of love.
Writing, art, sex, nerdy things, work, my many projects, love, money, moving, my ideal life, quantum theory...
"Doesn't the cat count as an observer?"
"Nah, it's pretty dark in that box."
Or being a loner at Mercury, probably getting chatted up by Ollie (get well soon, homie!)
Also, if the first message you send me is going to be about my weight, I probably won't respond. Because the best way to charm a girl is by saying "I love fat redheads." OR "I love me some porkers/fatties/whales/etc.", right? *swoon* NOT.
DO MESSAGE ME if you have similar interests and you aren't scared and/or completely disgusted by me... if you think we might click. Bonus if you are a metalhead.
Note that I am only looking for short term dating or friends. I will be moving to Seattle permanently in a few weeks and I am merely dipping my toes into the dating pool to test the waters since I will finally be in an area where nobody knows my name and there are more people than livestock and even the tweakers are friendly and the bums know what "no" means.
I don't do one night stands or random hookups so if the absolutely hilarious novelty of fucking a fat chick (one you could never keep up with, btw) is what you seek, move along.
Don't like my attitude? Don't care. Fuck off. Don't like my views? Don't care. Eat a dick. Think I'm a desperate ugly fat cunt who deserves to be harpooned like the worthless whale you think I am? Yeah, don't care, I'm sorry you are so insecure with yourself that you feel the need to put people down... especially ones that are far more fab than you.
Until next time.
PS: Stop messaging me about Donald fucking Trump. Just because I loathe Sanders and Hilary doesn't mean I am cool with Trump... There are other political parties and candidates out there... Also one line messages consisting of "TRUMP IS THE BEST!" Is kind of a weird thing to find one's inbox on a dating site.