Don't message me unless you have read my entire profile!
Don't message me with any kind of romantic or sexual intention unless you live in or very near Brighton and are willing to meet me in person, I am absolutely not looking for a long distance relationship or cybersex and no it doesn't make a difference if you say "I could move for the right person", it's way too big a gamble for me.
Quote from my best friend "The only thing bigger than your tits is your heart." I try to live up to that as best I can.
Hi everyone ^^ I am bi/pansexual, femme-ish but not really into the gender binary all that much, I'm fat and I like my food (but I eat fairly moderately), I make no apologies for who I am or my body and I'm very into body-positive, fat-positive and size-positive politics (if I were a country singer, I'd be called Fingerlickin' Big Bessie Smalls :D). If I don't want to fuck you I don't want to fuck you, but that's the only context in which your appearance means anything to me. I believe in the power of love, friendship, fun, baby animals, rainbows, icecream, cheese toasties and cthulhu. I like the rain but not when it's really cold (not a fan of pneumonia*).
I am a sex-positive liberal/heavily socialist leaning feminist and am strongly opposed to censorship. I believe in both the value of and human rights of the individual to autonomy over their life and choices and the importance of human connection and community and the need for wealth redistribution so the poorest people do not die and suffer to increase the obscenely excessive wealth of the richest. Connection between humans, animals and plants is also vital. The most important part of my politics is that everyone has a right to ownership of their body, and I consider the rights, including autonomy as well as protection, of children to be very important (but not in a "won't somebody please think of the children?" kind of way, I don't agree with banning porn because kids might see it, don't agree with censoring old children's cartoons for stereotyping/cigarettes/etc.). I am an atheist and not religious (though I do have something of a spiritual side, but it's not a major part of my life, just something that I don't close myself off from, as I simply cannot personally conceptualize all my experiences in purely "material" terms, even though I have a basic understanding of the science involved, it's kind of like how the placebo effect can be so powerful that some people can have a headache and take a sugar pill and know it's a sugar pill and then it can still relieve the pain, if that makes sense?). I like animation and comics from around the world, I enjoy anime and manga but am beyond sick of all the heavily sexualized teenage girls in it. It's hella creepy -_-. Also annoyed by all the stupid shows with generic as fuck dialogue about "I want to protect blah blah blah." Easy sentiment sucks. I love reading dearly, I game very occasionally but it's not a big interest of mine (like it's really not, it's cool if you're really into gaming but it's not really a passion of mine), I like to cook sometimes and am a total music addict. I have a passion for writing but don't do much of it and enjoy doing visual art every now and then (I particularly enjoy working with glitter glue, because sparkles). I want to do more visual art because I find it more calming than writing. I don't drink, smoke or take drugs but have no problem with those who do (I mean genuinely, most of my friends drink alcohol and most of my partners have/do and I have had many thoroughly enjoyable evenings hanging out at my flat with my friends while they consumed huge volumes of vodka/rum and coke and I was completely sober, or at the bar with a big group of friends, I'm very good at hanging out with really drunk people without us seeming weirdly mismatched). While I am not vegan or vegetarian and suck at "ethical consumerism" I think the way animals are treated in industrialized meat and dairy/egg production is horrific and it breaks my heart.
I have a lovely friend with benefits and am not sure if I am looking for a monogamous relationship but would love to be part of a couple and see each other once or twice a week (as in, twice a week would be lovely but I have other friends who are important to me and I need to make time for them plus alone time for me and all the stuff I gotta do so it will vary a bit) and keep in regular contact online between meetings :) Right now where I'm at with monogamy vs. poly/open relationships is that I could see myself maybe being happy with a monogamous relationship in the long term if I dated someone, grew comfortable with them over an extended period, the sex was good, we spent a lot of time together and really liked and loved each other, but I'm really not willing to end my sexual relationship with my current FWB the second I start dating someone new (I don't see them very often so it's not like there would be lots of conflict over who I spend more time with on or offline), and in addition to that I am not willing to end my non-sexual friendship with them in the long term, they are an important part of my life and a wonderful friend. I recently ended a romantic relationship, it was a mutual thing and me and my ex are still friends so I'm not horribly heartbroken but I don't want to rush into anything right now. I'm primarily looking for friendship and cuddle buddies (I do mean just cuddling not making out, kissing is a sexual thing), and might be open to more than that if there is a really deep connection. (and don't message me saying you feel a really deep connection with me just from reading my profile or looking at my pictures, we both know that's bullshit and you're only saying it because you are either just looking to get into my pants or consumed by a desperately unhealthy desire for romance at the expense of actually getting to know a person with time and patience). I am potentially looking for friends with benefits, but I'm not interested in one-off no-strings-attached fucking (to each their own but it's not for me).
