27Manchester, United Kingdom
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My self-summary
Sarcastic, driven but oxymoronic,
Poetic, tall and slightly erotic.
I could go on all night about how great I am,
Whoa Black Betty, bam a lam.

In case it's not obvious by this profile, I'm INTP.
What I’m doing with my life
'Intervention' within a secondary school. Send me the devil spawn and I'll produce a kid with a C grade in English erryday. No but let's be cereal, I do it for the bat-shit insane lifestyle teachers get.
I’m really good at
Neglecting living things, standing up, making people feel awkward when they sit next to me on buses.

I can do impressions of things from Gollum to a Brummy asking for a doughnut.

I can also scratch my nose with my tongue.
The first things people usually notice about me
My uncanny resemblance to David De Gea (Google if need be)

That I usually have a gormless expression plastered on my face.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Republic, Frankenstein, The Iliad, Extremely loud and incredible close, The Book Thief, 1984, War of the Worlds.

Once upon a time in America, Goodfellas, The Prestige, The Godfather II, The Departed.

The Wire, New Girl, South Park, Breaking Bad.

I'll list music I don't like; if you say you'll listen to anything and like it, you're a liar: Screamo, Death Metal, House, most Dance.

Italian/Indian, Spanish/Mexican, CHIPS AND GRAVY.
Six things I could never do without
Oxygen, a spine, blood, YouTube videos of goats, the feel of carpet in the sunshine and arguments about Michael Gove
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What Jason Derulo had for breakfast.
Whoever ate the first egg was a brave man.
Whoever ate the first oyster clearly lost a bet.
Jason Derulo's beard.
Whoever decided to bottle water and sell it to people has a special place in hell reserved.
Everything else usually has a cat or goat floating around.
On a typical Friday night I am
Usually at 7:45 me and my friends are driving on the motorway,
Going SO fast time is flying.
Thinking about fun, man this is fun.
You know what it is,
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay I got this, you got this Now you know it
Kickin' in the front seat Sittin' in the back seat Gotta make my mind up Which seat can I take?


Or drinking copious amounts of gin, crying to Cast Away with half an orange in my mouth and masterbaiting into a grey sock.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I farted during jury service and blamed it on the elderly gentleman sat next me. That's why I drink :(
You should message me if
You can suck a golf ball through a hosepipe.

Don't message if 'bants' is in your vocabulary.
The two of us