35Columbus, United States
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My self-summary
NOTE: Life has in general sucked up all my fucking-around-on-the-internet time, and also my going-on-dates-with-people-I-have-never-met-in-person time. I check my account rarely, and answer messages even more rarely.

I am NOT a gypsy!

Please, if you do not have a photo and write to me...I will delete it immediately. You must have a photo for me to respond. Are we clear on that? Have something written in your profile too. Please be the same species! And no damn threesomes either!

Dear people from other countries: I regret to inform you that it is not going to happen, and no if what you're looking for is a skype conversation that's not happening either!

Heeey I pretty much fucking hate everyone! Good luck!! Trying to find a way out of evil evil society where I can just live in peace with animals and music and some chill friends to get fucked up with.

I have a sarcastic attitude. I have realized over the years that when you grow up you start loving things you used to hate. Naps. Spankings. Rum. And you start lusting after men with white beards...haha.

I love cats and I hate dogs. I don't take shit from anyone, especially feminists! I'm a fighter when I'm mad and a lover when I'm loving. My father was in the Marines and my mother is in the Air force. I will never know how that came about. I'm the youngest of 7. All older sisters. Xavier, Eve, Ezra, Mylee, Dianna, Carver, and Carmen.

I came home from work and he was really bad. He was laboring to breathe. I knew something was up with him last night as he was just sitting up in bed breating heavy whiel drooling. I am fairly sure he had cancer. He was down to 42 pounds from a 65-70 monster of natural HGH dog in his prime years ago. He wouldn't eat dinner tonight nor would he eat a snack that I had with a dog pain pill in it this morning. I knew the time was coming, but it is surreal it has already happened.

I'm fucking devastated. He was the only dog I ever had. He would have been 13 in September. He was my best friend. I knew a lot of you have gone though this so you know what I am feeling. This only happened an hour ago. I am crying then go into a state of shock where I feel numb. I don't even know how I am going to sleep tonight as he has sleep with me since he was a puppy. I is not by my feet and is never coming home. Fuck.

The only thing I will say that is good is he went quick with zero pain. He was going to go in the next few days. He probably would have drug it out for a while because he was a tough, stubborn bastard. I am just happy he is no longer in pain. I am going to miss him dearly.

I wont tolerate bullshit from any of you, So don't waste my time. I'm here to seriously find someone (since it seems to be hard finding someone otherwise), not for you to ask me how big my tits are. Thank You.

Let me straighten your ignorant ass out. Just because I am a lesbian or a woman or African American doesn't mean that I am not a person with feelings. The people who I really like meeting are ignorant mutha trucks like yourself who I can school their ignorant asses. I guess there will always be dumb asses in the world like yourself, that's why we have so much hate in the world it's because of stupid SOB's like yourself.

Ok, can't say I didn't warn you..yes I've lived a hard life. .and made more than my share of dumb mistakes. I am a drug addict and when I am using I am a totally worthless bitch who truly cares about nothing but my next high..I've hurt, lied, and lost more than anyone person should ever have to..and I wouldn't wish my nightmares on my worst enemies..The great thing now is that I am clean .,.without that I have nothing to offer anyone in my life..I am a real passionate soul and see beauty in the shadows..and there's always shadows..

I don't have rabies now but I did need the series of shots! So don't piss me off or I will bite you!

I can't wait to get out of this shit hole town. I like to go out and have fun and do whatever. I'm into guys, I'm into girls so yeah... I love to meet new people which is why I'm on this site. No creepers please thanks! and no surgically transformed freaks!

Sometimes I think I want "The One" who makes me feel fire and passion and lasting blah blah blah, romantic crap goes here... and sometimes I think that's a bunch of crap and I just want someone who's hot, fun and smart enough to shut up and just fuck me.

Call me shallow, but I think I think I'm going to vomit. This site is horrid, with pathetic worms who think they are men. Doesn't any man on here own a private jet or even just a tuxedo?

If you don't own a yacht, a palace in Sicily, and at least six tuxedos, forget it!