*though I do think that Diphtheria's second album is really underrated.
That I have beautiful eyes.
That I have beautiful eyelashes (my mum told me that the last time I was feeling insecure about my body, she said the doctor commented on it at one of my early checkups and everything, so it is deffo a thing).
That I have huge... tracts of land. Srsly though I do have noticeably big tits.
My hair (either that it's long, that it's pretty or that it sometimes hasn't been washed in over a week).
That I have nice legs (ok, that was one guy, but I do seem to get a lot of positive attention when I wear short skirts).
That I talk fast
That my bras don't fit (I do wear one at a time, I just have more than one that doesn't fit... I don't have anything against people who wear more than one bra at a time).
That I seem intelligent
That my T-shirts are cool (and usually have at least one small food stain on them, this also applies to my clothes more generally).
That I'm fat (nice when someone's cool with it, not nice when they start telling me I should be losing weight even though dieting causes me to develop eating disordered/body dysmorphic thought patterns that are very distressing for me).
That I have lots of DVDs and comics (in the form of collected book editions, I don't want to deal with the flimsiness of trades, also this is generally something people notice when they see my room, I don't usually walk around with a sizable library on my person).
More seriously, Radio and Book versions of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, various manga such as Twin Spica, Banana Fish, Moon Child and Loveless, I'm currently reading and loving Tramps Like Us, Knights of Sidonia and the Spice and Wolf novel series (not interested in reading the manga), and have just read the first Goodnight PunPun omnibus which is making me want to read everything by Inio Asano.
I like lots of anime films, particularly the works of Studio Ghibli, Mamoru Oshii and Satoshi Kon, I also love Princess Arete, Mind Game, Akira and The Girl Who Leaped Through Time. Both Vampire Hunter D films are great (I hope to one day read the entire novel series on which the movies were based, also Yoshitaka Amano's art is beautiful), and some of Osamu Tezuka’s experimental films both short and feature are very very cool.
The rest I’ll limit to 10 per section or I’ll just list things forever (these are not ranked, and I have many other favourites not listed here):
1. Every anime TV series directed by Hideki Anno + End of Evangelion and the Gunbuster OVA (and Gunbuster 2 though he didn’t direct that).
2. Serial Experiments Lain
3. Azumanga Daioh
4. Princess Tutu
6. Everything by Shinichiro Watanabe (though I haven’t finished Terror in Resonance yet).
8. Kino's Journey
9. Fullmetal Alchemist (I like both versions but prefer the earlier, less manga-faithful one.)
11. (This is allowed because Spinal Tap) Everything that I have seen by Masaaki Yuasa. Seriously he's fucking amazing (still need to watch Kaiba and Ping Pong tho).
12. (Yeah I'm really stretching the rules now) Everything I've seen by Kunihiko Ikuhara (but I still need to watch Lesbian Bear Storm).
Just marathoned The Flowers of Evil anime last night and it was as amazing as the equally wonderful, unique manga, more anime should make bold artistic statements like this. I completely agree with the quote on the case that says "So good it makes everything else look bad." At least, it makes the majority of anime look woefully inadequate by comparison.
1. Various Cartoon Network cartoons both past and present.
2. Futurama + Seasons 1-10 of The Simpsons.
4. Pushing Daisies
6. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
9. Father Ted
10. Dad’s Army (I grew up with it and regard it with great fondness and affection).
Currently watching Jane the Virgin and The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (both on Netflix but I don’t watch a massive amount of stuff on there).
1. Many Frank Oz directed films both Jim Henson related and otherwise
2. Josie and the Pussycats
3. The Naked Gun
4. 10 Things I Hate About You
5. Clueless and Fast Times at Ridgemont High
6. Lots of Disney (mostly early/90s/recent)/everything Pixar except Cars and A Bug’s Life/Some Dreamworks (both CGI and those four 2D ones they made in the late 90s/early 2000s). Favourite recent Hollywood animation not by any of those three goes to The Book of Life and Hotel Transylvania (I am looking forward to seeing HT2 as well, missed it in the cinema).
