38Los Angeles, United States
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My self-summary
I was drinking when I wrote this; forgive me if it goes astray.

I'm not much of a salesman, especially when I'm trying to sell myself. I'm much more comfortable pointing out my faults than my assets. Shit! There I go again.

I'm a recovering intellectual who has learned to wallow joyfully in life's banalities. Ugh. How pretentious.

I don't like to think of myself as nice, but I suppose I am.

I have a really nasty sense of humor and say things I don't really mean, simply because I think I'm funny when I'm mean.

I often worry that I'm a lot less interesting than I used to be.

Am I able to perceive myself in the same way that others perceive me?

I like candy, cigarettes, and candy cigarettes.

Mastering the art of the semicolon is one of my life's goals.

I've been told I have pretty eyes; they change color.

I have a very low tolerance for alcohol.
What I’m doing with my life
Working a little bit of retail and running the websites for a lingerie/swimwear/stripper wear/sex toy/fetish gear/men's underwear store in Hollywood.

Designing a line of sexy men's Halloween costumes for the above-mentioned store.

Running the website for the Lingerie Basketball League.

Coming to terms with the fact that my professional life is both lame and absurd.

Starting projects I never finish.

Slowly killing myself with guarana, caffeine, nicotine, fat, and sugar.

Making excuses and rationalizing.
I’m really good at
Making excuses and rationalizing.
Figuring things out.
Finding anything on the internet.
Hula hooping.
Cutting my own hair (well, good enough anyway).
Ignoring my bills and other problems.
Wasting time.
The first things people usually notice about me
Apparently, I always look pissed off and stressed out. But that's just my face. Also, my horribly outdated eyebrow piercing that I refuse to give up because I'M STILL YOUNG GODDAMMIT!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I devour books. Mostly I read fiction, but I also enjoy popular science and books about sexuality and gender.

I haven't had an actual television for about three years, but thanks to the internet, I still watch an absurd amount of programming. I like everything: insultingly stupid sitcoms, overwrought dramas, and trashy reality shows.

I rarely go to the movies anymore, but I like any movie in which women are bitchy to one another. I'm also a big horror fan, but the era of PG-13 horror has all but ruined the genre.

Current favorites: The Gossip, Scissor Sisters, Marina and the Diamonds, Goldfrapp, Ladyhawke, Santigold, Robyn, Róisín Murphy, Niki & The Dove, The Young Professionals, Caravan Palace, Van She

So... hipster pop, I guess.

I love to cook, but I'm super lazy, so I live on convenience foods. I'm pretty sure all of the preservatives are going to grant me eternal life.
Six things I could never do without
books, laughter, the 99¢ Only Store, time alone, hot showers, masturbation
I spend a lot of time thinking about
What's going on with my hair & where that smell is coming from
On a typical Friday night I am
Selling bikinis to strippers and trying to contain my rage towards the obnoxious drunk people who wander in after 10 PM to gawk at the dildos.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
So, yeah, what was here before isn't true anymore. I don't really have any boundaries or shame, so if asked, I'll pretty much tell you anything.
You should message me if
If you made it this far without shouting "Freak!" at your computer screen, then you should definitely message me. Unless you're a big uggo, then please don't.
The two of us