Get weirded out that this dude has a choose your own adventure in his profile? Go to 8.
Decide you want to learn more? Go to 5.
Just want to pet that cool looking cat, go to 7.
2) Ryan frequently decides he wants to try things, and has learned a few different hobbies/skills over the years. He can play a couple songs on the ukulele, he has some skills in picking locks, and he's currently trying to teach himself calligraphy. If you -
Have some random skills of your own, or just like the idea of learning new things, go to 10.
Think that such frivolous activities are pointless, go to 8.
3) Ryan's favorite dinosaur is, and always has been, the glorious ankylosaurus. It's a giant spikey turtle with a hammer for a tail, which means it's perfect. If this -
Is a little weird for you, and you don't know why someone would include dinosaur information on their profile, go to 8.
Makes complete sense and/or you also have dinosaur opinions, go to 10.
4) Ryan enjoys karaoke, like, a little too much, even if he's not great at it. He loves to sing Dancing with Myself by Billy Idol, The Masochism Tango by Tom Lehrer, and can generally be talked into singing basically any Disney song. If -
You also like karaoke, or are at least up for hanging out while people are doing it, go to 10.
You think karaoke is stupid and the people that do it smell bad, go to 8.
5)You start reading Ryan's profile, and you realize that this dude has a lot of weird interests. It might be useful to decide what facts you want to learn. To learn -
Ryan's favorite dinosaur, go to 3.
Ryan's favorite podcasts, go to 6.
Ryan's top choices of songs to karaoke, go to 4.
Random hobbies that Ryan picks up out of boredom, go to 2.
Ryan's career, go to 9.
6) Ryan listens to a lot of podcasts, partially because he drives a lot. Some of his favorites are Hello from the Magic Tavern, Freakonomics, and How Did This Get Made. If you -
Are also into podcasts and would like to discuss them, go to 10
Don't care about podcasts (why did you choose this option?) or don't approve of his choices, go back to 5.
7) That cat is so cool, right?! His name is Robert J. Whiskers, Attorney at Paw, and he is more important to Ryan than basically anything else. Ryan's had him since 2009. If -
You don't like cats, go to 8.
You're totally into cats and think that Robert looks like a cool guy, go to 5.
8) It seems like you're not into this whole business. Keep reading if you'd like, and maybe even send a message and see what happens!
9) Ryan works for a yeast company and does technical services for various ethanol production facilities in the state of Minnesota. It involves traveling a bunch and many conference calls, but it also involves him working from home and having a lot of flexibility in schedule. If you -
Find that interesting and want to talk more about that, go to 10.
Are somehow put off by that, either go back to 5 and try again or perhaps just go to 8.
10) Hey, it sounds like maybe you and Ryan may get along. Maybe you should consider reading more and even sending him a message?
I like to think that, for whatever flaws I may have, I'm good at being loyal to the important people in my life. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm also really good at using my phone while drinking beer in the shower. That's the most marketable skill.
I'm not sure what my favorite movie would be, though just through a look at my movie shelf, I'd have to say either Labyrinth, Thank You For Smoking, The Princess Bride, or The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. Keanu is the greatest love story ever told.
I generally like most music, though I'd have to say Cake is probably at the top of my list. I listen to far too much comedy music (Ninja Sex Party, Garfunkel and Oates).
I don't watch a lot of tv, though I do have a great love of cartoons, and will sit and watch Gravity Falls or Star vs the Forces of Evil with anyone that's interested.
My mind is constantly wandering, so sometimes I'll go from thinking about what I want to be doing with my life, to birds, to superheroes, with no discernible path between them.
How much this commercial explains my views on everything: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E9aih1TcWPE
I love the smells of fresh pavement and gasoline.
I've never played Dance Dance Revolution, and know I would be terrible at it, but I secretly really want to try it.
I am actually six raccoons in an elaborate costume.