29 Guelph, Canada
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My self-summary
I enjoy walks in the late summer through flowing fields of wheat at sunset.
What I’m doing with my life
Telling people how they should live their lives in exchange for payment. Also telling people how they should live their lives in exchange for being blocked by them on social media.

In my spare time I volunteer at a bat orphanage where I nurse them with an eye dropper filled with hand collected bat milk until they've reached full size and can fly on their own... it's very rewarding work.

I also have a side business where I pick wildflowers to make those fancy crowns you see in medieval movies that the fair haired maiden wears while walking through a wheat field in slow motion to the sound of epic music that foretells of her imminent capture by the villain with the strange accent. Then I sell them on eBay.
I’m really good at
Making coffee puns. I have a pretty big following on snapchat because of this. If we become good friends I'll latte you follow me.
The first things people usually notice about me
People always remark that I smell like an equal mix of Tiger Lillies in full bloom on a cool summer's morning, with a rising high note of moose meat smoked over organic apple wood chips somewhere in the Northwest Territories. Every. Single. Time.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Original Gangster: The Real Life Story of One of America's Most Notorious Drug Lords
James and the Giant Peach
The Complete Infidel's Guide to the Koran

Highlander 2: The Quickening
The Last Unicorn
Planet Terror

ABC's 20/20
Are You Afraid of the Dark?
Ancient Aliens

Mongolian throat singing as you would have probably guessed
Bagpipe cover songs of anything currently on the radio

The meat of any wild animal
The meat of any farm animal
The fermented milk product of any mammal pressed into a block
The six things I could never do without
1. My passport stamp collection
2. My pez dispenser key chain filled with nicorette gum
3. Muffin tins, have YOU ever tried to make muffins without a muffin tin?!
4. My wildflower and smoke house scented cologne
5. The rolodex on my phone that amazingly only uses up 4gb of space
6. Red licorice string, not the thick twizzlers crap
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How do medications for autism work? Is there even such a thing as medication for autism?
On a typical Friday night I am
Repossessing electric scooters for a big scooter company my buddy owns who loans hipsters their "eco-friendly" rides. Turns out hipsters are absolutely terrible at making their monthly payments on time and so then they have to deal with me.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have a 3 or 4 freckles on my back, but it's been awhile since I've counted.
You should message me if
I may be able to let these things slide if you're pretty chill:

-You dislike overcooked beef or people that order it that way
-You can convince me to eat more vegetables, better yet help me clean my juicer so I can just drink my vegetables
-You've ever been a Parkour stunt double in an action movie
-You're able to break dance to this music: