(We now return you to the Classic Edition of Steve's profile, lovingly hand-crafted over more years than I care to admit.)
...I'm an extrovert with a limited blast radius. Which means I'll talk your ears off, but only your ears, or at most a few ears at a time.
I'm polyamorous and kinky; if you match me more than 90%, you probably are too. I've had serious relationships and casual flings, I've topped and bottomed, I've been platonic and sardonic, and I've fed the gremlins after midnight. Like many interesting nerds, I have my own twist on some common attention and anxiety disorders. On the whole, though, I think I'm a pretty hoopy frood and I like myself more often than not. I'm attracted to people who think the same of themselves without making it a competition.
I'm slightly Internet famous for a few bits of miscellany-- a science fiction podcast called Escape Pod, some software stuff, and Invisible Pink Unicorns. Being Internet famous is only good for two things: drinks in foreign cities, and teasing from the people who actually know me. I did once have a girlfriend who thought it was hot that I had my own Wikipedia page, but that relationship lacked a neutral point of view.
Family status: I got divorced in early 2011. No, not because of poly. I have two children, ages nine and four; they're clever and fun and happy, which puts my life in the "WIN" column no matter what. My love for my kids is my most visceral emotion, but I don't expect grown-ups who interact with me to get involved with my kids unless they want to.
Lately I've become more and more of a hippie and have been going to burns. I'm not crazy enough for Burning Man; just crazy enough for the local Georgia events (i.e. Alchemy and Euphoria.) Explaining why these are important would take too long and probably wouldn't work. If you've been, you get it. And you can appreciate that I'm considering "Crazy Mystic Wizard" as my title for my next set of business cards.
Thinking skills: I like solving puzzles. I appreciate elegant design and care whether the things I make (usually code or prose) are beautiful as well as effective. I have the virtues of ADD as well as the flaws, so I'm excellent at thinking outside the box but terrible at putting things away when I'm done with them.
Romance skills: Good hugger. Great kisser. References available upon request. The keys to all intimacy for me are affection and humor. I've led panels at conventions on "How Not to Be the Creepy Guy." There are certain other things I'm apparently exceptionally good at, but if I tell you what they are and HOW good you'll just roll your eyes and think I'm full of it, so they will not be elaborated here.
I'm a damn good father. If you're reading this you're almost certainly not my child, so this isn't directly relevant. But it's very important to me. I figure almost everybody ends up in therapy at some point to talk about their parents (and if not they probably should), but when it's my kids' turn, their issue will *NOT* be "My dad never said he loved me!"
I'm a mediocre and unambitious cook except for three foods. First among them is popcorn. My popcorn is transcendent. Don't believe me? Try it sometime. Then tell me if I'm wrong.
I'm a pretty good hypnotist. I use this power neither for good nor for evil, as both require certifications, but I often use it for fun.
Most important of all: I know you're wondering, but no one ever dares to ask. The answer is YES. Yes, I can read Dr. Seuss's _Fox in Socks_ at extraordinary speed, with the correct funny voices and no errors, at any level of sobriety on any substance that permits consciousness. If this is the skill you need to save your village, I will be your samurai.
If I'm not wearing The Hat then probably my smirk. Not my smile. My smirk.
The best novel in English is To Kill a Mockingbird. It's not my favorite, but it's the best. Atticus Finch is my model for fatherhood, and if you ask me why, get ready to sit down and make yourself comfortable.
Current favorite SF novel that nobody's heard of but everybody should: Hannu Rajaniemi's The Quantum Thief. It's post-Singularity nanopunk with a hero inspired by the French Arsène Lupin novels. And it's even cooler than it sounds.
Movies: I stand by the belief that The Princess Bride is one of the best written movies of all time. I loved The Abyss for its intelligence; The Matrix for its coolness; the LotR trilogy for its grandness; and Casablanca should have been number one on that Top 100 list. I like movies that make me watch them a few times over, too. Primer is one of the smartest movies I've ever seen. Donnie Darko made me listen to the director's cut, then disagree with the director on what it was about. And I have a deep sense of gratitude for Apollo 13, for being one of the only movies that depicts scientists and engineers as heroes.
I have a huge soft spot for kids' movies that are smarter than they need to be. Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs tops that list, and no I'm not kidding. Pixar is the best thing to happen to movies in the past fifty years, but even including their work, Frozen is the best movie Disney ever released. I have thought about that statement seriously and am prepared to defend it.
TV: I don't spend a lot of time on this, but if I like a show I want to watch it all the way through, so I tend to be cautious about trying things. I've even fallen behind on Doctor Who, and am on the verge of being taken in by the Geek Police and having my sonic screwdriver license revoked. OTOH, I've watched all of Twin Peaks twice this past year, and am proud to live in a world where shows like Pushing Daisies or Life on Mars can happen at all. (I mean the British Life on Mars of course. There was no American version. Shut up. You're lying.)
Oh. I'm also into good anime. Or clever anime, or anime that's just weird in a clever way. There's too much here to even try to elaborate on it, so: Cowboy Bebop, Revolutionary Girl Utena, Fate/Zero, Kill La Kill, Mushi Shi, the deceptively well-named Straight Title: Robot Anime, and possibly the best title to ever be applied to anything: My Mental Choices Are Completely Interfering With My School Romantic Comedy.
Music: Other than a conviction that Yoko Kanno is one of the greatest living composers (even though she mostly does anime soundtracks), I'm not that deep into music. I like geeky music like They Might Be Giants, George Hrab and Jonathan Coulton. I can be enchanted by bluegrass, by classical symphonies, or by 80's pop if it's fun enough. I've lately become enough of a grown-up to go on major Beatles and Leonard Cohen kicks. Then I stopped being a grown-up and went to burns, and that's kindled the spark of an appreciation for electronica, especially trip-hop and dubstep. And for largely historical reasons, I maintain an irrational fondness for The Alan Parsons Project.
I'm a little bit genderqueer, but not in a way that is outwardly apparent or relevant to most of my interactions. It's unusual and personal enough that I'm only "semi-open" about it, and it's one of the few exceptions to the paragraph above.