41 Elk Grove Village, United States
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My self-summary
On here the same as a lot of other people - to meet some cool, interesting women and possible hookups. Before you give me some lecture about being married - look at how many women in "open relationships" have been posting here for years. No, mine's not open but I don't want to be some toy you use to show off to your husband that you have an easier time getting laid than he does.

No, I don't have a picture because there are people I know on this site. If you want my picture, message me. If OKC thinks we're a good match I'll show you.
What I’m doing with my life
Sitting on the phone in meetings while my life ticks away one tock at a time.

Looking into the abyss and seeing a big floppy dick waving back at me.


Touching myself inappropriately whenever my boss is talking during meetings. I work from home, this isn't an HR issue.
I’m really good at
Biting the hand that feeds me.

Cooking things that taste horrible.

Drinking to excess.

Enjoying my isms. Alcoholism. Sexualism. Marijuanaism. Yeah, those.

Saying things that horrify people.
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm in their way and I've just farted. Actually, people notice I'm pretty tall - about 6'2" tall so I'm not a giant but I can see over most peoples heads. If you don't like big guys, move on. Tall and husky. I'm also one of those types of people that, within a minute of meeting, you think I'm either the funniest person ever or a gigantic douchebag. I'm really a specific taste personality wise. I'm a bit bipolar, a bit eccentric, I have some tics and I can't help but stare at boobs. I make fun of strangers, I assume everyone's heart is full of pure evil and no one has good intentions.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Book of the SubGenius. For all of those categories.

Favorite porn genres:
Lesbian face sitting
Fart eating
Porn Blooper compilations.
Asian bukkake watersports

Favorite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to: Spirit Halloween catalogue.

Favorite television personality: Giada DeLaurentis' cleavage

Favorite song to put $5 in the jukebox and play repeatedly: REM's Shiny Happy People

Favorite food to watch other people eat with a creepy grin on my face: Bananas
The six things I could never do without
Asian massage parlors.
Human Sacrifice for my Llama God, Shaheezru.
A fantastic liquor salad
Trolling RWNJs.
Letting the world know what I'm thinking at any moment.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
A lot of strange shit. You know what? It's not on you to know what I spend a lot of time thinking about. Right now, I'm really thinking about Asian bukkake watersports after typing it in the box above. So don't worry about what I'm thinking about. By the time you know, I'm thinking about something else.

The joys of ADD and a bipolar personality with antisocial behavior. Trust me when I say I'm all over the board.
On a typical Friday night I am
As awesome as I am on any other week night.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I really do have my mind on my money and my money on my mind.
You should message me if
You're not all sorts of judgey and shit.

You've seen Idiocracy. Not just the movie, but also the real world parallels.

You like having things put in things.

You enjoy putting things in things.

You hate things all together.

You have a really stupid joke that no one would find funny but it's funny to you and you need to tell someone and telling someone will open up the doors to happiness.