31 Seattle, United States
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
Join today
Find great matches with our advanced matching system!
My self-summary
Growing up I wanted to be an actor or Ronald McDonald. Lack of talent in both job categories led me to my current career.

If I had a time machine and could only use it once, I'd use it to get William Shakespeare and Lil Wayne together for the ultimate lyrical battle....

Been living in Seattle for the past couple of years since graduating from college.

Don't mean to brag, but I have a really high score on "Hanna Montana: The Game" for the Wii.

I don't understand why people brag about being "smarter than the average bear", bears are not that smart! Like have you ever tried talking to one? News flash - I am smarter than the average stingray, camel, antelope as well....

I am not smarter than the average dolphin.

Spirit animals are SO 2013.

Word of warning.... I've had conversations where the other person got physically hurt from laughing too much.... like they kept struggling to gasp for air.... it got kinda awkward.

My spirit animal is a walrus.
What I’m doing with my life
I'm working as a software engineer at Xbox.

I'm a P90xer (3 year + ) :) I also try to run several times a week. A lot of my friends are trying out CrossFit (i.e. doing it for two weeks then quitting after getting the free t-shirt), so maybe I'll give that a shot at some point.

My lifelong dream is to open a breakfast restaurant in Las Vegas called the "Eggscalibur."

I am the winner of the 1992 "Best Grandson" award.
I’m really good at
I'm pretty good at dropping witty one liners and getting awesome fortune cookie fortunes...

Eating cheeseburgers.

Getting high scores on "Hanna Montana: The Game" for the Wii.

Saying "That's So Raven" in response to tragic events unfolding
The first things people usually notice about me
That I am a never-nude. There are dozens of us.... DOZENS!!!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books - Flight Safety Manuals, The iTunes EULA (End User License Agreement)
Movies - Battle Royale, Magnolia, American Psycho
Shows - Dexter, Game of Thrones, Lost, The Office, Family Guy, Breaking Bad, Arrested Development, Battlestar Galactica, The Walking Dead, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia.
Food - Preferrably non-poinsoned, but I don't think of myself as a picky eater

I'm also really into web humor, most notably :
xkcd - The Ballmer Peak is not a myth!
Cyanide and Happiness
The six things I could never do without
Yawn, I'm getting kinda lazy, so I'm gonna steal this section from a random girl's profile and claim it's mine :

"Sweats, sports, chapstick, lotion, floss, and my boyfriend Rick."

Hmmm.... maybe I should have screened this before posting.... also I wonder if Rick knows that you're on here!
I spend a lot of time thinking about
what I'm going to put in this section of my profile.
On a typical Friday night I am
Hanging with friends, getting slizzered like a G6
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have the Wicked soundtrack on my iPhone. This amazes everyone and I've been told several times I shouldn't tell people this... but now you know...

In fact, all top ten of the most embarrassing moments of my life involve my iPhone driving music for a "crunk" party when "Defying Gravity" starts playing...
You should message me if
You think this is one of the dumbest profiles you've read...

Also, if you were born on February 29th, that's a dealbreaker. I'd consider your age to be what you put divided by four, and the only place we really could go is Chuck E. Cheese, and that is the WORST place for first dates!