29Torrance, United States
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My self-summary
I'm a risible apology of a man; frighteningly ugly, offensively ignorant, and sporting a nose like a sweet potato. I once heard of colour co-ordination and fashion, but you wouldn't think that to look at my wardrobe, and my passing acquaintance with personal hygiene peaks at sticking my head under a cold tap.

Conversation with me is base, boorish, gynophobic, and mercifully brief. I am a fundamentally offensive human being, and honestly I'm probably the sort of man who'd send you a lewd message filled with lurid and wildly optimistic obscenities regarding my hopes for a future relationship. I would advise that women retreat from my profile without further thought.
What I’m doing with my life
I am experimenting with a bewildering cocktail of medication, both casual and formal. When that can't expunge me temporarily to merciful oblivion, I write things down. It scarcely matters to me what, and the resulting lunatic ramblings are the stuff of nightmare.
I’m really good at
noticing when people misuse apostrophes, make fairly mundane typographical errors, split infinitives, end sentences with prepositions, and so on and so forth. I am also excellent at listening to people without judging them, then publicising their darkest secrets. My poetry has been described as "poetry in motion", which is ironic since it's universally stationary.
The first things people usually notice about me
I assume the colour of my skin. That's what I first notice (and comment on) with everyone else. Next, they will notice the uncommon piercing glare I affix them with. This is not intended, and is a side-effect of my bizarre eyes.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
My favourite one of any of these categories is the one I have finished or seen most recently, about which I will drone on ceaselessly.

I have never read, seen, heard or eaten most of what you like.
Six things I could never do without
I could scarcely do without my heart, lungs, brain, liver, pancreas or oesophagus. I can take or leave my kidneys.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
I try to bypass the natural human instinct to think that I'm above average, and attempt to truly understand on a fundamental level how crap I am.
On a typical Friday night I am
Honestly I'm usually eating on a Friday night. I didn't mention my corpulence before now, but it is absolutely breathtaking. Vibrations roll majestically up and down my body with every step I take, my grotesque sausage fingers pawing ineffectually at the remnants of the bag of chips I always seem to have with me, despite never visibly purchasing them or transporting any unopened packages.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
Reading the rest of what I've written, I rather doubt you'd believe whatever I put here. Nevertheless, I am actually quite a lonely person and would be happy if someone contacted me.
You should message me if
your aversion to conventional notions of fun crosses into the pathological. If you are out of your mind with apathy towards honest, rational, hardworking men, you want to scare a solitary idiot who literally fears breasts, or you want a deep and complete understanding of the definition of "troglodyte", you have my permission to message me.
The two of us