I am soul-crushingly lonely. I have not felt human touch, not a hug, not a kiss, not a blowjob, nothing for about four years now.
But by the same token...
I don't like people.
Not asshole, cock-wielding douchebag men, or mean, golddigging workaholic women. People to me have been always hurting, mean, disloyal, materialistic. Vain. Barely ever have anything in common with me. Makes me feel even more alone. No common bond, no kindred spirit for me.
Women have a tendency to reveal to me the ability to be cruel mindgame playing, heartless, broken things that have some form of mental illness, fucked up Dom/Sub situation or immediately commences some kind of mid-life crisis a few days upon answering my ad and seeming interested in me. Also I have discovered that the further away someone is from me, the more they like me. Well for the exception of mindgame playing people, they automatically default to not giving a fuck about me.
I take care of my elderly mother who is slowly dying before my eyes, and I can't afford to put her in a resting home. No, you wouldn't want to hang out with me because of that. What a bummer that would be.
I'm 6'3 375lb. Yeah I'm obese. Nope, you wouldn't want to be around me because of that either. I am obviously a lazy tax burden and incapable of reproducing and you'd think I could die at any moment of any day and traumatize you and your children if you dared even care about me or invest your time with me.
By no stretch of the imagination am I pure, or innocent. I am a deviant, a class A perv into touching and being touched, talking about touching and being touched; an avid supporter of nudism and completely without modesty and very comfortable with my body. I am iinto goth and darkness, a believer in werewolves and and a lover of nighttime. Nope, this would not do for single mothers or husband-seekers or religious people. Sorry, charlie.
In fact I don't drink or smoke or party, or have any friends that have time for me anymore. I have a day job that sucks all the freetime of my life Monday thru Friday, and Saturdays I grocery shop and take care of my mom, leaving me with Sunday as my lone day off - Sunday, the most boring day of preordained religious bullshit that closes shops and bars and whatever social function that could possibly exist.
I'm just a lonely, pleasure-deprived introvert with a chip on his shoulder. Why am I here in urban professional beautiful people land? I might as well roll over and die huh? I guess I am defiant, squeezing the tiny nugget of hope or possibility. Just in case someone has a legitimate human heart, or can look past flaws in people for a change.
In all honesty, my fondest and most deepest wish is to meet a genuinely caring, passionate and friendly female to be friends with, or a girl with a heavy goth/geek/kinky mindset, or be text message/Skype/Kik buddies with.
No people with fucked up hypnosis fetishes, or being controlled by fucked up Masters in SBDM relationships please. I'd rather someone with control of their own mind and heart.
I also look far younger than I am. Girls here always up in my grill all Oooh and Aaah about my handsome face. Then treating me like a Nazi treating a Jew in WWII when they see I'm a fat guy. Judgemental fucks. But it works both ways, being I am attracted to shorter and smaller or as less big as I am women, so occasionally I am guilty of being a complete hypocrite. So I too am a judgemental fuck, though I shake my head at why large women can get a thin guy to hang with them (*cough*longfunctioningpenis*cough*) and yet fit or thin women never chill with big guys (*cough*can'tgetitup*cough*). Oh wait. Never mind. Duh.
* The Wolf's Hour by Robert McCammon
* Blue Moon Rising and The Darkstalker series by Simon R.Green
* The Dark Elf trilogy by R.A.Salvatore
* The Stand by Stephen King
* The Earth's Children series by Jean Auel.
* any Spielberg movie
* Dances With Wolves
* Schindler's List
* Star Wars and Star Trek (all old and new)
* James Bond movies
* Superhero movies of all kinds
* Sci-fi movies, horror, and even B-movies for comedic relief
Favorite TV shows:
* Doctor Who, Game of Thrones, Vikings, Dark Matter, The Walking Dead, Netflix's Daredevil and Jessica Jones, Penny Dreadful, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel, Firefly, Hell on Wheels, FRINGE, Mythbusters, Deadwood, ROME, Hell on Wheels, The X-Files, any historical, nature related or astronomical documentary out there.
* Classic rock. Queen, Led Zeppelin, Beatles, The Who
* R&B and Jazz Blues
* Big band music like Glenn Miller Orchestra and Billie Holliday
* Classical music (Beethoven, Mozart)
* Movie soundtracks (especially John Williams and Basil Poledouris)
Movies and Netflix
Italian food, a good hamburger, and a greater milkshake.
My Xbox One, and laptop
Curiosity and imagination
Real books: touch, scent, paper.
Touching and being touched
And if you're a werewolf.
Though thats negotiable.
Being I get a lot of 'SOMEONE LIKES YOU!!!!!!' but they don't say shit to me? My Kik is FuzzyPilgrim777. Probably easier to communicate to me than having to fork over cash just to upgrade the ability to find companions lovers and good friends.