Have you no manners? How dare you approach me about sex in our first 300 or 400 messages!!!!! What is wrong with you people? Don't you know how to treat a lady?

So, if your first chat question to me is anything like, "want to see my cock?" or "how big are your nipples?," I will not respond, so please don't waste your time. I'm not prude, it's just that I don't like to start communication that way.

Take heed, please!!! If you're just looking for sex or sexual conversation, I recommend AFF.

If you're one of the guys that's concerned about my motives, you can go fuck yourself. I'm not going to get naked for you. I will consider your company if you show some personality. Good looks always helps too. A little hint, I'm more likely to fall in lust with a friend rather than some creep I just met. If you live near me there's a better chance I will plan some activities with you.

Fuck off, shitprick. That's why I said don't write me because I get a million guys everyday going, "Hey, I can give it to you good!" or "You just need a stiff cock to cure you" or wanting to have some philosophical debate on the merits of the sexes. I don't care. You bore me. Leave me alone. If I rant against men, maybe it's because most of you on here are fucking morons who can't take 'no' for an answer.

I would like to describe myself as an affectionate, big-hearted, shy, compassionate, creative, lonely and honest person....but of course I am none of these things...

LOL just kidding!

Oh, if you read Twilight books I am going to vomit on you!

I am a pastry-chef/hair-stylist/athletic trainer/singer/dancer/painter/poetess/archer/huntress/sharp-shooter/swimmer/runner looking to find the right man or girl, someone who loves life, enjoys bookstores, good food, travelling, and sarcasm, one who likes diverse music, owns a library card and a passport. I have travelled a lot and lived all over. I attended culinary school in Chicago and love big cities. I am looking for someone who can cook, can laugh out loud, reserve books online, and wants to live life to the fullest. I love going to live shows and enjoy underground hip-hop as well as Billie Holiday, Nina Simone, Johnny Cash, and old-school punk to name a few.

If it were my choice, I would choose never to be home alone...I hate it and tend to think of worst-case scenarios. Like getting robbed and me having to jump out of the upstairs window....I know, weird, right?

I still have my stuffed animals. I lose everything and find it all weeks or years later. I walk into things. In broad daylight. Sober. I frequently have issues with doing things in moderation. I sometimes wish I was 14 or 16 again, so I could do it right. I'm not going to take full advantage of the term "open-ended essay" because doing so would mean typing until I die.

Interested in finding someone who is also interesting and willing to talk about it and share freely. Do you like the arts? What is the most interesting part of your day?

I am fascinated by adventure, like small towns, locally owned shops, out of the way places, the unknown or surprising find, and love to explore those aspects of life.

Have a restless mind and enjoy the challenge of learning about the world, near and distant. Insatiable desire for knowledge, learning and travel. Honesty is hugely important; yet can be surprisingly understanding of almost any failing as long as my partner is direct and up front. One's word is his his/her honor. Without honor you can't have trust. Be who you say you are, and do what you say you are going to do. Why is this so difficult for people?

Generally attracted to men whose characteristics include: intelligence, well groomed (Fabio is a NO), smoke free ABSOLUTELY (cigars excepted), energetic, versatile, non-SSRI prescribed, STD and drug free. I lack patience with those who are invested in the the Peter Pan Syndrome. I'm interested in spending quality time with a man who has experienced life, learned from those experiences and has been able to carry that knowledge forward. A man who is comfortable with who he is and the person he has become due to those experiences. Also, if you are "separated", you still have business to take care of, and until that is done it's not time.

People I find both attractive and interesting: Andy Garcia, Brian Denahey, Denzel Washington, Armand Asanti, M. Knight Shaymalan, Blair Underwood, Harry Conick Jr, Andy Garcia, Richard Dreyfus,Sanjay Gupta, Julio Eglacias, Deepak Chopra, Simon Baker,(although young)Oscar de la Hoya... (yes, there is an international mix and Andy was mentioned twice purposefully).

I am comely, curvy, and celestial.

