You may find this charming.
I'm much better at subtext, body language and intuition than Spanish, and usually never hold things against anyone -- but I'll be the first to point them out.
You might (endearingly) despise this.
I do stupid boy things, but can also cook, clean and give basic fashion advice (oldest of 5 kids, tutored by gay godparents).
Your dog and/or cat will love me.
You will have mixed feelings about this.
Born in LA and raised near San Francisco -- if douchebags were rainbows, I can spot colors you haven't even named yet.
My chances of meeting anyone new/awesome in my small windows of free time is a topic I'd rather approach with (unjustified) optimism.
I'm basically here to earn a few new female friends (most of my closest friends growing up have been ladies) that aren't my co-workers -- maaaaybe the occasional (mutually respectful) romantic entanglement.
I work in the videogame industry (with some comics and TV thrown in for good measure) -- writing/developing stories, characters, dialog, doing design, voice over/motion capture direction and consulting work.
There are also a ton of business and managerial aspects that make me grateful I'm not forced to wear khakis.
I love my career, and it's allowed me to visit amazing cities and countries (Russia, Poland, Germany & Canada in the last few years alone), though I rarely get to enjoy the sights. Just the cultures.
It can be highly exciting, twice as exhausting and three times as difficult to describe what I actually do on a typical day.
But I'm far from the mouthbreathing stereotype your imagination is currently painting me as.
When I'm not working, I'm usually trying to find great new bars & restaurants, playing guitar, camping, desperately plotting uses of PNW sunshine, or dicking around with friends at some event we were invited to at the last second.
I muse over the idea of road trips and microadventures when I can find the time, but I'm equally okay spending a few days at home trying to wind down, relax and (maybe) make up some unslept hours.
- Using penis jokes to convey poignant philosophies. Think Bob Saget meets Mr. Feeny.
- Perpetually inventing (and then forgetting) new swear words, catchphrases.
- Not spoiling the plot twist or ending of everything for everyone.
- Forgetting my multiplication tables.
- Taking better care of others than myself.
- Hammering the most terrible scenarios into something worth laughing about.
- Drifting into an accent/inflection similar to the inhabitants of wherever Christopher Walken comes from.
- Taking mediocre photos of brunches, wet streets and the weirdos that make this city so special (IG: Frozenstar)
- Doing the wrong things the right way. My sense of altruism borders on self-destruction.
They change between green and blue.
Medium range? My eyebrows.
You could fight crime with them. But you shouldn't -- because that'd be gross.
Across the room?
You might have caught me eye-bangin' your entree. I have a fat soul.
Next thing people notice?
I'm not a Bro, but I've mastered the art of covertly bullying them in their own language for your amusment, surviving fist-hugs.
Peter Parker is my spirit animal, which is perfect for someone who gets mild vertigo (yet loves rooftops) and is arachnophobic.
Please don't confuse this with Tobey Maguire.
I prefer non-fiction and how to's (even if I never actually learn how to do anything).
But... I'm a total sucker for a few classics and well-written superheroes, post-apocalyptia, and noiresque crime stories.
Movies (The "Pumpkin Spice" List):
***Ghostbusters***, Leon the Professional, Memento, Goldeneye, Home Alone, Chef, The Prestige, Man on Wire, Moon, Army of Darkness, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, Life Aquatic, Scream, Jurassic Park, Robocop, Zombieland, Tremors, Back to the Future II, Some Like It Hot, Hocus Pocus, Empire Strikes Back, The Rocketeer, Sleepy Hollow, Tombstone -- these are just the beginning of a very long list. I figured there's a chance someone might have at least heard of those.
Most things written by Aaron Sorkin or starring post-Space Jam Bill Murray are good bets.
I also know classic American horror pretty well (used to be my job), but like to dive into the weirder stuff when couch lounging with friends.
I also love depressing documentaries, thrillers, and romantic comedies. If there's a compelling story of character; I'm game.
Justified, The Newsroom, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, Fl/Arrow, Flash, Fargo, House of Cards, Girls, Penny Dreadful, Daredevil, Silicon Valley, Veep, Boardwalk Empire, Sons of Anarchy, The Wire, Terriers, Breaking Bad, Fringe, Supernatural, Stranger Things, The Getdown, Jessica Jones, Game of Thrones, How to Make it in America, Homeland, Californication, 30 Rock, Archer, Bored to Death, How I Met Your Mother, Studio 60, Louie, The Daily Show, John Oliver, Boy/Girl Meets World, classic Nicktoons/Snick shows.