7. All manner of foreign animations both mainstream and obscure, one film I saw recently that I utterly loved is Jack and the Cuckoo Clock Heart. Wish more people knew how awesomely poetic Eastern European animation is.
8. The Iron Giant
9. Grease (I was in an LGBTQ bar last night and they played a medley of songs from it and everyone sang along, even the teenagers, even the friends of mine who are in punk bands, Grease brings people together as effectively as Bohemian Rhapsody so people who look down their nose at it aren’t going to spoil my fun).
11. La Belle et la Bete and Orphee by Jean Cocteau. I also like Jacques Tati's stuff.
12. Pump up the Volume and Empire Records.
Not that I necessarily dislike comic book movies and serious oscar bait/arthouse type films, but they aren’t what I revisit the most. The last couple of non-anime movies that I watched were The Night Listener and All About Lily Chou-Chou (which I didn’t finish because it was long and I was watching it with my mum who found it a bit upsetting).
Lots and lots of music, a few favourites are:
1. Electric Six (I’ve met Dick Valentine twice!)
2. Hot Chip
3. Some metal, particularly older Opeth stuff
4. Franz Ferdinand
5. Janelle Monae
6. Fall Out Boy (been listening to them so much recently)
7. Cheesy pop shit like It's Chico Time, Hanson and B*witched plus various 80s stuff when the mood strikes me, also enjoy a fair bit of mainstream RnB and arguably less cheesy pop when it's produced well and has a good singer. Female fronted country I will put under this heading as well.
8. Queens of the Stone Age (I have never heard an album better than Songs for the Deaf even if their more recent stuff is more variable in quality).
9. Nirvana and various other grunge bands.
10. Girls (though I don’t really like Christopher Owens’ solo stuff, but Album (yes that is the title of Girls' first album) got me through some really tough times).
11. Rufus Wainwright. All his albums are fantastic, OK I haven't really bothered with that opera thing he did, but everything else is great, he has a fantastic voice and is an amazing songwriter and pianist.
Recently been listening to a lot of relatively recently formed woman-fronted rock bands (Paramore, The Marmosets, The Pretty Reckless, Savages) because I didn't like how much of a sausage-fest my rock collection was, and I’m currently into a funk/hip hop fusion band called Speaker Minds who I hope I get to see live one day.
I dislike spices and refuse to try snails or any other mollusc. Other than that I like a range of things, but don’t tend to eat particularly adventurously in practice. I do really like fried onions, especially with sausages or eggs and cheese. Favourite fruit is probably fresh dates or mango. I enjoy a lot of foods that are not very healthy for me but I don’t make a cross sign every time I see a plate of salad. Icecream in summer is like a little taste of heaven. OK I’m done mixing food and religion now.
My Rights (and everyone else's)
A wank every now and then (seriously when I don't do it for a while I get more stressed and my self esteem decreases, partnered sex is also good but less essential in my personal estimation).
Lube - Seriously sex would suck without it.
Friends/Family - and more generally, love.
Computer and internet
A washing machine (washing clothes by hand is bad for your back and takes ages).
Baby wipes (really handy for all sorts of stuff)
Those extra strong Strepsils that contain an anesthetic for your throat
The really basic stuff like water and oxygen and so on.
Whether it is better to be up and down in mood or balanced but not experiencing highs or lows.
Did I lock the front door/turn the oven off/other such basic life management tasks and whether I did them or not.
All the horrible things going on in the world and how sad it all is.
A hilarious picture of my best friend that makes me crack up every time.
If my friends are OK.
Being physically intimate with someone I love.
How much I love the sun and how much it would suck if it disappeared.
A party by myself
A me party!
I don't need nobody else.
I'm having a me party!
I'm the first and last to show!
There's no one at this party
That I don't already know!
2. Worshipping in Hozier's Pagan Church of Gay.
3. Soberly trying to convince drunk strangers that my best friend once slept with a Power Ranger and wrestled a bear, but that's usually on other nights of the week.
4. Relaxing in front of the TV/computer.
5. Cooking sausages at gas mark 6 and feeling like a badass as tiny drips of hot oil spit up on me and I just keep swimming, by which I mean cooking. It's a metaphor, y'see. I don't actually swim in boiling oil, or in my frying pan. What do you call it when a really hot poet says their heart shattered when they were broken up with? A depressing and cliched metaphwoar. I may also sometimes be found making up bad puns. I mean really bad puns. Like that one I just made. I mean, even I'm shocked by how bad a pun that is.