Please don't bother me unless you are in the Columbus area. I don't want a pen pal. I don't want to cyber with you, I don't want to talk to you about something that will never happen because of distance....just no. I'm real quick with the blocking feature. Now if you are in the Columbus (and that means nearby ish....not like an hour and a half away) feel free to try. And if you haven't filled out your profile don't expect a response. I can't just look at a pic of someone and be like "oh let's talk to them!" AND IF YOU'RE A SINGLE GUY....I'm not interested. Period. I REPEAT!!! IF YOU ARE A SINGLE GUY I AM NOT INTERESTED!!!! AND YES MESSAGING ME IN THOUGHTS OF JUST TRYING WILL GET YOU A NASTY MESSAGE AND BLOCKED. I'M EXTREMELY TIRED OF GETTING MESSAGES FROM MEN WHO THINK THAT MY DECISION WILL BE DIFFERENT FOR THEM. IT WON'T. AT ALL. PERIOD. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
What I’m doing with my life
Fuck everything. Also wikileaks yum.

Quietly weeping over cunts and bitches and wormy little turds. You're all loathsome. Leave me to my high and mighty majestic managerialship; I eat kidney stones like you for breakfast (with kombucha).

Until I was 13 I was convinced that gypsies had accidentally abandoned me with my 'family' and that they might come at any time to retrieve me. I wore all my clothes all the time so I would be ready to go. I imagined a brightly colored wagon rolling to a stop in front of my house. Men, women, and children dressed in sequins, glitter, and ostentatious costume jewelry would pour out and yell my name, waiting with open arms. It was a bit unnerving to my folks, but as I said, I did finally let it go. Besides, I also realized that I looked an awful lot like those people, so maybe I was actually theirs. Just so you know, this fantasy of mine was not a result of abuse or neglect of any kind - we are a very close knit & loving family - it just illustrates how I have never felt like I fit in with the regulars & I still don't.

I'm an optimistic independent woman and love traveling, music, and connecting with people & cultures. I'm an emotionally secure person and love a good laugh. Not materialistic but I do enjoy finer things in life but also enjoy an occasional hamburger and shopping at thrift stores. A good day for me would be a walk in the park and maybe a picnic. Seeking someone who can seize the moment but lives within their means (don't be someone you're not or cannot afford to be). I've been fortunate to travel in my career and I appreciate every opportunity to try something new. I love a challenge. I can relate to all types of people from various backgrounds and social status. Hope to find someone who is at the same place in their life. A confident, secure man who knows how to hold a door open for a lady and has a joy for life. I do not appreciate head games or angry, negative people. In my free time I putter in my garden. Photos appreciated!

I have my life together, but definitely have a wild side. I realize that's a lame thing to say, but it's the truth. Above all, I value my friends and family, and I strive to have a good time regardless of the given situation. I'm a talker, a story-teller and sometimes I snort when I laugh. Though I am a talker, I can also shut up and be an excellent listener. I've been told by many that "I'm all over the place but in a good way." Make of that what you wish:) I really don't like to waste time with lies or insincerity...consequently, I'm very honest.
I’m really good at
track (state 4th for Pole Vault) and cross country, also singing , im kick ass at singing country

People exaggerate their abilities. This means all of you fuckin' assholes. I'm solidly mediocre, thankyouverymuch. except for blowjobs. I am really good at those.

