Oh and hummus. Lots and lots of hummus.
Heavy shit, bro.
Remember those poor chimp fuckers at the mall dressed up as giant ice cream cones condemned to hand out free samples? That was me.
Until the day they found me bawling my eyes out in the ladies room trying to shovel half melted butter pecan through the screen of my cone suit.
In my defense, I was tripping my dick off on mescaline at the time.
You're already composing an overly ambitious response that details your fifth grade masturbatory efforts.
You want to buy the movie rights to my life and turn it into a PG-13 romantic comedy starring that girl from my 600 lb life.
You reek of the sour musk of desperation.