ScooterBeast
25 Kirkland, United States
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ScooterBeast
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My self-summary
Hi, I'm Scott and I am a massive nerd. Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
What I’m doing with my life
Well, mostly just trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. I also write (short stories and really bad poetry, also eternally working on a book that will never be finished), play games (of both the video and pen and paper rpg persuasions), go to cons, and debate which is the best Batman movie as if it's important (spoilers: it's Batman: Mask of the Phantasm and so help me I will fight you if you say otherwise).

Like I said, huge nerd. Science nerd, book nerd, history nerd, politics nerd, sci-fi/fantasy nerd, etc. You name it and if I haven't geeked out on it yet, I probably will soon.

In a more normal-person capacity, I have a job managing an online store. Customer service, making sure the site doesn't shit itself, order processing- you know, work stuff. I also occasionally go to concerts or book signings, and sometimes make my way to parties and festivals if the mood strikes me.

I don't go camping and hiking as much as I used to, but I'm looking to change that.
I’m really good at
Retaining useless information. It's something of a lifelong pursuit of mine to know as many things as possible. I spend way too much time getting lost in the never-ending Matryoshka that is Wikipedia.

Also, I used to play trumpet. Though I'm probably no good at that anymore. Okay, honestly, I was never any good. I got a C in band once. That was the most shameful C I ever received.

Also also; I'm a good communicator. Like, in a general sense, I speak well, listen well, and understand that the goal of communication and discussion is to exchange information rather than win a discussion by talking the most.

I like art, and I like thinking about, talking about, and critiquing art of pretty much any stripe, partly because I have a ludicrous plan to consume all the art everywhere and thus become some sort of all-powerful super-artist who farts masterpieces and pisses excellence and creativity.

I have a love/hate relationship with politics. On the one hand, shit is fascinating. On the other hand, oh god what the fuck is going on somebody please help.

I'm also told I make the word things sound pretty.
The first things people usually notice about me
Probably my sense of humor. It's pretty much non-optional for me to make jokes about anything, appropriate or otherwise. I have a silo full of weapons-grade snark, and a separate silo full of cliches and stock sayings, such as the phrase "weapons-grade snark".
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Aw hell, I hate this part.

Short version: Stuff.

Long version:
I like classic sci-fi written by nerds who thought the future of computing lay in really big vacuum tubes (I'm looking at you, Asimov). I also like manifestos written by Dirty Hippies (Heinlein, Hunter Thompson) and anyone who Is So Meta Even This Acronym (Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchet). I also enjoyed A Song of Ice and Fire, Dune, much of the works of Michael Creighton and Steven King, the Kingkiller Chronicles, Harry Potter (though I didn't love the last book), Slaughterhouse 5, Brave New World, 1984, The Jungle, the Grimnoir Trilogy, RA Salvatore's old Forgotten Realms books, The Adventures of Cavalier and Clay, The Count of Monte Cristo, Forty-Thousand Leagues Under the Sea, the Three Musketeers, Dracula, Rubicon:The Triumph and Tragedy of the Roman Republic, and Dante's Divine Comedy. I've recently been beating my head against Infinite Jest.

Comics and graphic novels are different damnit, but I'm going to put them in the same group for the sake of space (this profile is already getting long enough to be mistaken for a semi-lucid manifesto). I love The Sandman, V for Vendetta, Watchmen, Transmetropolitan, Ultimate Spiderman, The Incal, the whole rest of the Jodoverse that comes with the Incal, Preacher, Whatever Happened to the Caped Crusader?, 100 Bullets, Hellboy, Hellblazer,Deadpool and Cable, etc. If it was published by Vertigo, I'll read that shit.

As far as movies go, top 5 in no particular order is The Thing, Moulin Rouge, Reservoir Dogs, Amadeus, and The Holy Mountain. That's a favorites list, not a 'best/greatest movies ever made' kinda list. Attempting that kind of list would make my tear ducts rupture and start spewing blood. Honorable mentions include REC, the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, Pain and Gain (if you think Michael Bay can't direct a real movie, watch Pain and Gain. Warning: it's hilarious if and only if you are already of the opinion that people are terrible), Star Wars (because duh), old Jim Carey movies, old Adam Sandler movies (his pre-Big Daddy stuff. Waterboy was the last good Sandler film), the old animated Hobbit/Lotr movies (though Bakshi's rotoscoped wonderland was... odd), the Recobbled Cut of the Thief and the Cobbler (if you've only seen the theatrical version, you're missing out; it was a pet project and animator's worst nightmare for 30 years, and then the studio took it, added Disney songs, and gave the silent protagonist a voice. It was a fucking travesty and total waste of good art), and... um... really bad movies. Like, awful. And it only counts if the movies are actually earnest; Birdemic is bad on purpose and not in a fun way). Oh, and the Princess Bride, but I figure that's a given. Everyone loves the Princess Bride.

We are, in my opinion (and a lot of other people's opinion, for that matter) experiencing a golden age of television. Thus, I watch a lot of TV, and double thus have many shows to cover. The Wire is a fucking masterpiece and quite possibly the finest television program ever made. It is known. Speaking of which, I of course watching Game of Thrones, and despite a noticeable drop in quality after season 3 (oh god the Sand Snakes are fucking awful and the Jason and the Argonauts skeletons at the end of season 5 were hilarious when they weren't supposed to be) the latest season seems to really have picked up that dropped ball. I really liked Avatar: the Last Airbender and the Legend of Korra, and Preacher was good even though is seriously suffered from a mid-season slump. Also springing to mind are Firefly, Battlestar Galactica (the new one), every fucking thing Mike Judge has ever touched, Futurama, South Park, the Simpsons (before it got shitty. When was that, like, season 12 or something?) and Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.