So. Sorry to blabber on so long. I promise I'm almost done and we can start the fabuloso blow job I know you've been thinking about ever since that fateful night when you looked at me and said, "'Sup?" Just a couple more things. Listen to me now. I give pretty good blowjobs. Seriously. I do. For a non-porn-star, I'm willing to bet this is about as good as you're ever going to get. But hear me out. If you want to put your dick in my mouth, that is perfectly fine with me. But you need to respect the fact that my teeth were there first. I can't, sadly, do anything with them as the Good Lord has seen fit to leave me all my teeth at this late age of 29 and I don't have dentures. So if you have a serious problem with teeth touching your penis, here's what I suggest you do: Don't put your dick in other people's mouths. See, that's where all the teeth are. It is soooo easy to avoid getting my teeth against your dick. Just stop putting it in my mouth. Voila! If you insist on putting your dick in my mouth, and I can see that you do, I can promise to do my best to dis-locate my jaw to give you a blowjob that is all suck, spit and tongue. But sometimes you may feel a tooth. Whoops! No need to freak out. The same goes for anal sex, should we ever find ourselves down that path in the future. If you ever want to put your dick up my ass, and don't even pretend, I know you will, that's OK. As long as I feel like you care about me and respect me, that's totally OK. But if I let you put your dick up my butthole, please don't freak out if, afterward, you discover a speck of fecal matter on your penis on our way to the shower. Wow. That really embarasses me, believe me. No need to point it out. And if you do point it out, I can tell you there's a simple solution for not getting fecal matter on your penis. What you do is, stop putting it in other people's assholes. See how easy that is?
The first things people usually notice about me
Depends on the direction they approach me from, and what I happen to be holding at the time!

Lazy eye
Putrid odor

My tits, most likely. I'm a realist.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My taste in music is vast from America to Zimbabwe. Especially enjoy Latin.

Music-if you can fuck, drink, or nap to it, it's good music.

Favorite songs:
Alouette, Three Blind Mice, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Ten Little Indians, London Bridge, Mulberry Bush (Here we go round), I'm a Little Teapot, Home On the Range, Polly Wolly Doodle, Shoo Fly, Itsy Bitsy (Eensy Weensy) Spider, Oh Where Can My Little Dog Be, Pop Goes the Weasel, If You're Happy and You Know It.

My Favorite Bands:

Kitten Sandwich, Just Dayton, Airport Confessors, Slippery When Dry, No New Taxes, The New Elephant Keepers, Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran...

Steel Puppy Bandwagon, Inadequate Oxygen Supply, Pale Sheets, Ordinary Fish, Low Voltage Pie, Danger Falling Rock, Lanes Merge, Express Dozing, Doppler's Children, Pony Training Brigade, The Mumblers THE MUMBLERS, DAMN IT! Can't you hear?

The Unnamed Flavours, A Band to be Named Later, The Unacceptable Excuses, The Polish Invasion, Milwaukee on a Dollar a Day, Erstwhile and Happy, The Unknown Potentials, The Cassettes, The B Sides, The Warps, ..

The Design Exceptions, The Clearance Puppies, The Cubits, Froth Cycle, Neverland's Queer, The Vacuum Children, Prolonged Internment, Paste Lickers, The New Jowls, Two Cows Named Pete, Max and the Unstable Colloids, Social Confinement, The Dead Actuarials, The Nick o' Teens, The Vision Test, The Heimlich Maneuver, Osmium and the Redheads, The Former Anglicans, Shoeleather, Bubble Gum, and the Strings, The Type "A" Personalities, The Ostrich Alignment, The Angles Saxons & Jutes (before they became the Frisians), The Obscure References, Storm Kittie Beachhead III, The Organ Donor Cards (formerly known as the Transplant Surgeons), The Two-Handed Backhands, Barf and the Nuts, and the Dental Impressionists, Pork Chop Jews.

Most everything directed by dwarves. Also, I've been watching a fair amount of Finnish films lately, specifically:

Salaviinanpolttajat; Vasikan häntä; Margaretaa ajetaan takaa; Rusthollari Pettersonin Helsinginmatka; Verettömät Nuori luotsi; Kosto on suloista; Kun onni pettää; Se kolmas Pirteä ja kadonnut kori; Salainen perintömääräys; Väärennetty osoite; Nainen, jonkas minulle annoit; Tuiskusen kuherruskuukausi; Kalle Pettersson; Käpäsen rakkausseikkailu; Vieraalla maaperällä; Kaksi sankaria; Kesä Rikosten runtelema; "Peski"; "Lappa" ja poliisit.

