SlyJohnny
30 Ipswich, United Kingdom
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SlyJohnny
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My self-summary
"You know, Johnny, watching your love life is like watching aliens fuck. You're not sure what exactly is going on, but it's both enchanting and uncomfortable." -An acquaintance of mine.

I'm nerdy and introspective. You probably know the type. Endearing in a "lost puppy" sort of way, commonly described as a polite young man by old ladies who don't know any better, social phobia constantly at war with the fact that I like meeting people and find them interesting. I'm a little vacuous and spacey. I've been told I’m a pretty nice person, and sensitive and a good listener and stuff, but I really have nooo idea where people get that shit from.

I'm a geek, I'm sarcastic, cynical, and mostly quite soft spoken. I'm opinionated, but tend to keep my mouth shut. I'm curious and open minded, and I like accumulating interesting experiences, anecdotes, and people. By which I mean, as friends, or sources of fond memories. I don't have a collection of quirky people locked in my basement, or anything. I feel that part shouldn't *really* need clarifying, but apparently it does.
What I’m doing with my life
If you happen to figure this out, please let me know. Possibly we can compare notes. I'm working at an estate agents. Nurturing as ever a desire for new experiences to make war with my natural lethargy. Trying and failing to get to the gym more.

I've also been learning to cook! HelloFresh has changed my goddamn life, and I've become a super obnoxious evangelist for them.

I'm in an open relationship with a wonderful woman, terms of which are we can both sleep around and pursue intimate friendships and generally not do the dumb jealousy thing. Looking for similarly-minded people to connect with, though I think most people who are "alternative" in that way flee Suffolk as fast as they can...
I’m really good at
Uhhh... computer games, reading those weird SCUBA diving tables that help you work out whether or not you'll die of nitrogen poisoning if you go diving again within the next hour, criticizing the tactics of the hapless idiots in horror movies to anyone who'll even pretend to listen, getting lost and not minding too much, being logical and calm.
The first things people usually notice about me
I have no idea, myself, so I decided to ask my friends, and then quote them. This was a terrible fucking idea, because they all said some variation of "You look like you lost your way to Hogwarts", which I think is a sign that I need new friends.

I guess if you asked people that weren't goddamn nerds, they usually comment on how tall I am. Or my eyelashes. I've also been told I have "really big lips for a white boy", but I don't know if that's good or not?
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: Only Forward by Michael Marshall Smith. The Player of Games by Iain M Banks. Of Mice and Men, Travels with Charlie, Cannery Row and Log from the Sea of Cortez by John Steinbeck. Life of Pi by Yann Martel. Incompetence by Rob Grant. About a Boy, A Long Way Down and Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby. The Way of Kings by Brandon Sanderson. American Gods by Neil Gaiman. Old Man's War by John Scalzi. What Was Lost by Catherine O'Hara. John Dies at the End by David Wong. Games of Thrones by George R.R. Martin.

Movies: Cloverfield, Children of Men, Bourne Ultimatum, Dog Soldiers, Serenity, Blues Brothers, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Dawn of the Dead, Night of the Living Dead, When Harry Met Sally, Love Actually, Ocean's 11, Wall E, Submarine, Doomsday, Shortbus, Grosse Pointe Blanke, Slumdog Millionaire, Avatar, Little White Lies, Inception, Guardians of the Galaxy... I like movies.

Surrealist films generally piss me off, and I think watching
2001: A Space Odyssey is what it feels like to die. In slow
motion.

Music: Cake. Magnetic Fields. Jukebox the Ghost. Dresden Dolls. Snow Patrol. Aerosmith. Queen. Red Hot Chilli Peppers. Eels. Radiohead. Leonard Cohen. TV On the Radio. Cage the Elephant. Modest Mouse. Tally Hall. Elbow. Tom Waits. Bloodhound Gang. System of a Down. Tenacious D. Fat boy Slim. Searson. Flobots. Glitch Mob.

I also develop a profound appreciation for D&B and chiptunes when I'm high, but most of the time, I'm all about that classic and indie rock.
The six things I could never do without
Computers. Books. Sarcasm. The Internet. Love. Desserts that have the word "chocolate" in the description more than twice.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I daydream constantly, so this is tricky to answer. Popular themes are love, philosophy, why people act the way they do. I go over past social interactions in my mind a lot, positive and negative. I spend a lot of time thinking about sex, and people's sexual kinks, which I find super interesting. You're all just so weird and wonderful, dammit. Especially you over there. Yeah, you, the chick in the Minnie Mouse dominatrix get up. I just want to poke you all with a stick, or something!
On a typical Friday night I am
Jobseeking, right now. Trying to move from Real Estate into... well, basically anything else.

...Or playing video games, that remains ever popular. Board games too. I sort of miss being able to get drunk with people and then play Settlers of Catan or Cards Against Humanity, that seems like a very Boston thing.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Eh, I don't really have secrets... ask me anything you want and I'll tell you.

Sex wise, I get that every guy is trying to come across as a sensitive new age Lothario these days, but giving cunnilingus is the closest thing I have to a fetish and I liked it before it was cool.

Oh, and I've listed myself as straight because I'm pretty much exclusively interested in women, but I have hooked up with guys once or thrice before and I have absolutely zero interest in dating anyone who's skeeved out by that.
You should message me if
...you're anything like the kind of girl referenced in this quote:

"You could tell she was bright from her face. Bright and forward-looking and relaxed and intelligent about the way she led her life. American girls often were. They took their lives into their own hands- that was what they had been brought up to do- and made the most of them on their own terms. Not like us Brits, Brown thought, lugubriously fulfilling the duties of our moribund society."

although not necessarily American, just not... y'know... boring. If you're sassy and/or petulant, I'll probably adore you :)

Or if you want a gym partner! I'll make you look healthy by comparison.
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