40Stockbridge, United States
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My self-summary
If you liked The Notebook, then listen here, and know we can never see each other seriously...

I recommend reading the self-summary last.. it's a spoiler. Instead, skip to What I'm doing with my life.

What I am looking for:

I don't look for perfect, just regular. In my opinion "regular IS perfect" - you know, flaws *and* strengths? I like human beings, not cardboard cutouts. Oh, you want a list? Sure!.. I'm quite happy to provide my standards:

Courteous, kind, thoughtful, emotional, sometimes intense, smiles a lot, laughs a lot, can sense a joke, not a model, goofy almost to the point of ditzy, fucking nuts.. oh wait, no never-mind.. works, has transportation, has goals no matter what they are, is insatiably curious, non-domineering, playful, thinks for herself..

What would be nice, but is not necessary:

1. Chics who can turn a wrench are oddly attractive.. I must like the grease.
2. You at one time 'headbanged', or have a rough approximation of what that is...
3. Others around you consider you to be highly logical - as I am a man and need that so badly in my life, right?
4. You like techy crap.
5. You get dark, twisted, random, sometimes scatological humor, and like it.
What I’m doing with my life
I am pursuing my dream to be "all that I can be". My lifestyle as a firefighting, charter-piloting, Oil Tychoon/porndirector is working out astonishingly well. I am having the time of my life.

You can find me in my spare time pimping down on Euclid. Passion, Cherry and Shiva send their love.
I’m really good at
... lounging in front of the window for my 70 year old neighbors after an all night high. They love that schite.

... shamelessly admiring myself in the mirror... in the most non-homoerotic fashion.

... pretending that the god Zeus is truly my father. I will go to war with Poseidon in his name. I'll have my armies throw spears at the sea, I will.

... annoying my cat to the point at which she turns into a slathering bitch-beast from the ethereal. (EDIT: I no longer have a cat. I'd like to think she's in that ethereal spot waiting to claw my toes off)

... having occasional skewed thoughts to keep myself entertained.

 For instance:

1. Before reading about him, as often as I saw Kurt Vonnegut's name, even though having never read his work, I had the idea that he must be to literature what Paul Oakenfold is to funny, random digital sounds.

2. I look forward to junk mail. When I'm waltzing down the hill to my mailbox I imagine Rod Roddy screaming at me to "Come on down!", because when I get there I've always won a new car. It comes in the form of an obviously useless key attached to a mailer from a local dealer. Then I do a little jig back up the driveway humming the Price is Right tune.
The first things people usually notice about me
My sardonic deadpan humor and raised eyebrow, my overuse of the phrase "What the (insert expletive)?!", or my overt complete lack of sophistication. Most of the time they notice all three, and usually in that order.

Black women also sometimes say, "You look thick". I've learned to take it as a compliment.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I'm unabashedly un-eclectic.

I love literature. For instance, this gem gets me all wet:

Classic Metal and Rock: Black Sabbath, Led Zeppelin, Janis Joplin, Jimmy Hendrix, The Doors, Cream, Budgie, Deep Purple, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Rush

Classic Punk: The Sex Pistols, The Ramones, Verbal Abuse, Black Flag, Minor Threat
Six things I could never do without
Sex, drugs, rock n' roll, beer.

Could you live without those things? Do you not enjoy the blunter things in life? Do incessant questions annoy you? Me too. While I enjoy theatre, good restaurants, and watching ritualistic religious ceremonies (they're beautiful), I cannot live without occasional excitment of my animal senses.

It did say six, so...

My power tools and my library.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
.. when my bid for ultimate conquest and messianic rule will come to fruition?

1001 is not a prime number. It should be, but it's not.

Oh yeah, Chicken... I love chicken.
On a typical Friday night I am
Working. I have a night job. I'm not much of a planner when it comes to Friday night activities anyway. I don't have, need, or ever want that dubious event calendar.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a dominatrix that I invite over on the weekends? She brings wild carnivorous dogs.

Also, this is a thought that sticks with me when using this site:

- "Any characteristic of another human being you have judged them upon has still been objectified. Regardless of the nature of that characteristic, whether it be intellect, social awareness, physical beauty, (ad nauseum).. You have still made an objectification. You are still guilty. You are not above the rest of us. You are an animal, and in no limited sense either, because you have judged fitness based off of a characteristic."
You should message me if
You've seen a copy of my profile elsewhere. Yes, *I have seen people actually steal my profile*. Other site members have warned me. I encourage you to reach out to them to find out if they are me - if they are not, they can't send a picture to you of me doing something weird like touching my ear. I hate cat-fish and will help you, to help me, to help you.. anyway, on to the good stuff.

You enjoyed Fifty Shades of Modok.

You understand sarcasm and deadpan humor AND LIKE THEM. I use these humor types frequently.

You too fuzzily understand the difference between a Coulomb and an Ampere without googling the terms.

You like men that do not appear or act the slightest bit metro-sexual, or have some factor that identifies them as "funky", yet can facilitate the use of uncommon words in conversation.

You are curious about all things. I like the curious.

You're the petite, bitchy chic who punches me in the arm after becoming frustrated. You're so cute when you're angry.

If you have lived in Atlanta recently, you despise ITP styled snobbery.

You read the answers to my match questions as I most likely will yours... YES, I READ PROFILES. YAY! :D

You want to interrogate me concerning some element of my profile. If I'm in a particularly good mood, I'll answer in all caps with multiple exclamation points.

You find short, one or two-line responses, structured with satire or sarcasm, to be properly humorous. You too should also use this higher form of communication, and especially in any first email. Brevity, dear lady - Brevity.

Do not message me if:

You will be inviting me to impress you. Here's why I say this: I once had a self-declared "lawyer" make initial contact by demanding in a few short sentences that I write her a clever email.... I then mused openly, "law school must be easier than I imagined"

You think four letter words are pedestrian, immature AND not funny. I f'ing use them alot.

You are going to explain to me that you just got out of a bad relationship and need some comfort. Mild exchange rates are available per session, however don't expect anything for free. As when I'm in a bad spot I have to pay to talk about it, so will you.

You have written in your profile some phrase that implies these words: my so-and-so comes first. Please leave that cliche in the closet. It's OK that you have responsibilities, because in fact most people do. However, I am foremost interested in who you are.
The two of us