TV shows:
The Simon Wiesenthal Variety Hour
Bubbles 'n' Curls
The Poop Network
The Golf Ball Channel
The Every Other Daily Show/The Blumeberg Report
The "P" Word

I Married a Republican
Two Late to Worry
How to Have Unhealthy Babies
Nitroglycerin Ice Cream: Cure for the Common Cold
Men I haven’t Slept With Since Tuesday
Grazing: Your Way to Success

Bacon, bacon, bacon! I LOVE bacon!
Six things I could never do without
an all-encompassing sense of dread and disorientation
laughing at amputees, like, really loudly
acid-reflux pills
suicidal ideation
linseed oil
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I sometimes find people initially interesting, and then find out they are Jewish or queer.

The past and my many, many failures
57 ways to end it all, or just Heinz 57 sauce
What is apodictical in any given statement
What "apodictical" means
How to win friends and influence people
Whether this rusty bic blade that's been in the bottom of a plastic cup coated in dried toothpaste and shower gel will give me tetanus when i use it to cut myself along to some shitty London Suede song from 1998
Whether or not i would mind tetanus
Why are Jews so good at everything? except not all of them. There are some dumb fucking jews
How to induce diarrhea
Celebrity plastic surgery
Why I attract retards and 45-year old Pataskala goths on this site. But if you are a Visigoth then let's chat b/c really, fuck Rome.
On a typical Friday night I am
Getting assfucked by a semi-flaccid xanax addict
Getting my xanax stolen.

Or sacrificing babies so not to breach my contract with Satan, ONE MORE BODY AND I GET ME A PORSCHE!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am addicted to chapstick...I have it everywhere...and if I leave the house with out it...I have to stop and get some. It's a sickness, but as far as I know there are no meetings for people like me. C. A. (chapstick anonymous) meetings don't exist.

I often find spaghetti in my underwear, and i have no idea how it gets there!

I'm probably kinkier than you...ever will be. I am a sex addict. I once gave a guy a hand job under a desk during a class. It makes me laugh. He was called on yelped out an "I don't know" and when I stopped, he kicked me under the table, the little bugger.

I smoke weed, take ecstasy occasionally and like Xanax and Lortbas:)

and OK I love anal but I'm small so only guys with small dicks
You should message me if
to be totally clear: if you send me a compliment, my reply will be 'thanks' and that's all. just to save you the trouble. what you, stranger, think about anything i have put here is pretty low on the list of interesting things, i think we can agree.

i don't want to sit in a bar with you and pretend to be interested that you have a sister and a cat and you don't like pickles while you try to think of a clever way to get your hand on my thigh.

okay, to be precise, i probably don't want to do anything with you at all. the good news is that you probably don't want to do anything with me either (trust me). i am, at this moment, unavailable in basically every way (aside from the fact that you can still get a 'thanks' from me in your okcupid inbox. that's no small thing, obviously)

instead, i recommend these ladies up and to your right. more loving! more pure! kinkier! more trusting! more more! fuck, even *i* don't want to date me now.

Hopefully you think of a good reason

Don't ask me for Xanax
Let's get together and kill ourselves

If you hate everything and aren't fucking ugly. Also the bi thing isn't a joke...

If you own a tuxedo...

If you are a skinny girl! and kinda tall too! I am always up for anything and pretty easy to get along with...shoot me a message and we will see what happens!

if u would like to get to know more about u and u can hold my fuckin interest for cryin out loud!! dont fuckin bore me...please. my life is borin enough..don't need ur help.

You won the lottery...
or embezzled a lot and didn't get caught.

You think Xanax dependency is sexy.

You didn't take this all that seriously.

You're smart, interesting, funny and awesome. I may require IQ test results.

You've got a pic ( at least one WITHOUT SUNGLASSES) and put some thought into your self description. Please, for fuck's sake, write more than one sentence per description box. This isn't a school assignment that's due tomorrow; YOU chose to join OKC. Put some fucking thought into your self description. Women like men who put forth that extra effort. Trust me.
The two of us