Melodic punk bands, classic rock, heavy metal, acoustic sessions, 80's pop, post rock, grunge, ambient synth, swampy/boxy blues, hip hop, soul, funk, (real) jazz, and orchestrated scores.
I grew up in a town known for wine and "Tom Waits lives here".
Album Leaf, Black Angels, Bon Iver, CCR, Caspian, Black Keys, BB King, Ef, Interpol, Japandroids, Springsteen, Billie Holliday, Halsey, New Order, FIDLAR, Silverstein, Sleigh Bells, Senses Fail, Stevie Wonder, Early November, Daughter, Mumm-Ra, Explosions in the Sky, Rancid, Bad Religion, Deathcab, Yuck!, Johnny Cash, John Fahey, The XX, Taking Back Sunday, Kings of Leon, Jose Gonzalez, Decemberists, Eels, Get Up Kids, No Use For A Name, Phillip Glass, Clint Mansell, Ryan Adams, Hall & Oates, Pixies, (classic) Ataris, Joseph Arthur, Transit, Incubus, Dick Dale, Danny Brown, Nas, Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson, Joy Formidable, Dorena, Movielife, Motion City Soundtrack, The National, Straylight Run, Common, The 1975, Passion Pit, Menzingers, Jay-Z, Kanye, Yeah Yeah Yeahs...
Basically, any tune that can help encapsulate a mood or a moment, whether it's from your collection or mine.
Vigilanterian -- I only eat animals who commit crimes?
Comfort foods, tacos, vegan foods that surprise me... Bacon...
Also... eggs. benedict.
Maybe one of them is you!
Or John Stamos. Both of those would be weird.
But one of them would be a rock 'n rollin' Uncle Jesse.
Co-dependency is more dangerous than 90's sitcom uncles folks. It's science.
(Disclaimer: I wrote this before Fuller House was even a glint in Stamos' never-aging eyes... Cyclical relevance!)
- How to make explosions more intellectually stimulating
- What you can and can't do in outer space (awesome people defy this)
- Animals doing crazy things
- Cinematography ("Movie Fingers")
- Weird things the internet showed me
- Why I didn't write that awesome thing down
- How to survive zombie attacks
- Why I slip into a Walkenesque accent when I'm facepalming through overtime.
- Tacos. Lots of tacos
- If vegans can eat eggs if they're also pro-choice
And more common fare:
- What I should cook
- How to suck less at guitar (I broke 7 fingers once)
- How my friends are doing
- Shows/games/movies I've missed
- What real vacations feel like
- Remembering how to spell words I haven't used in awhile
There is also the off chance that a dance party featuring a 6' 7" giant spinning in a blanket cape could break out.
Lately? Camping as much as possible, and leaning into backpacking.
But, for participation points...
- Fear Spiders, Love Spider-Man
- My tattoo has a hidden quote from Hook
- "I don't sports..."
My strongest (non-political) conviction is that the person offended most by a topic is the person who should be laughing hardest -- humor exists as a balance to trauma.
I don't make (sexy) first moves. I'm completely capable (and make up for it later), but I maaaay (sadistically) enjoy allowing you to step into the Skip-It of boldness, respect and consent that come with gender equality and 21st century dating -- not a game though, y'all have enough shit to deal with; I prefer being a nice change of pace.
I hate pictures of me, and trust others even less to do it for me -- so you get silly faces until you read my walls of text and earn something better.
I don't drive (buttai ain't no scrub!). I let my license lapse because I carpool, walk, bike, bus and cab; big city traffic, I love it.
Parents and kid brothers love me. Be warned.
Due to the swarm of dudes choking my inbox with questions, here are some of the game franchises I've worked on:
Mass Effect, Dead Space, Halo, Rock Band, Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons (also, some work with Star Wars, Pixar, Batman and Marvel stuff).
Now go! Back to finding women who find strong thumbs attractive. And try not to ruin it for the rest of us?
Dating rules make starting friendships kinda weird.
I'd rather not be lumped in with creepers, stalkers or seem overcomplimentary when I try to (platonically) message a girl first.
Stupid gender-based societal conformity... (And dudes who creep in friend zones -- we all see through you!)
So, whether it's a friend, fling or something more that you're looking for, I'm just looking the be the right guy for the right moment.
So, if you'd like to:
- Have a hilarious conversation
- Have a startlingly introspective conversation
- Show me your city
- Meet new people
- Grab a drink
- Make me feel like a sellout by sharing your craft, passion or artform
- Pillage a series of food carts
- Share your awesome music
- Judge me for being forced to take my own pictures :)
- Try to make me blush
No pressure here. Message away...