My taste in music is a convoluted, confused beast. It dabbles in everything from classical to classic rock, Delta Blues to Doo-wop, Prog Rock to Punk. Top 10 artists in no particular order (again. The question "what is your number one favorite artist/song" is just too big a question to answer without, like, a trip to Tibet and some beads) are : Pink Floyd, The Who, The Rolling Stones, Ray Charles, Beethoven, Queen, CCR, Johnny Cash, AC/DC, and Led Zeppelin. I'm not putting The Beatles in there because everyone loves the Beatles, so they pretty much go without mention. Except, I just mentioned them, so there's that. Honorable mentions go to the rest of the Big Three of Classical (Mozart and Bach) as well as Vivaldi, Rachmaninoff, Dvorak, Tchaikovsky, and Mussorgsky. Non-classical honorable mentions go to Jimi, Neil Diamond, Jonathan Coulton, Joe Cocker, George Thorogood, Dire Straits, the Greatful Dead, Clapton, Fleetwood Mac (both their old bluesy rock stuff a la Clapton and their later, pop-ier, Stevie Nicks-ier stuff), Elvis, Elton John, The Eagles, Dean Martin, David Bowie, Daft Punk, Cat Stevens, Bob Dylan, The Police, Stevie Wonder, Van Morrison, Velvet Underground, Wilson Pickett, Otis Redding, Nirvana, Sam Cooke, Skynard, Marvin Gaye, The Kinks... honestly this could keep going for hours. Music is, obviously, sort of a big deal for me.

Remember how I am a massive nerd? Right, well I watch anime and read manga. 90% of it is crap but then, 90% of everything is crap. As far as manga I've enjoyed, I would like to give special mention to Berserk, One Piece (yes I know it's juvenile junkfood, but damnit if it isn't some entertaining junk), Lucifer and the Biscuit Hammer, and Attack on Titan. For anime, I would give a top 5 of Neon Genesis Evangelion, Serial Experiments Lain, From the New World, Katanagatari, and Black Lagoon. Honorable mentions include Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Madoka, One Punch Man, Gurren Lagann, Kill la Kill, Kino's Journey, Psycho Pass, and Space Dandy. Since I forgot these in the movie section, I'll put the anime movies here: Everything by Ghibli/Miyazaki, Akira, Red Line, and Ghost in the Shell.

I am not particular about what I eat. I have eaten things I am not proud of. On the other hand, I have eaten things I am quite proud of. I killed a duck and ate it once. It tasted terrible, like a mouthful of dirt, but still. I felt very Highlander-y. Anyway, my point is that I eat most things. Not too big on fish, but I'll eat it.

Sweet mother of god, over-sharing much? I guess this was bound to turn into a manifesto no matter how I tried. I like talking about art.
The six things I could never do without
1) Waking up and then going back to sleep for another hour or two. You get the weirdest, most vivid dreams that way.

2) Hypothetical scenarios, as in sitting around with people and discussing our plans for world domination, or what we would do with a billion dollars. My personal favorite is plotting the perfect murder (FOR ACADEMIC PURPOSES ONLY, unless Anne Coulter is in town).

3) New words. I like words, they are kind of my thing, but using the same words for an extended period of time gets dull, so new words are required on a semi-regular basis. Some of my favorite words include: scintillate, acrimonious, fungible, and pontificate. Oh, and also "inflammable", because it means the opposite of what it should.

4) Swear words. Slightly different than the above, because I don't learn them so much as stream-of-consciousness create them. When I really get going I'm like if James Joyce and Jackson Pollock had a baby and that baby was raised by wolves that... swear a lot and oh boy this simile has gotten out of hand. My point being, I am an artist who weaves spontaneous tapestries of filth, and I take my curse words real fucking seriously.

5) Wikipedia. I am a knowledge junky, and if I don't get my daily fix of history, art and science then you'll probably find me on a street corner offering blowjobs in exchange for pointless trivia about circuit diagrams.

6) Trees. (Nudge Nudge, Wink Wink, Know What I Mean?)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
High-minded bullshit. "What is the purpose of government? What does it mean to be a man in this day and age? What are my biases and how can I counteract them? What is the meaning of life (funny story, I think I solved this one when I was on mushrooms. Corny as it sounds, I believe the meaning of life is "To appreciate being")? Is God really Dead, or is he just resting, possibly pining for the fjords? What is the average airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor? What do you do with a drunken sailor EARLY IN THE MORNIN'?"

Sorry, I can't keep the serious face on that long, so sometimes my diatribes digress into Monty Python quotes and referential humor. It's a curse.
On a typical Friday night I am
Contributing to the deforestation of plastic baggies and watching movies. Or possibly writing something. I don't really go out to bars and clubs, mostly because there are no good bars anywhere near me and none of my friends really do the bar and club thing. I have nothing against doing so, it's just usually more hassle than it's worth when I can drink for much cheaper at home and not have to worry about driving.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have an inordinate fear of dying alone (well, I'm pretty damn afraid of dying, but dying alone is just salt in the wound).
You should message me if
You like pina coladas, and taking walks in the... wait, no, that's not right.

If you're opinionated, fun, and sincere, we'll get along swimmingly.
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