More "seriously" I have ADHD and I'm on the autistic spectrum, these things don't define who I am but if you want to associate with me you have to accept them.
If you live nearby and are looking for a loving relationship/snuggly friend with benefits/casual dating partner :) Also good if you're looking for just a platonic cuddle buddy to just hang out with and watch movies and stuff but with hugs! :)
If you're looking for queer friends, or friends in general :)
If you're into anime and manga, but agree that the way it portrays female characters is usually pretty messed up what with how they're pretty much all thin and really young looking, and generally dislike shows that pander heavily to male otaku (also I'm not a big fan of Gen Urobuchi, so if you're a total fanboy for his stuff and are going to try to convert me then just give up now.) Non-pervy anime fans of all genders welcome!
If you like music, but are more concerned with enjoying it than with judging others for their tastes.
If you want to go out to a nice cheap restaurant/cafe and have a meal or hang out at the library in Brighton.
If you'd like to go to a reasonably cheap Brighton gig.
If you want to discuss Carnivale with me.
If you would like to watch some absolutely terrible and/or utterly fantastic movies and make fun of them/sing their praises while eating tasty snacks. (Tea provided free of charge and if you want sugar I'll put it in while the water's really hot and stir it so it doesn't form that icky hypersweet goo at the bottom of the mug).
Would be cool:
You believe in unicorns and fairies/nature spirits a teeny little bit (not a lot, just a bit). Or appreciate them as metaphors for the natural world and it's rebirth.
In the unlikely but awesome eventuality that:
You are not human but can still type - I'll be well impressed and promise not to reveal your secret to the media.
Don't message me if:
DO NOT MESSAGE ME if you are any of the following: anti-abortion, anti-choice (and I mean the choice of the person who is actually pregnant, if you believe that the person who only contributed a sperm should be able to veto the decision of the person who is actually pregnant with the fetus about whether to have an abortion or not, then fuck off and take your misogynistic bullshit with you, yes a pregnancy results from two people but the one who is actually pregnant is the one doing 99% of the work and taking on all the risks to their health and life, the other one just has an orgasm, they don't have to worry about getting diabetes or a torn clitoris or the agony of childbirth or throwing up every morning), pro-death penalty, pro-torture, anti-welfare, anti-socialized healthcare, anti-feminist, anti-womanist, transphobic, homophobic, fat-phobic, pro-censorship, rape apologist, victim blaming, racist, xenophobic, Islamophobic (yes it is a religion and religion has a lot to answer for but mindless demonization of all Muslims is entirely unwelcome within my friendship/romantic/sexual partner circle), sexist or ableist (if you think people with low IQs shouldn't reproduce then fuck off Nazi), anti-immigrant/anti-immigrants who are here illegally but are not a threat to anyone's human rights or safety, a tory, a UKIP supporter, right wing. I will at best ignore you and at worst give you a right verbal bollocking.
Don't message me if you are going to just send short monosyllabic messages. I want a proper conversation.
Don't message me if you're going to ask me what I do for a living/what my job is. A lot of people ask me this and it clearly states in my profile that I don't have a job. There are valid reasons for this, several in fact, but I'm not going to explain them to you on demand and I dislike going through these motions as a way of making conversation. There are more interesting things to talk about than the job I don't have.
Don't message me if you're going to ask me if I'll talk to you on this or that other messaging app or site when we've only just started talking. I don't have a smartphone and I have chosen to set up this profile because this site is my preferred method of communication until I have actually gotten to know someone well enough to want to share other parts of my online life with them, which will probably take months in most cases.
Don't message me if you're expecting kinky sex, I have no interest in anything kinky and also don't want to give or receive anything involving arses. To each their own, but I'm vanilla, and do not enjoy teh buttsecks.
Don't message me if you are going to send me pictures of yourself naked or ask to have any kind of online or offline sex or ask me if I'm horny, etc. when I haven't asked for them/that and we've only just met. If your first message is sexual in nature I will ignore it or possibly tell you off for being a prick before blocking you. If you send me anything really inappropriate or nasty I will report you to OKCupid for harassment.
Also no "nice guys". If you feel that you are entitled to my time, attention, a response to your message or sex/romance just because you are "nice" then fuck off. (And also if you think that, then you're not nice). I'm not saying I'm attracted to assholes, if you're a genuinely nice person then great, but if you're the kind of man who is nice to women so they'll have sex with you and then complains/guilt trips them when they want to be your friend without having sex with you then go away.