Yes! From BioTech Original, the proud makers of such household names as DOG, CARROT, and EARTHWORM, comes the very latest in biological development--MAN! Each MAN is studded literally head to toe with useful features! Observe the long, dextrous fingers and opposable thumbs, allowing for full grasping capability! MAN's twin legs are long and strong enough to provide mobility over almost any type of terrain! Apply a firm smack to MAN's buttocks to hear one of any number of humorous sayings! And just check out that jawline & mouth area, that grow real hair!
MAN is user-friendly, low-carb, and extremely fuel-efficient, with a degree of versatility unmatched by any organism on the market today. MAN can be found at your local store, gas station, movie theater, coffee shop, or restaurant, as well as many other convenient locations--and can even be delivered straight to your door! MAN is low-maintenance, self-cleaning, and usually 100% biodegradable, with zero harsh chemical additives. Dozens of household uses! Makes an excellent conversation piece, or the perfect gift!
Each MAN comes pre-installed with selections from a wide range of behavioral protocols, such as Music, Entertainment, Romance, Exercise, Conversation, Sports, Humor, Sex, Parenting, Education, and even Combat! But most interesting of all is MAN's vast capacity for Employment! Thanks to BioTech Original's patented LEARN technology, MAN is able to acquire additional skills, and thus become able to perform virtually any job!* The monetary gains from MAN's labor can recoup your original investment many times over, making MAN a must-have for the profit potential alone!
For today's discriminating consumer, MAN comes in a variety of shapes, sizes, colors, and styles, to best suit your exact preferences! Literally billions to choose from, with more being produced every second! Foreign-language versions also available (availability may vary by location).
So if you're feeling lonely this holiday season, then why wait? Try MAN . . . today!
(Small Print: Don't be fooled by shoddy imitations, insist on a genuine MAN organism.
* MAN requires a constant supply of FOOD in order to ensure proper functionality. Failure to maintain this supply may void one's warranty. See Operator's Manual.
Prolonged or repeated exposure to MAN may result in side effects, including but not limited to the following: Elevated pulse or respiration, shortness of breath, sweating or trembling in extremities, cardiac arrhythmia, increased sensitivity and sexual arousal, irrational giddiness, jealousy, financial and emotional well-being, euphoria, matrimony, pregnancy, and childbirth. Ask your doctor if MAN is right for you.)
I'm a solder monkey, repairing & upgrading little metal doohickeys. Not bad, I get paid for keeping things out of landfills. These doohickeys are what keep Cable TV & Internet signals strong over long distances . . . so if you subscribe to Comcast, there's a fair chance that you're viewing this very webpage through a unit that I personally have worked on.
Technically, I live with my dad, although since I pay the rent & he just contributes to the bills, it would be more correct to say that he lives with me. (In case you're wondering, he's 79 and retired.) Then there's Wooster, who goes hurtling around like a ballistic doofus. The 3 of us rattle around in a house too big for us, on a yard WAY too big for us--with a much smaller yard, I'd be tempted to plant something, but this Back 40 is just far too intimidating. In my Copious Free Time (tm), I read books (ALL the books), play computer games (mostly those that are either old-school, like StarCraft I and Baldur's Gate I & II, or those that just look old-school, like Dwarf Fortress), overuse parentheses (can't help it--I was a Computer Science major for a while), beat up Wooster, and generally try to help the Internet be not quite so fucked up.
No, really. Try me. I have a little gnome who lives in my head, and is smarter than I am. He knows pi to more digits than I do, and also who Isadora Duncan was.
Either that, or I'm whistling/humming/singing.
Ethics of semi-vegetarianism: I don't think eating meat is wrong in & of itself, what's wrong is how we treat the animal while it's alive, the guilt we (don't) feel about buying meat, and of course the volume we consume. I actively dislike eating a daily potion of meat any larger than, say, my hand (and my hands are relatively small). I'm not too into eating fruit, either--honestly, I like a lot more vegetables than I do fruits, and then there are some amusing paradoxes about how I like orange juice, strawberry jam, and raisins, but not oranges, strawberries, or grapes. Go figure. Lastly, I don't drink alcohol: To date, I've had a Mike's Hard Lemonade, a sip of wine, and half a shot of homemade peach schnapps, and honestly I didn't like any of them. This might change as time goes on, of course, and I'm not actually opposed to such change . . . but frankly, I'm quite odd enough *without* booze, so why bother?
Designing a system of technological & cultural innovations that could take a stone-age dwarf civilization all the way from Leadership to Hot-Air Balloon.
What kind of chicken-duck-woman-thing is waiting for me. Every day, I worry about it.
How the bad guys in "District 9" were actually the good guys, and how Wikus doomed the entire planet.
Even though this is a dating site, I'm not looking for a date. Multiple sources have convinced me to give up on dating entirely: As one of Murphy's Laws says, "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again . . . then stop. There's no use being a damned idiot about it." So, even though love might someday find me, I am well past trying to find it.
You'd like to rub prefrontal lobes with me. (And if you got this far, yes, you probably would.)
You're doing a Thing, and were wondering if I might like to do that Thing too. (One of the things I dislike the most is being deliberately excluded. Conversely, one of the things I like the most is being included / invited.)
Fun Fact: I reply to everybody, so you're guaranteed a good bounce-back at the very least. Seriously! I even write back to the spambots (yes, guys get them too).